love at school

am i making a mistake

Woke up with a sore face and ribs. I moaned while trying to get out of bed. I jumped into a hot bath hoping the hot water would soothe my aching bones. Laying there I reflected on last night. I'm so lucky to have Paul maybe I should give him another chance as I'm never gonna get a chance to be with John again so am I being stupid turning Paul away.

I'm so confused I love John with every fibre of my being and  i love Paul but in a different kind of way. With Paul I feel  self conscious and fragile but I feel loved and worshiped but with John I feel passion and love and friendship and trust. I think thats the main thing I have with John that I never had with Paul trust.

If all hope of rekindling mine and johns romance is dead then why am I turning Paul down. Why am I killing myself wanting a man who doesn't want me no more.

The thought of me with Paul just hurts me. I feel like I would be cheating on John even though we ain't together my heart and love still belongs to him. I think i just ain't ready to be thinking about another relationship.

I pulled myself out of the bath which had helped with the pain but I was still sore. I put on some clean pyjamas when the door bell rang. My dad was at church so I went to answer the door.

I opened it and seen Paul standing there

"Paul what you doing here? Come in" I said moving to the side allowing Paul to enter.

"I just wanted to check on you after last night"

We both sat down the sofa while Paul inspected my face and the feeling of his fingertips gently brushing against my cheek and the feeling of his eyes staring intently at me made me get the butterflies in the stomach again.

"Err I'm ok. I'm feeling abit sore but I'll survive"

"I'm glad you will survive as I'm taking you out for lunch so go and get dressed and I'll whisk you away"

I was surprised I've never had anyone surprise me like this before.

"Are you sure?"

Paul laughed

"Of course I'm sure now go "

I jumped up and ran to my room to get ready. I was so excited I think this is just what I need some fun and a carefree day.

I tied my wet hair up into a pretty bun and pulled on a red dress and wore some white pumps and applied some make up to try and cover up my bruises.

I walked down the stairs and back into the living room where Paul was engrossed in watching the tv.

"I'm ready." I said breaking his attention away from the tv and when he saw me he smiled and scaned every inch of my body with his eyes.

"Tia your so beautiful. Wow"

"Stop it now where are we going?."

"To a cafe in town but I feel bad seeing you so beautiful you should be in the finest restaurant"

Paul looked upset and Tia grabbed his hand

"Now could i get egg and chips in a fancy restaurant. The cafe sounds fab. Anywhere with you is gonna be perfect"

"Then come on"

We jumped on the number 7 bus and Paul held my hand the whole time which I didn't mind. We arrived at the cafe and he pulled the seat out for me to sit down.

"Why thank you"

"You deserve to be treated like a princess"

"You are such a flirt" I laughed

" How can I not when I'm sat with the most beautiful girl in all of Liverpool"

"Stop your making me blush"

And he really was. When Paul gives you his full attention he makes you feel like the rest of the world has disappeared.

"Tia I really like you and I know your still getting over John and that's ok.  I just want you to know that I'll wait a million years for you to come back to me"

"That's so sweet. Paul if I did go back to you. What's changed? How will I know what happened before won't happen again. How do I know if I can trust you. You really broke me and if you done that again after all I've been threw with John I don't think I'll survive it"

"Tia I was stupid I didn't appriecate you and I took you for granted. Seeing you all this time with John and seeing you give John all the things you could of given me just made me realise that I lost a diamond and I'm so sorry. It's like that old saying you never know what you have until it's gone and it's so true."

"Ok"

"Ok what?"

"I'm willing to try again but if I ever feel like your cheating or not treating me right then I'm gone and I mean gone for good no more chances"

"I can't believe this Tia thank you"

Paul was smiling from ear to ear and while i was happy there was a niggling pain in my heart and I was doubting myself. Am I wrong for going with Paul when I still want John?