Reunited [Sequel to Blue Python] [Discontinued]

Chapter 19

~Nagisa POV~

Apparently Karma bought an apartment before winter break. He told me it was meant to be a surprise for the holidays but that didn't go as planned so he surprised me with it on New Years instead.

It was nice having a place to yourself without having a curfew. We also weren't supposed to go in the other genders dorm, not that we listened to that though.

We got everything moved to our apartment, though I hate to admit Karma did most of the work.

With everything that happened at Touka's wedding, I'm having trouble walking. I can't walk for longer than an hour at a time on my own and have physical therapy once a week.

The doctors said I'm lucky.

I don't feel very lucky.

I hate feeling useless. I hate feeling weak. I hate feeling like I failed.

Yet, that's all I seem to be failing recently.

I can't really remember the wedding. It made me feel even worse when Touka said I was shot because I recognized one of the leaders that were there.

I felt horrible about everything.

The doctors say it's because I was off my medication for so long but even now it isn't helping. They switched it but it just got worse.

I couldn't sleep either. Even with sleeping medication. I'm constantly waking up from nightmares, often not even from the shit I've been put through.

I know Karma noticed this. I know he wanted to say something.

But something between us agreed that if we were going to talk about it I would be the one to start the conversation.

I haven't.

I didn't plan to do it either.

I was mad at myself for the nightmares happening in the first place. I've been injured tons of times but this has never happened before. Even after the world altering explosion it wasn't this bad.

Maybe it's because then I went in knowing it was a possibility.

Or because this is the worst that has ever happened.

Nothings ever been this bad.

And it wasn't supposed to happen this time.

I blame myself for it because in my mind it's my fault.

I should have been stronger.

I shouldn't have let my guard down.

I shouldn't have let them win.

I should have been able to protect the people I care about. That's why I do what I do. To help people.

But I wasn't able to do that this time.

I was weak.

I failed.

I really hate losing.