Chapter 47

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Sam and I hadn't spoken in a couple of weeks. It was making the separation feel real; feel right. He popped back into my life for the most unexpected of reasons, Billy Collins.

"Hey Lil, Sam is headed up to your office," Lisa, the receptionist, let me know on a random Tuesday.

It was unexpected, both because we hadn't spoken and because it was just after 8 am. It wasn't like he had arrived for an impromptu lunch. This whole situation put me on edge.

"Lily," Sam's panicked energy as he burst into my office didn't dissuade my nerves. "Are you okay?" He absently asked as he drew the blinds to my office windows.

"I think so; why?" There was a buzz in my ears as fear started raging through my body.

"No one has called you?" Sam looked at me now and could read my fear.

"What's going on, Sam? Who would call me?"

"Lily, Billy's been in an accident; it's all over the news."

"He's what?" I immediately went to my phone, but there were no messages.

Sam showed me his screen, with the headline I had always dreaded splashed across the screen: "Billy Collins hospitalized following an early morning car accident."

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't stand, I couldn't exist. Everything slipped away into darkness. Sam must have caught me; he must have helped me to my chair because that's where I was when the dark echo of nothing subsided.

"Tim hasn't called," I managed.

"He was in the car too," Sam's voice came dripping with an apology.

"I can't be a person without them." The words must have crushed Sam, but they fell out all the same.

"I know, Lily. I'll get you a flight. I'm sure everything is fine."

"Have they said anything? In the news?"

"No, just they were in an accident and transported to the hospital."

Sam drove me to the airport. I tried Tess and Mary on the way, but neither picked up. More terror rose in me from their silence. I continued to gaze at my phone screen as the plane sat at the gate waiting to takeoff. I willed my mind to stay blank until the overhead announcement asked for phones to be changed to airplane mode.

I expected tears. At any moment, I expected tears to start and never stop. Death by tears. That was how I planned to go. But they never came. The entire flight, not even a slight pooling came. I just blindly stared into the sun out the window as half a country slipped by beneath me.

I passed the pole that Billy had leaned against waiting for me so many times, but the tears didn't come. I walked stood on the curb where Tim has ushered me into his car, but I remained frozen from reality.

It took fifteen minutes to get to the hospital. There was a mob out-front that made my heart sink. Still, no one noticed me wandering inside; I didn't look like the press. I knew that was as far as I was getting, but I thought I would ask anyway.

"Hi, I'm here about Tim Denning." It seemed like I may get a better response by asking about Tim.

The overworked nurse didn't even look up from her paperwork. "It's family only and don't tell me you're his wife because his wife is already in with him."

I breathed a bit of relief, knowing that Tess was by Tim's side.

"Ok, thanks. Do you know if cell phones work in here?"

"Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't." She continued to click through her computer.

I shuffled through my purse to find my phone and pulled it out. That was when I realized it was still on airplane mode. I flipped it off and immediately got a flood of dings and an annoyed look from the nurse. I didn't bother to read any of them. I didn't want to find out my life was over from a voicemail or text. Instead, I called Tess.

"Lil, where have you been? I've been calling you for hours. There was an accident," Tess stammered.

"I know, I..."

"Tim's okay, but Billy has a concussion, I think; they aren't really telling us much and no one has seen him."

"Is he okay?" Fear ripped through me as reality set in.

"I think so, but they aren't very forthcoming with info. And they'll only talk to Mary because of the whole family thing."

"Is Mary here?"

"Here? Lil, where are you?"

"Lobby," I admitted.

"The lobby in Duluth?"

"Yeah, I'm here. They won't let me any further."

"I'm coming to get you."

The line went dead before I could say anything else. A few minutes later, Mary and Tess were in the lobby.

"Oh, Lily, you didn't have to come, but I'm glad you did." Mary wrapped her arms around me. For the first time, her face showed her age and her tone lacked the jovial bounce. "This is my daughter; she's coming with us," Mary hastily spoke to the nurse before turning on her heel and marching away.

I absently followed as Tess clutched my hand.

"What happened?" I asked Tess.

"They were going into the studio and a lady t-boned them. Tim seems fine. You can see him. But they haven't let us see Billy. Tim said he hit his head pretty hard. The impact was on his side."

"Is Sarah here? The kids?" I asked.

"No, Sarah is out of town. She's making her way back, apparently a bit slower than you." There was a bite to Tess' words. "The kids are with Sarah's mom. She watches them when they both have to work."

"Mary, have they told you anything?" I asked as we maneuvered down endless hallways.

"Just a bunch of acronyms," Mary brushed off my question; I could tell the updates she was getting annoyed her.

Then we stopped, as Tess pushed into a room and my eyes fell on Tim. I had never seen him devoid of humor. There was always the tiny spark of mischievousness even in the worst of times; at least there always had been until this moment. His eyes were no longer sparkling blue, they were a dull gray, and his skin had a sickly pallor to it.

"Lil, you're here." There was a flat inflection to his voice.

"I hadn't even talked to her. She just saw it on the news and got on a plane," Tess explained.

"Sounds about right, Lilipop." I hated the sound of Tim's voice. I wanted him to laugh and tease.

Still, the tears didn't come.

"How are you, Timmy?" I asked as I neared.

"Frustratingly fine," finally, an emotion filled his voice, even if that emotion was annoyance. "Hey, can you give us a minute?" Tim's eyes twitched between Tess and Mary.

I didn't want them to leave. I didn't want to be left alone with zombie Tim and I definitely didn't want to hear whatever it was he couldn't say in front of Tess and Mary. But I wasn't getting anything I wanted on this particular day.

Once they had left, Tim gripped my hand painfully hard. "It was bad, Lil; he was out."

"What do you mean, he was out?"

"He was out cold. He never opened his eyes."

No tears came; I just squeeze Tim's hand harder. 

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