Tormented love

Chapter 17

Shopping with Zach was easier than I imagined. What I imagined was him whining and complaining about having to walk around the mall, what happened and shocked me though was strange.

"Where to next?" The boy holding my belongings asked. Ally giggled. At home, Ally and I go shopping on the regular. Regardless Zach made it a point to never come, I didn't think I'd see him holding my purchases. Much less asking what shop we wanted to visit next.

"I think we're done for the day." He visibly relaxed. I knew he didn't like this. "We should go find Mrs. Sophie." Ally agreed and we followed one another back to the large lobby of the mall. A lot of other students were there already. The one in particular that caught my attention was perched on a couch, in between Rohan and Tyler.

Zach apparently notice what I was unintentionally staring at, or who. He stood in front of me to block away my view. "Do we have to wait here?" He questioned me. I wasn't sure and Mrs. Sophie had not clarified. Noticing majority of the students lounging around, I assumed we had more plans for the day. I wasn't completely sure but I assumed.

My feet were aching so I wished we didn't though. Not only that, I could feel Jakes presence. I wanted to talk to him and ask what Zach said. It was an ache in my entire body to know. Honestly I shouldn't consider it, I should leave the thought of Jake in the past. I thought I had until this dreadful trip.

The mere thought of Jake tormented me. I didn't understand why he at one point had to be my bestfriend nor why he lives next to my family home. The home that was once home to me. Jake brought me crumbling down in the disaster of himself. Now after everything is said and done I'm the one hurt, he lives on as if nothing has happened. As if he didn't destroy the childhood I thought I loved. I did love it though, once but almost every memory I have, there he is. Playing with my emotions. If I had moved on the way he had, it wouldn't hurt though. I didn't move on the way he had and I watched him grow from a sweet and caring individual to a rude and arrogant near enemy.

The boy who would take me shopping and hold my things the same as Zach has done for the first time today and playing with my hair to make me sleep. The boy who would defend me in class or bring me coffee. The same boy who would let me cry on his shoulder, or cry on mine is now gone. He was taken over by this new guy who calls me a whore and tries his damndest to embarrass me. He doesn't even look the same his once brownish blonde shiny and wavy hair that outlined his appearance perfectly now looks dull and is much longer than I remembered. His eyebrow and lip now have a piece of metal forced into them.

He's not Jake.

And you're not Anna. My subconscious reminded me.

I have changed, I blame the Jake there is now. The arrogant bastard who sits between Rohan and Tyler. He changed me. How he ever received the power to do so is beyond me, but he did change me. With every rude remark. I knew we'd never be friendly again the moment whore escaped his mocha lips.

"Anna." Zach's voice brought me away from the baffling in my head. "Mrs. Sophie said we can go, well met again for dinner at that fancy restaurant you told me again." I nod my head as he grabs all of my bags again and stands behind me, following me out of the door. Ally walks beside me, glancing back.

"What is it?" She shakes her head gathering more of her thoughts.

"Amber apologized to me. Told me to apologize to you for her." I let out a strangled laugh.

"Looks like everyone came here in hopes of a second chance." She also laughs but it seems forced. "We can forgive her you know." Ally shakes her head.

"No. I don't want to." I didn't question her, I agree with her completely. We keep our pace until we reach the bus. Everyone soon joins us and Mrs. Sophie tells the driver our destination.

"It's been a hell of a day." Zach exclaims. Ally and I nod our head in agreement, it really had.

Getting back to the hotel I began to realize just how screwed up everything was. More importantly how I couldn't fix it, how I wouldn't fix it if I were given the opportunity. Today proved that, I was give multiple.

"I'm going to take a nap." I announce once Zach puts down my bags. He follows me into the bed and I wrap myself up in the covers, and him.

"Is this a nap or a Ally, let us take a nap." I let out a humorous laugh and Zach joins.

"It's an Ally I'm tired, so I'm going to sleep." I state as I set my alarm and she grins.

"So I can take a nap in here." I roll my eyes smiling.

"Ally I'm not going to have sex with Anna with you in the same room, besides I'm exhausted." Zach exclaims hugging me to him. She falls into her bed and pulls her own covers over her in an attempt to drown out the light we couldn't cover with the curtain. One straight line of annoying light pestering us the entire journey to sleep.

I would've taken the arguments and the confrontations, even that annoying light over what happened when I got home. My heart was shattered, left in pieces that I couldn't replace. I didn't understand why it happened and at that, to me. I didn't understand why I had to be so upset again. For what exactly do I live through this torment for? There has to be a reason.

I can't just live though this vile acknowledgement of my own existence for no apparent reason. I thought I was doing fine. Until this dreadful moment. I thought I was okay, that I'd finally restored myself after Jake. The pitiful relationship of Jake and I had nothing on this. It didn't compare. I'd let Jake hurt me a thousand times more before I went through this again.

Why was I going through this? What did I do to deserve it? Was this a reality check for not forgiving Jake? Was this my own karma revenge? The hurt I feel now, I've never felt before.

I didn't even know how to control it. I couldn't.

That's why I was vomiting into Allys bathroom toilet, with Ally and Amber holding my hair away from my face and explaining how 'everything's going to be okay.' But it won't though?

Do they not see that? I'm a broken mess. A pitiful humiliating broken girl who just seems to love the way I feel when I get hurt.

I wished I could stop. I didn't know why I was throwing up over this in the first place. Was it normal to hurt so much you vomited? It is when the person is me.

When no one cares how you feel. How they make you feel.