Light At The End Of My Tunnel

Chapter 27 ♡

Song of the day: Teach me how to love by Shawn Mendes.

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ALLISON'S P.O.V.

"Here, they are worried about you." A MacBook comes into exhibition before my eyes and I go stiff staring at his outstretched arm.

"Hi honey!" My dad stares into his screen as if staring into my eyes over here.

"Oh, honey! Do you feel better?" Jane cuts in restlessly and I keep nodding to all of her other questions.

"Are you in pain?"

"Have you changed the bandage?"

"Disinfected it this morning?" Jane keeps asking.

Jane?
Jane.
Jane? Why am I calling her that after all these years of finally getting comfortable calling her mom? Yes, that's it, the worry in her eyes. How could she go about worrying about me like that? And Kaitlyn, why were her hands that warm and why did she have to tuck me in bed? Why am I calling the woman who's sitting next to my dad in the face time, Jane?
My head sunk of its own weight as I realized the answer, the problem wasn't with them; Kaitlyn or Jane. They are just persistent reminders of my mom, of my loss years ago.

"Should we fly back honey?"

"It's okay, we'll understand." She continues.

"No. No, I'm alright." I finally communicate with actual words.

"I'm with the Sanchesters, you know." I chuckle uncomfortably.

"Blake checked up on you earlier but was told you were still asleep." My dad says and the inside of me feels this aching relief after hearing a true family's voice.
True family? Isn't Jane true family? I shouldn't be feeling this way about Jane, she doesn't deserve it. But I can't help it, not with the vibrancy of mom's smile invading my head as Jane smiles.

"Really? I, erm, must have been asleep for too long." I break the miserable silence by anxiously laughing.

"Are you okay, honey? Really okay?" My dad continues while Jane, well, just kept silent.

"Yes, I am." I give him a thumbs-up with my left arm.

"Okay, we need to go, we have a conference meeting."

"Bye, I love you." Jane cheeps and that was the instant I froze. I should say it back at least, but the words cluster up in my throat till the call ended.

"Why did you hesitate?"

"What are you talking about?" I answer with an extravagant, but forged smile.

The door never opened nor closed, Tristan was here the whole time. But it dawns on me, even if the door had opened or closed, I wouldn't have noticed amidst all the discerning I did earlier.

"She said she loves you" Tristan protests.

"And I know that she does." I state the facts. I really do know that she loves me a lot and that's where all these sprung from.

"So do you?" I turn around and see Tristan sitting on the bed.

"I...." I pause. "....I don't know."
My words sound so weak even to my own ears but deep down inside of me, I do love her, for standing by me, Dad, and even Blake. Sometimes, I wonder why she doesn't have kids yet. Am I by chance the reason why? Does she think I won't be able to handle it? Will I be able to handle it if she did had kids?

Where are all these questions coming from?

"You don't know? It sounded like it was a no or a yes but you camouflaged it." He explains logically.

After few minutes of muteness, he asks, "Do you need help with your hair? I wouldn't mind."

He wouldn't mind, great.

"No, thanks." I decline but there is no way on earth I will be able to untangle my hair without any help and so far so good, its only him and his mom I've met in the house and the possibility of feeling his mom's warm hands on my scalp or neck was a 'no no' for me. I needed his help but he's leaving.

"It's really tangled, would you be careful with it?" these words were my way of saying 'I take back my words, I need your help'.

Moments of his hands making contacts with my shoulders and scalp and them giving me comfort as he applies different hair products from the dressing table of which the only product I could recognize is a moisturizer, reminds me that I'm not worthy of receiving such comfort after treating Jane that way.

I continue to watch him concentrate on untangling my hair through the mirror.

"Thank you." I tell him after he ties my hair in a high pony tail.

"Can I ask you a question?" His condescending tone makes its comeback. How have missed it. -note the sarcasm.

And before I could reply, he asks, "How do you pretend everything's okay?"

"Was that why you had me kidnapped? Because you can't stand seeing me happy?" These stupid words fly out of my mouth but I could reason 'why they did'.

"I'm sorry. I had you kidnapped?"

"You might as well know that you're in my house and killing you overnight would have been so possible"

"Possible is an understatement" He leaves and I lick my dry lips in hurt.

That was it, I needed him to leave and not try to sympathize with me or care for me because I do not deserve it. A selfish person like me doesn't. I've been so self-regarding that I didn't realize how much Jane had given up just for me and how big my thoughts towards her earlier shows how selfish I am.

She couldn't even have kids because of me because she was so worried about me but here I am, calling her 'Jane' and 'not true family' all of a sudden.

Kaitlyn was just being nice and kind but I traced everything back to my mom and even right now, a part of me is still doing that.

What will it take to just be normal again?

My mom died and now I have people who love me, is it that bad to appreciate?

A/N.

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