NOTE: Currently switching his book from 1st POV to 3rd POV. There'll definitely be some inconsistencies, especially as half of the chapter are edited and the other half not (essentially being my old writing style from late 2020 - early 2021).
The Fi...
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❝ it doesn't matter how slow you go as long as you don't stop. ❞
Chapter 19 - Sometimes I Forget to Love the People Around Me
Monday, Afternoon - Evening
America
I dreaded going downstairs.
In fact, I wanted to run away, even from my own room. I hated anything and everything that reminded me of myself, it all reminding me of how ridiculous I was. Guilt plagued my thoughts and I felt time slip away as I continued to space out and away from everything. Deep inside I felt even more guilty for not coming downstairs though, and so I forced myself out of bed. My hair was a mess and I knew I looked horrible, but I wasn't in the mood to dress up and look nice.
As I made my way into the hall, the sudden brightness of the lights made my eyes sting and water. I contemplated running back to my room and grabbing my glasses, but I already had made it this far. Every movement was agonizing. It was as if every breath felt strained and raspy. I was all too self aware, drowning in misery. Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me, and maybe I didn't truly feel this way, but it felt as such.
The soft creaking of the stairs ceased as I stepped of the last platform, and soon I had reached the kitchen. I tried to feign a look of joy, or at least not appear horrible, but the act seemed to falter every second, the mask of normalcy slipping further and further. "Ah, hey Ame." Canada tried to give me his best smile, and I did my best to reciprocate the gesture. Taking a seat at the table, I blankly stared into the food, only managing to eat a small morsel from time to time. Conversation seemed to buzz in the air, but I could hardly hear it. It felt as though I was across the room, or listening to everything through a telephone.
Suddenly Aussie gave me a small pat on the back. "Hey, she'll be right. I can treat ya to some Macca's if you want." "Thanks, some McDonalds sounds good." I paused for a moment before coming up with something snarky to say. "If you can drive that is." "OI! You're acting like I'm a hoon(a very bad driver)!" I could hardly hold back some quiet snickers, and from across the table Kiwi broke out in laughter. "Hey, you drongo! you can't even drive!" "I'll be able to drive soon!" Canada crossed his arms, pretending to be upset. "Yeah, you really think mom or dad will let you drive their car? They'd cause a whole kerfuffle if you tried to drive one of them without their permission." "You tell him sweetie." The minute France said that everyone else broke out in laughter. I tried my best to fake a laugh along with everyone else to fit in.
It wasn't like I didn't find it funny, in fact quite the opposite. But I felt out of place, separated from the conversation again. This wasn't exactly a new feeling anyways. When I was younger people felt bad for me and tried their best to include me, but it always ended the same. The conversation would trail off to something only they knew, and I'd be lonely again. Sometimes I wanted to tell people to not bother even trying. I quietly finished up my dinner and placed my dishes in the sink before making my way upstairs. UK's gaze landed on me, and it was almost as thought he felt pitiful for me, but I didn't anything.
I hated this feeling, but there wasn't much I could do anyways, I just didn't fit.
Russia
My brain swarmed with thoughts, a constant feed of information in and out as I continued to dance. The cabin had been cleared out for more room to dance, as dancing in the living room would be incredibly awkward. Out of the corner of my eye I could see my phone light up, and so I made my way over to the couch.
50states hey rus can i come over feelin kinda shitty
slav i think we can both say we're felling bad urod but sure im in the cabin right now
50states what, did anythign else happen while youve been at ur house?
slav nah i just needed to get away
50states honestly same, ill b there in a sec
slav gotcha
I continued to mindlessly dance around the room, occasionally tripping due to the sweatpants restricting my movement. After all these years I had forgotten how nice it was to get your mind off of things and just dance. "Pft, I didn't know you were a ballerina." My body froze as I stood there balanced on my toe with my right leg stretched out behind me. My right arm, which had been pointed upwards towards the ceiling, immediately shot down. Instinctively, I gave America the middle finger with my left hand and glared at him. Realizing who it was I left my facial expression soften. "...ballerino." He leaned in the doorway. "Really?" "Yes, it's Italian you debil."
Making my way over to him, I wiped off the sweat from my palms on my pants and put my ushanka back on. "Anyways, do you want some tea?" "Sure sweaty pits." Out of spite I grabbed my shirt and threw it in his face. "If you enjoy 'sweaty pits' so much then there." "What the fuck!" I ignored him and grabbed a bottle of vodka instead, quickly downing it. The drink burned my throat on its way down but it was better than nothing, and managed to cool me down fairly well.
As I flopped onto the couch, America took a seat next to me. "Are you going to put a shirt on or what? You're not helping my self confidence." My understanding of English isn't great, but is he trying to flirt with me? "You have no idea how physically exhausting ballet is, don't tell me to put a shirt on." America flipped his shades. "Just handle the heat baby!" "That sounded incredibly stupid." He crumpled over and held his head in his hands. "I know," he replied sounding completely defeated. "Okay, fine, I'll go take a shower and get changed." "Alright, I'll wait here for you." I quickly nodded and headed off to the bathroom.
It's been one hell of a day.
ʚ ɞ
hi i got motivation to write very epic
also yes belarus's tiddies and now russia's abs 😳 the writing is kinda funky for the dialogue bc how to write character be wack rn but ok
