Tormented love

Chapter 33

We had arrived and I felt liberated if I'm honest. I may not look the part but the queasiness lifted from the pit of my stomach and I breathed in fresh air. "Anna?" I heard Allys voice. "Are you okay? You look like you're about to vomit." Although I felt like the sickness had subsided, apparently my face said otherwise. I wiped under my eyes, I wasn't crying though. I must've done that a thousand times back home. Wipe my own tears because no one would do that for me. They just wanted to be the reason I needed to wipe my eyes. No real care behind anything said or done to me, just hopes of absolute destruction.

"No Ally, I'm not okay." I opened my trunk and pulled out two suitcases. I hoped to never be only okay again. I hated the thought of only ever being okay. "I'm amazing." She smiled at my reaction and closed her trunk. For a moment I lingered, relishing in the newfound astonishing freedom. I'd not felt this way in so long I'd forgotten what it was like. After the brief outlook towards a very needed break it seems, we began our journey towards the housing office. The sadness behind that being our reality. An escape to school being a saving Grace. The amount of sorrow that had been hovering over me back home felt lifted. A weight bearing down on me once, now gone. All because I changed my scenery. A simple thing that I could've done so long ago.

I should've done this sooner, I should've changed high schools midway through junior year. No I should've left the day I met Jake. I could have. My parents wanted to venture. I should've left. I couldn't. I'd never had the opportunity to pack my things and just go. I did, but I never wanted to leave Jake. Not until High School rolled around. High school messed him up.

His inconsiderate ass never thought about the fact that it messed us all up. All of us had a bad experience in high school and he never gave a damn.

Finding the front desk was a pain in the ass in this building, but luckily we found it. I was not prepared to find my way around the entire campus. A lady gave each of us a key to our dorm and talked us through the directions. "Class starts in a week girls and your advisors should be sending class schedules out tomorrow. Familiarize yourself with the campus for the next week so it won't be such a burden getting through traffic next Monday." She was bright and chipper. "You two look like you've had a long drive so I'll let you go for now and we can pass out handbooks later. Get some rest girls, I suspect you're going to need it." Her smile literally lit the room and made me feel even better about being here, before Ally and I headed to an elevator. I hoped Ally was okay, that she was appreciating this as much as I was.

"Bless it Anna. I've never seen you look so relaxed yet so exhausted at the same time." This time her eyes were shedding dreadful tears. I dropped my bags and wiped each one away. Like no one had done for me. Not that I remembered yet if they had, they hadn't meant it. Not the way they should've. They caused the tears and yet hardly wiped them. You don't wipe away at the tears that only come because of you. You apologize..you mean it then you don't make the same mistake over again.

"We won't do that here Ally. Not here. Not ever again. We won't cry. We won't. We can't. Jake and Zach are gone. The drama with Amber is gone. Fresh slate. Let's have an amazing life Ally. Okay?" She nodded her head and let me wrap her up in a hug, again. "Now I know we're exhausted but we have some amazing new stuff to decorate our dorm in!" I exclaimed. She let out a laugh that was almost suffocated by a late sob. "We're gonna be okay Ally." The elevator opened and I picked my bags back up. Ignoring my black eye bags, my outrageous urge to sleep, and the pounding headache I pushed open our door. I opened our freedom, our peace. The saving Grace we'd longed for.

I needed this.

The room was spacious in a sort of way. Enough for Ally and I, yet I wouldn't want to share it with someone I didn't know. I'd need much more space than this. Stranger danger is a thing, at least for me.

After sitting our bags down and a few trips back to each of our cars we began working on our new room. Twin sized beds on each side, pop together closets at each end. One vanity to hold our makeup, and a desk. How we ever fit all of that makeup into one vanity is beyond my mind. Ally's shoes took up half of my shoe rack but my clothes took up half of her closet. Silk pink sheets and a light grey ugg blanket on my side with a black rug beside it. Cotton Candy colored sheets on Ally's bed along side her white comforter. Beside her bed rested a single purple bean bag chair.

I hung a poster above the head of my bed and Ally began preparing our wall shelves for our books three white levitating shelves above her bed and four black ones on the wall my twin sized bed rested against. 

I must admit we made the medium sized room very lively and comfortable. I could easily see myself getting quiet comfortable in the dorm with the weeks  that would be passing.

"So Anna..I think, if I'm correct there just so happens to be a Starbucks on campus." Ally reminded. Starbucks is one of our favorite places to go. Back home we always went to Starbucks when we were together.

That was all I needed to be on my way to grab a frappe with Ally. Caramel drizzled frozen coffee was exactly what the two of us needed after the workout we had just put ourselves through.

"You're total is going to be 14.38." The red headed girl behind the counter informed me. She seemed friendly and it made me wonder if she too went to school here. I reached inside my wallet when a muscular arm extended. He gave the girl a $20 and looked back at me.

"My treat for the two of you." The sound of his voice, the raspy, deep tone..was one that I knew. Not well enough to connect his face to it without looking. So I looked up, knowing it wasn't Zach or Jake I still felt sick. The possibilities of who it could be made me want to vomit.

"Professor Nate..." I'd zoned out for a moment as I felt myself wanting to gaze at him just knowing I'd be right back in the torment I was in at home.

That's when it hit me and it crumbled down on me at once. I didn't want history to repeat itself. My track record lately? I was so scared. Just the simple kind act he'd just taken part in scared the hell out of me.

This year and for the next four years to come I'd be sure, Ally and I really would be okay. No boy drama, no drama in general. I couldn't let myself fall back into the pitiful mess of me in a tension soaked relationship dilemma.

We wouldn't have to be worrying about the Jake and Zach drama. We wouldn't have to worry about forgiving Amber or my parents. No more fights, no more tears.

This was time for finding new friendships like with Ashley. New opportunities like Ally's father gave to me. When I needed some one anyone, really.

Ally and I had each other and for now that's what each of us need. Professor Nate would not get in my way to happiness. My way to pure peace.

Getting through high-school and leaving our home town had to be the best decision we've made all year and being able to pursue it together is a life accomplishment to me.

Yet, neither of us really know what's to come. We can only move forward and find out for ourselves.

Something that sound scary, absolutely horrid. I've known step by step how I want things to go for my life. None of those things matter now. If they ever did. Making plans for the future is something I will no longer be doing. I will be living in the present and taking things as they come.

What comes next though cant and won't be what either of us could imagine. No one can ever imagine for something bad to turn good.

Only to have it turn into something bad once again.

Until I disappear.