Disgrace

28

DISGRACE

~

If I risk it all

Could you break my fall?

How do I live? How do I breathe?

When you're not here, I'm suffocating

~

"We should call it.." The nurse whispered to the doctor, in hopes of Giovanni not hearing her but unfortunately, he did.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'CALL IT'?? Sei impazzito?? You better fucking FIX it, tu piezza di mierda! If you don't, ti farò desiderare di non essere mai uscita dalla figa di tua madre."

Their face instantly paled as the nurse who said it, jumped. Her face hardened as she continued trying to get wake Celeste up.

Soon enough, the other nurse came back with caramel Elana in her hands, as she smiled down at her while cooing. My heart swelled and I felt tears welling in my eyes just looking at her. She has small fat fingers, multiple little buns for arms and she looked like both Celeste and I put together. She had my nose and my eyes, but Celeste's lips and ears. She was a beauty and I couldn't cherish her for that long before heading the nurse ask the doctor once again if they should call it.

I looked over at her and her face started burning. She turned away instantly away from me, avoiding eye contact at all costs.

Celeste was laying there, looking as graceful as she possibly could. Her hair flowed perfectly as the roots and her forehead were beaded with sweat from the pushing. I smile sadly at her, wishing she could roll over and grab her baby, our baby girl. I wiped a tear out of my face as I looked over at the doctor still resuscitating her while the nurses were pulling the placenta out. The doctor kept giving sympathetic looks but the harsh look on my face made him keep going.

Sadly, I walked over to the opposite side of Celeste, accepting that she was gone and probably never going to see her babies grow up to be more beautiful than they already are. I felt my body go numb as I held Elana close to my chest. Anger rose in me, not at anyone else more than myself. I was mad at the doctors, I was mad at the nurses, I was mad at myself but I forced myself not to blame the beauty laying in my arms right now. Years ago, I would've disowned this child and sulked my life away in my office blaming both Celeste and Elana for this but it wasn't their fault. It was no one's fault. But I couldn't help but to be hurt.

Imagine having to prepare yourself years early and try to figure out ways to tell your child that her mother died trying to have her, I could only imagine the toll it would take on anyone. Shit, I would hate myself knowing that it could've been my fault my mother passed.

But I'm going to make sure that Elana knows that mommy loved her more than anything.

Holding Elana up as if she was Simba and smiled at her as she pursed her lips making a kissy face and waved her arms around. I looked down at Celeste's non-moving form and pulled the sheets down from her chest. I pulled her hospital gown down just to expose her shoulder and chest, before placing Elana right on her chest.

Elana's breathing became hitched for a second before small coo's came from her pink lips and she curled a little closer on her mother's chest, seeming content.

I bent down on my knees and leaned against the side of the bed, watching them. They definitely had some similar features in some ways but she was definitely my twin. Soon, I wrapped my arm around them both and sobbed softly into Celeste's side.

My heart was broken.

I couldn't imagine being put in this situation again but this woman here, she was my rock.

I am nothing without her.

After about 20 minutes of me crying into her side, A nurse softly tapped me on the shoulder to let me know that they have to do the rest of the procedures on my daughter and they would have to remove her from under me and on Celeste.

As I was getting up, the unthinkable happened.

BEEP.

BEEP.

BEEP.

BEEP.

The heart monitor started going off rapidly. Both my and the nurse's eyes flashed over to the machine that was connected to Celeste with pure shock and curiousity. The heartbeat kept speeding and I know we were both thinking that there's no way in hell this could be happening.

Looking back over to Celeste, we both stared with wide eyes as we saw her hand slowly moved from her side to Elana's back in a protective wrap around.

"Don't..... take....my ba-..." She started, voice hoarce and raspy. "my baby."

Tears welled in my eyes immediately as the nurse ran out of the room, calling for a doctor. After being frozen in my spot for what seemed like forever, I flew at lightning speed over to her side, crying profusely.

Her eyes finally fluttered open, blinkly as she was taking in the intense light in her face. A sad smile went across her face as tears slid down her cheeks.

"Hi baby." She said, reaching a hand slowly up to her hair.

"No, no baby. You need to rest your body. Please." I leaned in and kissed her forehead.

"I met her, Gio."

"You met who?" I leaned back, confused as to who she was talking about.

"I met Dahlia."

My smile faltered as my blood ran cold. "What do you mean 'you met her'?"

"She came to me. She was wearing a.. a white dress." She stopped to cough. "She told me you needed me and she told me I needed...I..I needed to come back for you, for Elana and Mekhi. Then, I felt a warmth on my chest and she said it was my baby. But before she could finish, I heard soft coo's and something was pulling my back. She, she told me to come back and make you happy-"

Before she could finish her words, the doctors came rushing in and pushing me out of the room.

"Wait! WAIT!" I yelled but it was no use, I was already out.

                                                            ___________________________

SORRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! I've had the worst set of writers block guys. But I promise I'm going to get back into writing!

This was just a filler chapter! More will happen in the next one!

You already know what to do <3

VOTE, COMMENT, SHARE & add to your reading lists!!

Mwah <3