The Broken Girl (Completed)

Chapter 3

Your mind can be quite a torturing thing. Trapping yourself by all these thoughts. Even though I was on my own, it seemed like the room was filled with some sort of presence and it was suffocating for me to even breathe. I wish I could take a medicine at that instant and let go of what I was feeling.

I wanted to calm myself down by going out. I didn't have any place to go. Without even thinking where I was going, I hopped in the car, started the engine, stepped on the paddle and made a run for it. Where in the world could I go to escape this feeling? The answer was quite obvious. It's non-existent. My parents' house wasn't an option. I didn't have close friends whom I could ask to stay with for a while. I wish I could sit and just drown in these emotions. It was my fault that I didn't want to keep someone by my side. I didn't love myself for who I was anymore. When I would look in the mirror I would be very disgusted as to who I was going to be loving and how could anyone say "I love you" to someone like me.

This may seem childish but I ended up going to McDonalds to have something to eat. I got a little hungry and didn't have such a huge appetite. But maybe I could've felt better after eating a little something. I luckily had some cash on me so I bought myself a Big Mac and a chocolate sundae. I wanted to go out elsewhere to a peaceful location to rest my racing thoughts. I thought I would go to a bookstore that was open. I went in and the feeling was super pleasing. The bookstore's interior décor was built well. I looked around a bit and saw there was a book that caught my eye. I loved the plot so I thought "why not to buy it?" I saw another book that I remember my mother wanted but she couldn't find it anywhere. I bought it for her and thought the next time I'd visit, I'd give it to her.

I have to admit I was kind of afraid to go home as I wasn't sure what would happen but I had to. As I drove back, I thought to myself. My mental state has really gone this bad and I don't do much about it. Over the years, it has been getting worse. Although my physical health isn't at such risk, my mental health will definitely affect my physical health.

Things like getting headaches and feeling extremely tired was normal for me now. Even if I sleep all night, my body still manages to be tired the next morning. I'm very grateful that the job I do is what I love. I do all sorts of things. I sometimes do photography and post it on social media. I do crafting and post them as well. It makes me happy and I could spend hours on it and not get tired. Well, that's an exaggeration but I do stay up late if I have to. When it comes to a project, I don't feel like leaving it for later.

I work part-time as well. Because it's better than staying at home all alone. I wouldn't go as far as saying I'm terrible at socialising but I have reduced it a lot. I don't have friends anymore because of what happened to me in the past. No matter how much I try, I can't just escape it. People will only come into to your life to leave you in the end anyway. It's very rare to have someone who will stay by your side through it all. I stopped believing in that because if your own family can't be there, who freaking are living with you then what's the point in asking people?

I reached home safely and I wasn't as scared. After all, I have nowhere to go at this time it's only me and myself. I entered the house and of course it all was silence. I hated how quite it was. Even the atmosphere. It was like one could suffocate coming here. Opening the window made it all well because the sounds outside could fill my room. I played a simple lullaby on my phone and gladly dozed off because I got tired with all the hustle.

I woke up to sound of banging. What a way to ruin a good sleep. When I got out of bed to check what was going on, not to mention I was about to fall out of my bed and slip, my door was being banged countless times and I was confused as to what was going on. Did I do something to upset my neighbours? I peeped out the door hole and saw a man holding a package.

OH SHOOT- I forgot about the items I ordered online! How stupid of me. Today was the day it was supposed to arrive. I opened the door and confirmed it was my package and brought it inside and placed it on the table. Sometimes, opening boxes is not my specialty. I need scissors and I try to act like I'm hulk or something. I wasted 5 minutes when I could have just used the scissors but nope.

I ordered myself art supplies and found some good ones online that I hadn't seen before so I thought why not? There's so much joy and fun in ordering online and it can surely get addicting but when there is a good sale you can't stop yourself. But luckily, I didn't go overboard with it all.

I heard my phone ringing and was kind of shocked because I normally don't get any calls from anyone. I looked to see who it was and seeing my phone, I don't know how to explain my emotions because they were so many that I was feeling. I could just feel my neck being chocked. I think anyone would say I was being way too overdramatic.