Amissis Imperium

Semper Pugna

Friday Morning

I woke up the sound of distant running water. Groggily, I opened my eyes to stare at the wall. I didn't even know when I had gone to sleep last night. I was surprised to find that I had, regardless of my worrisome thoughts surging loudly inside of me. 

Out of habit, I went to move from the bed that was underneath me, but the dreaded clinking was my expectant surprise. The same hand was handcuffed causing more strain and pain in my wrist. 

This was the fourth day that I was handcuffed to the bed. 

I wondered if I would ever be able to sleep freely again...without my hand being tethered to the headboard. 

"Nat..." Evan walked out of the bathroom. My eyes quickly darted over to him. I could see the bathroom door propped open. The steam seemed to be foreboding rather than relaxing. He took a few steps and ran his hand through his hair. "It's time to shower."

I used to love taking warm, hot showers. The feeling of the water touching my skin was so relaxing – I took a lot of them when I was trying to destress over the summer. There was always a feeling at the edge of my mind that Evan would break out of juvie and come for revenge. 

I never could have imagined that I would end up here, in his house, tethered to him like some sick pet.

"Natalie?" Evan called to me again. My eyes flickered up to see that he was standing beside me. I had zoned out momentarily, but I found that it was becoming hard to focus on one thing for too long. I knew that this was the starting of anxiety and depression.  

He was breaking me and ruining me.

If he was expecting a conversation, I wasn't too keen on talking to him. I hadn't spoken much since my outburst last night. Luckily, he hadn't raped me again – most likely because I didn't try to run away. 

It seemed like he would only rape me if I would try and run. He was a man -- monster -- of his word, for what it was worth. I hated that he kept true to his words, because if that was true then everything that he's prophesized might happen. 

I wouldn't come to love him, would I?

"Are you alright?"

No. I would never love him. Never again.

I turned around to ignore him. His voice grated on my nerves and also instilled me with fear. It was a strange feeling that overcame me when he spoke. I wanted to attack him in anger, but I also wanted to run as far away as I could.

It seemed like avoidance was the route that I chose to go down today...It might have been useless since he had me in the palms of his terrible hands.

I turned on my side, my wrist being tugged behind me as I did so. He began to chuckle before running a hand through my own greasy hair. I tensed as I felt his fingers start to play with it. I knew that it was stupid to think I could avoid him. He would continue to look at me like I was something that he owned and I could do nothing to stop it.

The small acts of rebelliousness and 'courage' wouldn't do anything to help me. It would only fuel his ego and lower my strength.

Keep fighting.

You have to keep fighting.

"I hate you," I whispered out, but he had heard it. I wasn't surprised, what, with him being so close to me. It didn't take him long to respond back to me.

"You'll learn to love me," he whispered confidently into my ear. I shivered and then tried to curl myself into a ball. 

I wanted it all to end -- I never want to see him or his terrible parents ever again.