Tormented love

Chapter 32

I watched the feet in front of me. I followed them, the counselor reminded us earlier in the hall 'five paces behind'. Why Amelias paces were so agonizingly slow I have no idea. I actually didn't quite understand why they couldn't just hand me the diploma in the office a week ago when I stopped coming to school.

At first I was happy about the ceremony when I had plans to throw an after party with Jake and attend with Zach.

A fucking joke.

But now I'm here and so are they are I just want to be anywhere else. I can't stand the close proximity of either of them. The fact that each of them could be burning a hole in the side of my head. That each of them alone make me want to crawl into a cave somewhere just to be left alone, complete isolation. For the eternity of my adult life.

The only thing I was worried about today was getting this piece of paper and getting in my packed car alongside Ally. We wouldn't be able to ride together as each of us are taking our own car but we have a long ride ahead. We want to get moved into the college apartment as soon as possible but won't arrive for a little over sixteen hours. I couldn't wait to meet the new students and the new people I would be around daily. I was glad though that I wasn't going alone. Ally would be with me every step of this new journey. I wanted us to make friends for sure, but I never want to lose sight of reality. That being, we had each other. That's the best we have.

I claim to want complete isolation, yet being alone can also sound dreadful.

After what felt like a life time I'd gotten to my seat Amelia sat on one side and a guy named Jaylen sat on the other. I looked around once the class was seated and realized, I didn't know half of these people. I'd gone to school with them for thirteen years. A class of seventy three kids and I probably know thirty.

Kids would've been the word for sure yesterday. Not so much today, we move on. For most of the class I'm sure they return home today or maybe go eat with their parents a few friends perhaps. The ones like me though, we leave. We grow up and prepare for the rest of our life. Ally and I were just patiently waiting to end this long journey we started together and start the next. We waited to end the journey with so many others who we would possibly never see again. It hurt my feelings knowing Ashley would be one of those people more than likely. She'd talked about coming to college with Ally and I but I don't think she's going to college at all at this point.

The principal called on the class valedictorian, Sarah Freestone.

Her speech was long, and irrelevant to me as I didn't listen. I didn't care. A few other classmates were called to give speeches before he finally began calling  on us to receive our diplomas. It happened so fast, all of it. I don't even remember when he called my name. I just remember standing up and walking towards him. He handed me the maroon colored book and shook my hand before I headed back to my seat.

The other names flooded together and I watched them one by one, stand and walk toward the end of our childhood. It was fading, quickly. Until all seventy three of us had grabbed the piece of paper. Ally grabbed my hand on the way to stand between the two large tree like podiums. Our caps were thrown and I watched as everyone cried around Ally and I.

Everyone reach around in the caps fumbling through and calling out names, names we had written on the insides.

She reached for my hand again seconds before Jake caught a glimpse of me. We both noticed him walking across the court to us before turning to walk away. We left it all on the court this afternoon.

Sure, we hugged each of our parents before making our way to our cars. It was time to put it all to rest.

"Anna! Ally!!" We turned to look at the voice before opening our car doors. "I'm going to miss you guys." Jake was speaking to the both of us. He darted across the parking lot and extended his hand to me. A maroon cap in his hand. "I love you." He was looking at me. If I respond right now, it begins again. If I don't respond it is over. Jake and Anna are nothing and I have thrown every single ounce of our phenomenal friendship away. Let it go to shit, I remind myself before I sarcastically chuckle to myself.

So I don't respond.

I opened my car door and getting inside I reach out for the cap, saying nothing. Letting everything go. Letting Jake go. "Be careful." He says. He wants me to speak. Then I start my car. I looked out and watched Ally say something before climbing into her car, repeating my actions.

The journey ahead of us was a long one. I knew we'd soon be tired and stop half way to sleep.

I was getting so many tags on social media and I haven't opened one. I didn't want to. This was the reason I didn't take pictures with anyone, I didn't want the memories of today. I wish I didn't have the memories of the last thirteen years, but I do. They suffocate me. I looked over to the cap, just a glance.

My phone started ringing and I didn't even want to look, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I did look luckily and Ally's name stretched across the screen so I answered.

"We'll stop somewhere in the next state over to get a room. Sound okay?" I looked at the time 12:00 a.m. It'd been five hours since we left we still have eleven hours to go and I'm not tired.

"We're only in Tennessee, let's keep going we can stop at the Virginia and Maryland line."

"Anna, I know you want to get far away from where we were but it's getting late and I'm tired. Can we stop mid way of Virginia please?" I sighed.

"Yeah, no sure." I groaned.

"That'll be 7 am Anna. It's another 7 hours. That's far enough to stop." I sighed this time.

"Yeah, that's fine. I'm just frustrated I'm sorry.." I lingered off. "Actually Ally can we stop at this lake about 10 miles away."

"Yeah sure, to reflect?" I could hear the questioning in her voice.

"Exactly." I confirmed her.

The lake was beautiful and we'd found a cliff overlooking it. "This is absolutely breathtaking." Ally started. I walked to the edge ignoring her panicking demeanor and pulled my phone out. "You okay Anna?" I dangled my phone through my fingers until it slid through my finger tips. "Anna!"

"Im fine." I laugh. "They were blowing my phone up." She sighed and looked over the edge with me for a while.

"We should go. We have a long trip." Ally reminded me. I knew she was worried about me but she didn't have to be. I wasn't worried about me. I was okay. I'd been okay since we left.

We drove for what felt like forever. By this time I've already watched the sun set. It's rising when we pull into the cheap looking motel. My legs cramped and stomach was aching with hunger. Ally pulled into the parking spot beside me and let down her window. "Go inside and book us a room, I'm going to get us some food and I'll be back." Good, I was starving.

I nodded my head before popping my trunk to grab some clothes out for the day tomorrow. The makeup on my face was nearly thirty eight hours old at this point and mascara smudged down my face from the tears I'd cried. I looked like shit but I just needed a room to sleep in. I gathered a change of clothes before shutting my trunk and locking my car.

The hotel lobby was small and quiet only one lady sat behind the desk. She let me book the cheap room and told me the directions to our room. I was lucky that she only charged an additional ten dollars since it was so early in the morning. She told us to check out before 3 pm instead of 12 pm and for that, I was grateful.

I decided to remove my makeup and shower upon stepping into the room. Ally would be back soon and I'd relieve my aching stomach, then I'd be able to sleep and leave the shit hole I call my home town behind me.