metanoia《twilight oc》

moving on

Bella's POV

My date with Jacob had gone well. Arden came over Tuesday, just as she had promised, to help me get ready. Thankfully she was not as aggressive as Alice had been in the past when playing Barbie Bella. She did some very light makeup on me, just some mascara, natural eyeshadow, and lip gloss, as she knew of my disdain for the uncomfortable face paints. For my outfit she chose a lace blouse she found in my closet and a pair of jeans. It took her a while to settle on my final outfit, scolding me a little along the way for not having more formal clothes like skirts and dresses. Well, none that were to her liking; she was appalled when she found the long khaki skirt in the back of my closet and called it a "fashion abomination." I'll admit that it wasn't the most fashion forward piece of clothing in my closet, but I thought it was nice.

Nevertheless, I was thankful for Arden's help. I knew I wasn't that knowledgeable when it came to fashion, I had never heard the end of it from Alice. Arden had made me look nice, it wasn't too much... I still looked and felt like me. All Arden did was emphasize my natural features.

Jacob and I ended up going for a picnic on the beach in La Push in the late afternoon. He even promised to take me cliff diving soon. After eating we went for a stroll closer to the water, then we ended the night by staring at the stars while laying on a blanket and talking. It wasn't until Jacob drove me home that he asked me to officially be his girlfriend, to which I answered yes.

I really liked being with him and it was easy to be myself. He made me feel warm. There was a sort of relief I felt around him, like I was finally able to relax. I never realized it before, but Jacob's presence was so comforting. 

Yesterday, Wednesday, I spent the day at Emily Young's house. She was Sam Uley's fiancée and a very sweet woman. Today I was supposed to go cliff diving with Jake and I knew that Charlie wouldn't be thrilled at the idea, but I knew that today he was going hunting with Harry Clearwater anyway. Hunting was a result of my panicked state after my encounter with Laurent in the woods. I regretting telling him now that I knew the truth, but the pack knew to avoid their path and Harry was there to lead Charlie astray from their location. Nevertheless, I was still worried. Either way, I didn't have to worry about Charlie asking what I was doing with an extra change of clothes.

I opened the door of my truck and jumped out walking up to the Black's front door. I knocked softly on the door and was greeted by Billy opening the door and letting me in, a small smile on his face.

"Is Jacob still asleep?" I asked, wondering where he was as I expected him to meet me outside.

"Uh, no. He and Sam went to join Embry, Paul and Jared. They caught a fresh trail of the redhead this morning and went to help," Billy replied nonchalantly.

"Oh no," I whispered mostly to myself.

Billy and I argued back and forth for a moment about their safety: I was more concerned than he was. After our brief spat Billy returned to eating his cereal and I stood in the living room silently. The room felt like it was closing in and I needed to get out. I tried to look out the windows only to be met by a set of curtains blocking out the outside world from me, locking me in.

"I'll be at the beach," I said to Billy, rushing out of the house before he could protest.

As I crossed the threshold the front door I gasped for breath. The pressure in my chest started to ease and I regained my breath. 

I recognized what that feeling was, it was the same feeling I had when Edward went to hunt James. It was that same panic and fear I had for his life. 

I hated the control he still had over me. I needed to forget. I stared at the angry waves crashing against the the cliffs in the distance, as I walked along the shore. It was in this moment that something in me clicked and I marched back to where my truck was. I started the engine and headed for the road closest to the path for the cliffs.

When I reached the top of the cliffs I heard the sweet voice that haunted my dreams.

"Bella don't."

Edward.

I turned and saw his ghostly figure, an illusion, staring back at me. This was how I would let go. I needed to break all ties I had, all promises. I would be a reckless human, exactly what I promised I wouldn't be.

"You're not coming back and I need to be free. You wanted me to be human didn't you," I spoke back as if he were real. He wasn't.

Human was everything I was with Jake. I could afford to be reckless and enjoy life now.

"Bella, don't!" He was angry now...good.

I smiled and turned away.

I took a deep breath and jumped off the ledge, a scream leaving my mouth as I fell.

The air whipped around my hair as gravity dragged me into the vicious waves below me. As my body hit the surface I sank into the water. I fought against the water to reach the surface, gasping for breath. A feeling of victory washed over me and I looked to the top of the cliff where Edward was standing. He stared for a second before vanishing into the wind as a smoky cloud. Gone forever.

I was free,  I thought before the violent waves dragged me beneath the surface of the water once more and the darkness consumed me.