Forest BlackㅣJENLISA

Chapter 18

Jennie dragged her cold wounded feet over the rough texture of the asphalt under her, leaving bloody footprints from the ripped at places skin which quickly got washed out by the storm, and slowly made her way back to town, not tearing her eyes from mindlessly staring ahead, eyes empty, but heart and mind twirling with thousands of different emotions.

She didn't care about the rain soaking her clothes, didn't care a about the pain shooting through her body with every step she took, didn't care about the potential pneumonia and infection she could very easily get. Nothing of that really mattered.

If she was being honest, she wasn't physically able to notice any pain lower than the level of her heart, because that's there it hurt the her most. It made everything else seem meaningless, insignificant, not worth her attention. And why would she care about anything else? Nothing was really worth it anymore. She lost Lisa. Her love. The one she prayed she would be given a chance to have a happy future with. Even now that she knew things she wasn't supposed to, her desire didn't change even a bit. But It sadly couldn't happen.

After all the unsuccessful attempts to stay away from each other, this time Jennie knew it would be real. She could feel it deep inside her broken and hollow heart, hear it in Lisa's words of goodbye, see it in her apologetic and sad eyes before they parted way for one last time. Jennie knew that even tho she probably wouldn't ever see her again, her face and her voice would always be imprinted inside her mind and would add to the future torture of missing her.

It was already happening and it had been just a few minutes since she last saw the girl, but her words swirled around her mind as she kept walking under the rain. Jennie knew Lisa wanted her to be happy on her own, without the memories of the pain she brought her, without the memories of her. She wanted Jennie to focus on her life and future, and even try to love again - but someone who wasn't her. The thought alone felt like her heart ripped even further, slowly and torturously.

How could she love again? She wasn't going to feel the same, to smell, to smile, to laugh the same. She wasn't going to have those pink plump lips hiding lines of pearly teeth. She wasn't going to have that sparkle in her pretty doe eyes the way Lisa always had. Her touch wouldn't effect her the same way, make her head dizzy, give her goosebumps by the littlest touch between them, like she was a drug, to make her addicted. She wouldn't have her bony, large but soft hands or the smooth skin on her face that felt so good in the palms of her hands.

And Jennie certainly knew she wouldn't enjoy kissing someone as much as she did with Lisa. She wouldn't have the excitement and adrenaline that came with it, or with the thought that it was something she shouldn't be doing, something prohibited, feeling like she was breaking all the rules. Kissing her felt so perfectly imperfect. So wrong, but so right at the same time. It left her confused, but always desiring for more. She could never get enough of it.

She would definitely miss everything of Lisa. Even the smallest detail of her. She knew she would do anything for that girl, even if it meant something she didn't personally like. For example, moving on. But if that's what Lisa thought was the best for them, if that's what the girl wanted, she would make sure to give her best to fulfill her wishes. She loved her so much that she even dared to try and forget her.

Jennie was determined to do it. However, to make things fair, she wasn't going to do it only for Lisa, but for herself also. Even tho one side of her disagreed with her, her other one knew she was right. Moving on and focusing on her life, without tears and pain, would be the best for both of them. They needed to continue living in the future and leave the painful past behind. Jennie gritted her teeth and her hands formed fists at her sides because of the determination that suddenly filled her body. She was going to make Lisa happy and proud...and forget her forever.