𝐌𝐢 𝐀𝐦𝐨𝐫 || 𝖳𝖾𝖼𝗁𝗇𝗈

꧁~At Home~(Part XXVI)꧂

(Minor TW later on. Skip to the next bold text that appears after the TW, to avoid reading.)

When I got to my room, I went straight to work.

I grabbed a clean pair of clothes and made my way to the bathroom.

My mind was in execution mode, I was going to get things done.

As I walked into the bathroom, I locked the door behind me and turned the shower on.

With a sigh of acceptance, I stripped my clothes from my body.

Only my bra and underwear left, I looked at myself in the mirror.

(TW: self deprecation)

I'd never felt more disgusted by the sight of my own figure. But there I was, standing in silence as I slowly began to hate myself.

The voices didn't even need to speak up this time, this was my own hatred.

No tears ran down my face when I looked at myself, I wasn't saddened by the wounds, I was sickened by my shape.

I removed my bra and underwear, my eyes not leaving the reflection in the mirror.

It was just me and my mirrored image, staring back at one another.

Eventually, I got into the shower.

The warm water hit my bare skin, but it did nothing to relieve the pain.

Standing for a minute or so, I swayed back and forth.

Listening to the sound of the water hitting the ground and me.

There was no music like usual, just silence.

At some point, I grabbed the bar of soap and began to rub.

There was tension as I waited for my wounds to sting, but I barely flinched when it started to burn.

It was as if I wanted the pain to be awful.

I anticipated the hurt because it seemed to be all I've felt recently.

~~~~

Then, as I turned the shower off, I reached for the towel and dried myself before wrapping the cloth around my body.

As I took the clothes from off the counter of the sink, I studied myself again.

Unwrapping the towel, and revealing my body once more.

I shook my head as I tried to ignore the emotions setting in.

~~~~

When my clothes were on, there was the slightest bit of relief.

I began to brush my wet hair.

Once the tangles were out, I sat down the hairbrush and picked up my toothbrush, before running it under the water.

~~~~

Finally, I was cleaned up.

Staring at myself in the mirror, the feelings came over me.

After slamming my fists on the counter, I bent over, sliding my hands up the marble.

I threw my head down in defeat as my body began to wobble uncontrollably.