love at school

cleaning up the aftermath

I made John leave i could not stand the sight of him at the moment i hated the fact that he cared more about finding pete than his girlfriend and the fact that it was Paul who looked after me who made sure that i was ok made me so confused the more i thought about him taking care of me the more i thought about whether i made the right choice staying with John.

I know john loves me in his own way but sometimes i just did not feel loved and he seem to blank me whenever his friends were around and if i talked to Paul or another boy he got crazy jealous at first i found it sweet that he did not want any boy near me that he wanted me all to himself but now it is tiring.

Paul cheated on me and i never felt good enough for him but i knew he loved me and i loved him and i felt like i was loved and i was happy for a while and now i am so confused i find myself thinking about Paul alot thinking about how our life could of been had he been able to keep it in his pants and stay faithful to me. but john was the one that gave me butterflies and the way he looked at me if felt like he could see my soul like he was looking deep inside of me and he was the one i lost my virginity to and he does mean alot to me but his temper is scary.

I drag myself out of bed and make my way downstairs to find that my home is a complete mess from the party there are bottles everywhere and food trampled into the floor and i could scream

"typical lennon arranges a party at my home and does not even clean up after it"

I set to work and trying to tidy this place up before dad arrives back home tomorrow

I had filled two bin liners full of rubbish and that is just from the living room i sighed when i saw the kitchen the counters were full of beer cans and cigarette butts and it smelled horrible. i was glad when i heard the doorbell ring and i had an excuse to leave the cleaning for a few minutes.

I opened the door to see Paul standing there holding some cleaning supplies

" i saw the state of the place before i left last night and figured you could use some help"

" i swear you are an angel " i giggled as i let him in

" i know love it takes me ages to get me wings into these leathers every day " he teased making me laugh

' i have the living room all cleaned but i do need help wth the kitchen " i groan

we walked into the living room and Pauls eyes went wide

" i bet you regret offering to help clean huh"

" im starting to but i get to spend time with you so its worth it"

" do you ever stop flirting Macca"

Paul looked at me an amused look on his face

" you have spent way to long woith John"

" why you say that"

" you called me Macca he always calls me that that lennon is rubbing off on you and that is a scary thought"

Paul noticed that i suddenly looked sad

" hey cheer up love being like lennon aint all that bad"

" it aint that its just i dont know after all that with pete im just doubting my feelings for john and im doubting his feelings for me"

" why are you doubting him love"

" well after it happened it wasn't my boyfriend who thought to check on me it wasn't my boyfriend who looked after me and made sure that i was ok it was you he just went off "

" John is complicated he doesn't show love like most people he is scared to love anyone as everyone he does love gets takin  away from him so he puts up this front and he pretends that he is tough when he isn't. but when he saw you last night he looked terrified "

" I understand his childhood but I am someone who needs to be shown that im loved I need that affection and he hardly even holds my hand anymore"

" that's just his way of keeping his hard man image"

" but I don't need a hard man I just need to be made to feel loved and I don't feel loved by John anymore I just feel like im just there whenever he wants me. the only time he really paid me any attention last night was when I was talking to you and he only showed me attention because he was getting possessive"

" John loves you I know he does just stick with him and  I swear he will open up to you more just trust him"

" I don't know what I would do without you paul "

" I know im a blessing aren't I "

" your all right I suppose"

Whitney and Paul spent the whole day together cleaning up the mess and by the time she got to bed she was exhausted she knew she had to se John in school the next day but she did not know if she still wanted to be with him or not.