𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐍 | 18+

05: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐎𝐥𝐝 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

I squirmed in bed feeling an uneasy, empty pit in my stomach. I knew exactly what it was―regret.

Even though we didn't do anything be cuddle, kiss, and sleep, I couldn't help but feel stupid for letting the words that use to comfort me...trick me. Deceive me. I thought he loved me at least before finding him balls deep inside someone that wasn't me. I couldn't help how I felt. I felt stupid for letting him back in...again.

I looked up at him from behind my lashes. He looked so peaceful, so innocent when he was sleeping. But he was none of those things. Nix and I were toxic to each other, and we knew that.

His arms encircled around my body holding me close to him. I traced his perfect jawline softly as I studied his flawless face.

He had died his hair back to a platinum blonde which matched his flawless pale complexion. He was bigger than when I last saw him. His chest was covered in a couple of tattoos that hugged his torso.

But he was still Nix.

I quickly pulled my hand away when I felt him move and soon after that his eyes slowly opened. "Baby..." He mumbled.

Baby.

I use to love being called that by him. But now it just makes me wanna cry my eyes out.

"What are you doing." He kissed my forehead, his lips lingering for a while before leaving my head.

"I-I was just...looking at your face." I muttered feeling my cheeks heat up. I quickly looked away. He chuckled his deep laugh and pulled my face back.

"Don't look away Adds, I don't mind. I missed this."

I smiled a weak smile and pulled out his embrace only for him to pull me back.

"Where are you going? Let's cuddle more." He mumbled pulling me onto his bare chest.

I let out a nervous laugh and got back up successfully. "Nix I need to shower."

He groaned before muttering curse words under his breath. "Fine."

Nix also had a temper. He never hit me but there were times when he was close and he just ended up choking me or grabbing my wrist to the point where it turned red.

I forgave him when it happened because he told me it 'wouldn't happen again' or 'it was an accident'.

I closed the door to my bathroom and stripped out of my clothes looking at myself in the mirror.

When my eyes met the girl in the mirror I let out a tear. And then another. And another.

I wiped the tears away and walked over to my shower, turning it on I slipped into the steaming warm water. I put my hands on the walls and leaned my weight on them to support myself from falling. My drenched hair came down beside me as I cried.

I leaned up to let the water wash away my tears even if more appeared. I sniffled back tears as I began to wash.

"Baby, why are you crying?" I heard Nix's deep voice ask from behind me. His hand moved my hair from my front and pushed it over one shoulder before planting a kiss on my skin.

I shivered at the touch of his lips against me like that. I hadn't had felt anything like this in so long. Since Nix.

I loved Nix but I knew I had to let him go to be okay. I had so many problems with myself because of him. I questioned my self-confidence when I was with him. I looked for approval from people because of what he did.

"I hate you," I muttered out weakly.

His kisses stopped and I could feel him tense up behind me.