My Red Queen |Red Queen fanfic|

Bargaining

~Maven~

Not you not this Maven . She won't marry me , no she flat out 'refused' to be with me because I am not him.

Not Cal , not even the former shadow prince Maven, I'm someone else entirely. She says I've changed, I'm not the same since father died and I became king . Have I lost myself? I never felt as if I'd become someone other than myself, truthfully I've never felt more me .
All my life I felt alone , invisible to everyone. I lived in the shadows of Cal's undying greatness, constantly being blackened by his blinding light. I lived without love . No one , not even the woman who gave birth to me could love me. Mother cared me yes but her heart was full of hatred and envy, genuine love was ever so absent when I needed it .

She loved power , father loved Cal and Cal loved being a soldier

No one . No one loved me , not one soul carried for poor prince Maven.

Enough is enough. If she wants who I was then I'll give her what she wants. She is the one piece that he always been missing from my life . Mare gave me hope , gave me someone to love and someone who finally loved me.
I won't let her slip through my hands , I won't loose her again . I won't , I can't.

"What would you like me to do ,Mare?". I hold my stare ," do you want me to give up my crown ? Revive my father ? What do you want?".

She gives me those cold hardened eyes, unreadable yet full of sorrow.

"Give me Maven , show me that he's still in there . Give me back the boy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with" she says.

I'm trying , I don't know how

"Shadow pri-"

"Shut up about the stupid shadow prince. I want my friend, I want the boy who wanted to change the world , the boy who risked his neck to save me ", she's now inches from face, "I can't be with the ruthless boy king . I can't marry someone I don't love".

Ouch

Don't cry Maven. Those words are like stab wounds and we both know it. She knows how to hurt me , make me ache from the inside out .

"You lied to me".

She doesn't bat an eye.

"You never loved me?" My voice wobbles uncontrollably.

She touched my cheek , looking deep into my eyes. She inches closer to me, heat starts to rise off my skin.

"You're blind king Maven" , she states using a calm soothing tone , " you see faults , you see the wrongs you've been brainwashed to believe. You think you're not good enough because of Cal , because of Tiberius".

Show me what I can't see

"You have good qualities Maven , you have your own achievements but you fail to actually see let alone be proud of them because you keep comparing yourself to everyone else".

I'm insecure about everything.

"It's okay to be different. It's okay to be you . You don't have to be like Cal or your father to achieve greatness".

"But you won't marry me, how can I be so amazing if the woman I love won't be my wife ?" .

Tell me how

"I gave you my flame bracelet, I spared Cal and I haven't even touched the guard . Hell I even killed my mother, what more proof do you need" I argued.

She's confusing me and I don't like it . She loves me , the old me , but she can't be with me. She asked me to do something for her I do but she doesn't believe it's real . She can't trust me yet she came back with me.
What game are we playing? What sick twisted game is she playing . I'm the one who plays games , I lie , I hurt and I'm the one who betrays. How have the roles suddenly reversed, how have I become the one with all the unanswered questions?

Mare tugs on my hand , spreading open my fingers she slips the ring into my palm.

Refuse, Won't , Can't

"Either give me the boy I thought you were or find yourself a new queen" she ordered me.