Spells and Handcuffs (Remus Lupin)

Duty above all else

"I envy you a little that you will take an active part in the tasks of the Order," Sirius told me with a slight bitterness in his voice. Still, he smiled friendly at me. 

We were alone for the first time since I came back. We sat on the couch in front of the fireplace. Although it was mid-July, the fire was crackling merrily. The house was old and it was getting cold in the evening. My uncle had stretched his long legs and warmed them by the fire.

"I'm sure you'll have something to do soon. Hardly anyone will tolerate your sullen face for a long time. " I put my head on his shoulder.

"How I missed your witty remarks." He laughed, patting me on the head, tousling my hair.

We sat in silence for a while, each with his own thoughts. It was nice and reassuring to be by his side again. After all, he was my only family now.

"Do you want to share something with me?" He broke the silence.

"What do you mean? "

"You suddenly packed your bags from here and disappeared, then you were a prisoner of Voldemort for months, then in a hospital, and you came here as if nothing had happened. I don't know, I still think you have a lot to tell and share. "

"Sirius, I appreciate that but I'm not ready to go back and remember the past months. I want to leave the past in the past. "

"No problem. I just wanted to make sure you didn't tell me because you didn't want to, not because I wasn't ready to listen to you. When you need it, you can always turn to me, you know? "

"Yeah, I know," I nodded.

"Did you talk to Remus?"

"What? Why?" I breathed and looked at Sirius in surprise.

"Why?! " he looked at me in disbelieve. "You left him with a broken heart. He left shortly after you, then I hadn't seen him in weeks. When I saw him again, he looked terribly distressed. I have never seen him like that before. Then I got the letter from Crouch, Remus was with me, he came to you first and found you in that basement. For a moment we thought you were dead. I will not forget the horror on his face. "Sirius sighed and paused for a moment in thought. "He took you to the hospital, he stood next to you every day. He wasn't there only at full moon. That's why he wasn't with you the day when you were discharged. And you're telling me now that you have nothing to talk to him about. Even if you don't feel any feelings for him, at least you owe him some gratitude and an apology. As far as I know, your last conversation with him before you disappeared, was not very pleasant. You owe him at least a normal one. "

I was speechless for a moment, realizing Sirius's words. So it was Remus. I remember his voice in my dreams while I was in the hospital, the touch of his fingers. How could I forget it? I knew it was him. But I did not dare to hope that it was true and not a dream.

"Do you think he still has feelings for me?" I said the question that bothered me, and I was startled that I had actually said it out loud.

"Do I think ..." Sirius began. "I'm sure of that. I know him, he doesn't fall in love and forgets just like that. To tell you the truth, if you weren't my niece, I would curse you for everything you do to him."

We were quiet for a time, and I thought that had ended the conversation before Sirius took my hands, turning my palms up. 

"Please talk to him. Clarify this between you. And end your relationship with him properly." Sirius said.

"Actually I love him. My feelings have not changed." my voice trembled for a moment from the emotions that raged inside me. "I told him all those things so that he would not go looking for me and get hurt because of me. I didn't know I would hurt him so much. I thought I was doing it for his own good. And I've obviously tortured both of us.