My Red Queen |Red Queen fanfic|

What about me?

Evangeline

    It has been a while since I've seen my dear friend.  A friend who Inexplicably cares for me in ways that haunt me.  I cannot fathom why I took it upon myself to save her, to heal her. If my brother could see me now, he'd be ashamed of me. Caring. Caring for a lowly Red, a peasant, the lowest of the low. She ruined me. Stole both of my princes right from under me.

    Cal never loved me. Never saw anything in me. He would never give me the time of day, yet he fell for her. And Maven? Ha, he was never going to be mine even if I begged him. Both princes love that girl. Though Maven's motives are questionable at best, there is no denying that he'd do anything for her. Anything to make her forgive him, to love him.

I find myself getting jealous. Nobody has cared for me in that way. Not even my own family. 'You're going to be queen', my mother's sharp words echo in my head. 'But mama I don't want to be queen' I would cry. My mother did not tolerate weakness. She would whip around with fire burning in her pitch-black eyes. She clenched my neck, shoving me up against the wall. She'd hiss at me like a venomous snake, I swear she had fangs.

"I'm sorry, what did you say to me?"

      Of course, it was impossible to answer her with her hand squeezing my throat. I squirmed uncontrollably, pawing at her desperately trying to break free. "Mama..I- I can... breathe". Larentia dropped me like I was nothing. Barely sparing me glance as if my need to breathe disgust her.

"Eva, Eva, Eva", she glowered, "you don't get to choose what you want".

"But I'm too young-"

"Silence!" she interrupted.

    Larentia knelt before me, eyes squinting, her right eye twitching. She smiled devilishly. "My naive little girl. This isn't about you. This is about power".  Strength and power. You're nothing without either.  "But....why mama?"  She hated when I called her that. She always said it was disgusting. Implying that it made her sound more maternal than she was. Being motherly- a loving mother was a sign of weakness. Being perceived as weak was simply unacceptable.

"We're better than they are," she smirked.

Are we? My family has no regard for each other. My parents were arranged to be married, my brother and I are products of a loveless union between two people who hate each other. I am the only one who has compassion, though I am cautious about whom I allow to see it.  I care for others, I give so much to make them happy, and yet? Nobody gives a damn about me. No one held me during those lonely nights when I cried myself to sleep, no one held me, no one showed me kindness.

    I am a product of neglect. I'm hardened, full of angst and hatred. I work myself to death to be everything I am supposed to be. You're going to be queen. Queen-queen-queen.  Just once I wish someone would have asked me what I wanted out of my life.

What do you want

    I want to be loved like she is loved. I want someone to love me. That is why I am jealous of her. Though she is poor, she has people fighting for her, doing any and everything to protect her. Even if she doesn't see it, she is their world. She has everything that I want. I hate her! I'm better than she is, where are my men who should be fawning over me. Where's my so-called friend willing to die for me? Why does she get a happy ending and I don't? I did everything right. I was strong, I was powerful and I am beautiful.

I...I am good enough

Hot angry tears slipped from my eyes, gliding down my face. I close my eyes as they hit the floor, sounding like shattered glass.

" I forgive you".