The Finch Curse

chapter 16

❝ forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. ❞

Chapter 16 - In Which Another Mental Breakdown Ensues

Monday, Noon

America

      My stomach twisted into a big knot of worry and my ears grew hot. It was hard to describe, but I felt as though I would bolt any minute. My body screamed at me to run and hide, but my legs were locked in place and wouldn't budge. Behind my glasses my eyes flicked around simply attempting to make sense of the chaos. I could feel tears form in my eyes, why? Noise swelled around me, but none of it made sense. Words didn't seem to be words, the world didn't just look right. The noise overwhelmed me, I could barely handle it all. A mental breakdown combined with overstimulation, or maybe one caused the other, it wouldn't make a difference. No longer was I in the lunch room, but a hurricane, a tangled mess of sounds and thoughts. Everything whizzed past my head, an ever-swirling cauldron of senses.

       And in that moment, I ran. There was no reason, no need to think, it simply felt like the only thing I could do. I wouldn't have been able do otherwise anyways. My legs cramped and my lungs burned, but all I could focus on was getting to my car. If maybe, just maybe, I went home and went back to sleep, it would all be okay. That this was a dream, and the minute I opened my eyes it was simply make sense. Swinging open the driver's seat door I plopped inside and took a moment to rest. My body shook as I struggled to catch my breath. It was raspy and uneven, and I felt as though I could pass out any minute. Whether it was from my mind or my body being exhausted I couldn't tell.

Russia

      America sat there shaking, struggling to catch his breath. Tears welled in the corners of his eyes but didn't seem to budge. He didn't look at me, and I didn't force him to. It wasn't the time to pry. Tightly he grabbed onto the steering wheel and kept his lips seemed shut. Emotion emanated from him, flooding the car with his feelings. If he was crying he would quite literally be a fountain of emotion. His grip stayed firm on the wheel, as if it was the thing grounding him to reality. Putting a foot on the pedal he began to race away from the school. Despite barely staying calm, he managed to keep his focus on the road and drove fairly well. I guess high amounts of stress help you drive, especially when you're running from the stress.

      Soon, the car arrived on a familiar path, the one to the cabin. The familiar forest expanse approached us and engulfed the car in shade, though sunlight did peek through the tops of the trees. Such a peaceful atmosphere, so blissfully unaware. Human drama sometimes seems so silly when you have things like this. My focus drifted back to the present as I quietly watched America. He parked the car before taking off his glasses and placing them on the dashboard. Curling up he drew his legs close to his chest and rested his head on his knees. America stared at the floor and stayed silent, as if he was hesitant to speak. His face strained to hold back emotions, but to no avail. Tears flooded down his cheeks as he struggled to keep quiet. Instinctively I grabbed his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

America

      I felt shameful, almost helpless(HELPLESSSSSS, LOOK INTO UR EYES—). To know that my closest friend's secret was revealed, and yet I went to that friend for comfort about it, felt silly. Why should he comfort me? Shouldn't it be the other way around? Why am I crying anyways? It's all just so stupid. I struggled to choke back another sob. Despite the convoluted situation, I still valued that he was here for me. To have just a bit of comfort made it all the better, even if only slightly. I need to tell him, not get his comfort. ...He's the one that'll need it anyways. Taking a deep breath, I omitted the words I dreaded the most. Not because of what the words were, but what questions they raised.

       "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

      Russia squeezed my hand again. "America..." he put his other hand around our clasped palms, "it's okay, just... tell me what happened." "I'm guessing NK saw you today?" He fell silent and hesitated before responding. "...Yes." I could barely handle the pressure I felt. "He..." my voice quivered," he told everyone about... this." I looked into his face. His eyes held a brief look of curiosity before restricting into a look of panic. Despite that we sat there in silence before he looked away and bitterly laughed. "Of course he did." A thin smile was plastered on his face, one seeking to conceal pain, or at least to hinder it.

      Obviously it wasn't working.

      Russia's face faltered between a false smile and pure despair, and his body quivered. Tears formed in the corners of his eyes and slowly traveled down his face, illuminated by the small glow from his eye. Blotches of white and blue seemed to bubble up on his skin before quickly being swallowed by red.  It seemed as though he was completely split, his two sides fading in and out. He le go of my hand to wipe a tear from his eye. I tried to comfort him back by squeezing his hand gently whenever it seemed to get out of hand. Taking off his hat he stared at it for a moment before looking back toward me. "I'll need to think. Спасибо for being here." He put his ushanka back on and left for his house. Lacking any other choice I simply did the same as well.

      Making my way back thoughts raced through my mind. To have this kind of thing happen... how do you even react? Quietly I slipped in through the back door and crept into my room. My parents normally weren't home, but I would always have to be careful. I nervously picked at a scab on my elbow. Sitting on my bed I tried to distract myself with some FNAF music, but it wasn't doing much. The often edgy music was good of course, just not quite 'calming'. Honestly it made me feel more anxious than anything. Can I even do anything? The situation felt hopeless, hostility pressing upon me from all sides. Reconsidering it, probably not. I wasn't in the mood to check my DMs, not after the scene I made anyways. I don't think I'll be able to handle everything, I already have enough trouble with being overstimulated. Looking to the pillow, it seemed there was only solution. Maybe a quick nap will help.... It won't hurt at least.

ʚ ɞ

I am currently conflicted on whether I should undo like 20 chapter's worth of writing to make russia have funky grammar/accent but I will Wait for (it) the other rusame book to do accent ksmksjlsjkj

also yes I may have been listening to fnaf songs on Spotify,,,,,,,, inspiration just,,,, hits u like that??? jksjsins ok I'm just a fnaf dummie <\3

also I noticed a big amount of fnaf music is like hard rock damn

oh uh feb 22, 2021

ew almost two weeks I'm sorry kajakbsjksj I need to manage my schoolwork and time + whatnot better