ᴅᴏᴘᴀᴍɪɴᴇ| Fezco X OC| Hellboyyy_

018-Find Someone Else To Take You Home.

 I had come to learn over the years that love wasn't as strong and powerful as anyone really made it. It was scary, and it could hurt you. I loved my mother of course, but that hurt me in the end. I tried to help her, I tried to get her clean, but she still died because of angel dust. 

 Love kills you from the inside out; first it starts with your heart, then your mind, and then your body and life. And that's what's slowly happening to me. I had too much love to give, and lately I've been giving it to the wrong people. 

 Once again, I was staying at Nates, not wanting to see or speak a word to Fezco the past few days. It was winter break(despite us not having an actual winter) and I've mostly been staying in. I didn't want to go outside. My heart hurt, something I've only felt a couple of times in my life. "You've got to get up at some point, Dutch. You can't stay in bed forever. Things will get better at some point," 

 I reached my breaking point when Nate spoke, tears flowing like rivers. He froze up for a second, never seeing me like this before. But after a few, he rushed over, wrapping his arms around me. "Dutch, please don't cry, princess," My face was buried in his chest as my sobs overcame any other noise in the room. "I've never felt like this for anyone and he's knows that, I don't get what I did for this all to happen,"

 My eyes met his as he held my face, "You did nothing wrong, okay? Maybe just talk to him?" Nodding my head, I slowly made my way out of the bed. I threw on Fezco's hoodie and a pair of his joggers I took a while ago, making my way out of the house. I decided to walk and clear my head before I made my way to Fez's. 

 The warm air blew over my face and through my matted curls, and for once in the past couple of months (more like years) I felt at peace. The walk was long, but I needed it. Because when I went to knock on the door, I couldn't bring myself to do it. The tears built up once again, and I tried my best to hod myself together so I wouldn't fall apart in front of everyone. 

 When I did knock, no one answered. I knew Ash was watching though, per-usual. "Open up kid," My voice cracked as a few tears fell. My heart dropped in that moment, feeling the world crash around me as I saw the ginger open the door. I didn't dare to step inside though, not wanting to surround myself with the all too familiar scent of him. 

 We stood in silence before I worked up the courage to speak. 

 "Why?" My voice cracked once more as tears pooled my eyes again. "Why did you do this to me? I mean you fucked me up, Fezco. You hurt me. I love you, and I've never felt like this with nobody before and you hurt me!" He stood there, completely shocked by my tears and outburst. He's only seen me cry a couple of times, but not like this. "You kissed another dude, Domo. You fucked up first, not me," Is he actually serious right now?

 "I didn't kiss him! and I told you that so don't act fucking clueless. He kissed me and I pushed him away, I didn't even kiss back! Ask the kids, Ash even saw so you can't even say that I'm lying to you right now," He sighed in defeat. "I'm sorry, I know I fucked up bad. And I'm not use to this feelings shit. But I can't keep going back and forth with you, Dutch," 

 The door closed in my face, and once again I broke down. My hands reached for my phone in my back pocket and I dialed Nates number. When the phone picked up on the other line, I shut my cries out. "Nate, can you come pick me up please?" 

 "Find someone else to take you home."

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I couldn't go to my apartment because I lost my key a while ago and would use Avy's and there was no spare, and I couldn't go to Nates because Maddy was there and he'd choose her over everyone any day. And I couldn't go to Fezco's because... well because he was done with me. So I spent the night walking around, I got super high, drank, and blacked out.

When I woke up, I was on a play structure, drool on the side of my face. I felt like complete and absolute shit. Wiping the drool off, I sat up as slow as I could to refrain from getting a head. but to no avail, that didn't work one bit. The moment I sat up my head started pounding. In front of me was a baggy with two pills in it, and those two pills I would dry swallow and start walking.

I had nowhere to go, so I headed to the beach and sat in front of the water. it would touch my feet, making a cold chill run up my spine each time. I found the water comforting in some ways. When it was calm, I could become calm with it. It meant it was at peace with the world which means I could be too, but when it was harsh, I was always angry or upset. It was calm today, and while I didn't feel at peace, I felt a sense of comfort.

My phone was dead so I wouldn't be able to text or call anyone until I figured out somewhere I could go. So, my first stop was to Kats. Her parent's were always nice to me and haven't seen me in a while so maybe they won't mind me stopping by unannounced.

As her mother answered the door, she smiled wide. "Ah, it's been so long mija. Go on, Kats in her room," And that's exactly where I headed. "Hey kitty kat, what's with the setup?" She froze a little before moving to clean everything up. "Nothing, a school project," I nodded in response, plopping down on her bed and plugging my phone in before laying down. "I'm totally hung over, I woke up in a play structure at some playground god knows where,"

She stared at me for a moment before her eyes widened. "Are you high? Jesus, Domonique," her phone was in her hands in an instant before her fingers started typing hastily. "Who exactly are you texting and why does it seem so important? You gotta boyfriend or something?" She looked up at me with a glare. "I'm texting Nate,"

"Ouuu, are you and Nate secretly fucking?" She rolled her eyes at my response, "No, I'm telling him you relapsed." For the one hundredth time in the past few days, I felt my heart drop. if Nate found out, so would Mouse and Avy and everyone else. "Please, Kat stop you don't fucking understand," She shook her head at me. "No, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You need to get help because what happens the next time you OD and don't wake up?!"

"I was clean Kat, I'm just going through some rough shit-"

"Rough enough to put you and Avy's lives in danger? Rough enough to jeopardize all your relationships with everyone you know?"

"I have no one, Kat! Why should it even fucking matter? I don't have anyone, Avy turned her fucking back on me just like everyone else. She's at fezco's having the time of her life, knowing I'm hurting and need her. We're sisters, yet she's acting like we aren't. Family is supposed to have each others backs but instead she's laughing and smiling with the same gringo that hurt me!"

Kat stood there silently before tears began to well her eyes as well. "I won't tell him... just promise me you won't OD, I can't see you in a casket," Her arms wrapped around me as I began to break down for what seemed like the millionth time in just a few hours.

I lost everyone, and I failed all of them at the same time.

❃ǝuıɯɐdoᗡ❃