Amissis Imperium

Exitus Stage Right

"Coming to bed?" Evan asked me from where I was sitting at the desk. There wasn't any expectancy in his tone -- it was an order phrased like I had a choice. I was staring down at the open book and notebook. I hadn't made much progress past the first number from the homework. I had too much that was going through my head.

I needed to do it tonight.

I slowly looked over at him and smiled.

"Yeah," I stood up, feeling the knife that had been tucked away in my sock. My feet hadn't been chained like they normally would have been. Evan had also stopped making me put on just his shirt to sleep in and I had been able to wear my own pajamas. He didn't even question when I had chosen to put on socks for the night.

I needed to do it tonight.

I walked over to the bed and slowly got up on it. My eyes lingered to the head of the bed where familiar handcuffs would be placed. They were absent now, Evan having put them away since they were no longer needed.

Months and months of being locked up at night were now just a scar in my mind -- as though my nights of being chained up were just a bad dream.

"I missed you," Evan said as I slid underneath the covers. I was careful to not bring my legs anywhere around him...he would find out about the knife. Instead, I turned to him and looked over. He turned off the lights while he also got underneath the covers.

He made deliberate eye contact.

"You don't have to study anymore if you don't want to, Nat."

My brain was quick to translate his words. It was a warning – you are not going to study anymore.

"Okay," I spoke compliantly. Evan pat the side of my head, gathering some loose hair in his hand. This was the part where I would speak my routine lie. I had spoken it so much the past couple of weeks that I had even begun to believe it.

"I love you, Evan," I said, my words were empty, but Evan didn't seem to notice it. He stopped petting my hair and gave me a small kiss on the corner of my mouth.

I felt nothing...I never did when he kissed me.

I didn't have time to reciprocate the kiss before he turned around.

Tonight.

"Good night, Nat," he let out a small sigh. "I think this weekend we'll take a trip to see my parents."

I stilled, remaining frozen to the spot on the bed. My heart was thumping loudly in my chest. I thought I could have felt it shake the entire bed itself.

I swallowed and clenched my eyes shut tightly.

"Can...Can I ask a question?"

The knife felt heavy – I felt a small feeling of betrayal.

I was going to kill him tonight.

I could feel him turn his body to look at me through the darkness. I opened up my eyes, to stare over at him. I knew that we couldn't see each other well with the shroud of darkness surrounding the two of us. It felt as though he were staring right at me – observing me like he usually does.

"Go ahead."

"Why are you here?"

He responded with a light snort. It made me feel small and ashamed that I had even opened my mouth. "Natalie. That's a loaded question..." He turned back around to rest on his side. I clenched my hands tightly as I glared at his back. I shouldn't feel like I had done something wrong for just asking a question – he shouldn't make me feel like I'm a disappointment if he reacts like that.