love at school

is there hope for us

I did not go to school the rest of the week I was to hurt to lift my head of the pillow. My dad must of known something was wrong but he did not question me which I was thank full for.

My mind was spinning with thoughts of what I done wrong. Was I expecting to much of John?. was I to demanding? I just don't know but there has to be something wrong with me.

Far to quickly Monday morning arrived and I had to go back to school. I had 4 days off already I knew I would be pushing my luck to ask for any more days to wallow I'm my own pity.

After a very quick shower I tied my hair back into a ponytail not even drying it and put the bare minimum make up on. I did not care to put effort into my appearance who did I have to impress anyway. NO ONE.

I left for school and walked the cold streets of Liverpool until I arrived at the dreaded gates of hell or if you want me to use the correct word school. I walked up to the front gates where as usual Paul and George were standing and there he was John was standing with them. They were all looking happy and my heart was crushed. How can John be happy? is he not upset just like me? how can be bear to smile? I inhaled a huge breath and walked up the steps each one feeling like a mountain.

"Tia your back i have missed ya love" George exclaimed breaking into a smile that showed off those pointy fangs.

" sadly I'm still here to face another day in hell" i said dramatically while George dragged me into a cuddle

" thanks George i needed that" i whispered to him.

" alright love. why were you off last week" Paul asked.

" oh i uhm had a cold" i lied

" your da let you off school for a cold?"

" yeah it was pretty rough" i said throwing Paul a look which begged for him to shut up and stop questioning me.

" oh well your lucky"

" glad someone thinks i am"

all while this conversation was going on John looked in every direction apart from mine. His face was emotionless like he did not even see me there or didn't care. He looked like someone ripped out his heart and replaced it with a brick.

" well me and you sweetheart are both in History now so come on" George said pulling my arm draggin me away

" bye Paul" i shouted over my shoulder

" bye love"

History class was always a bore but being with George made it a lot better.

" so you and John have broken up huh?"

I knew that we had but hearing the words being spoken made the situation some what real and my eyes glistened with unspilled tears.

" yes i suppose we are. its all a mess Geo "

" things with John normally do end up in a mess"

" i was just about to tell him that its always been him i wanted and that Paul will never have my heart because John owns it but he blew up told me to run of to Paul and that we were finished and i did not even get to tell him how i feel and now its to late"

" why is it to late? what is stopping you?"

George's question stumped me. I did not know what was stopping me maybe my pride my fear possibly both

" im not going to get hurt again i see the way he is acting around me and i know he has cut me off so anything i have to say to him will not be listened to or even cared about."

"John is smart and behind the tough teddy boy act he is soft. Don't let his exterior put you off telling him how you feel"

" but im not certain i feel the way i did now. When i think of John all i feel is love and hurt and the strongest feeling of them two is hurt. i just need a nice guy Geo"

" let me dump my girlfriend then we can elope love" he joked laughing

" don't tempt me Geo " i teased

The school bell rang indicating the end of the lesson

" have you any clue as to what this lesson was about Tia"

" i haven't a clue" i laughed

The next 2 classes passed in a blur and before i knew it break time had arrived

" finally" i shouted making everyone look at me while laughing

I shot up from my seat and made a quick exit

i made my way to the canteen and found Geo and Paul sitting of course they were with john and i was thinking about if i should sit with them or not when i walked right into Pete shotten"

This was the first time i saw him since the party and i froze i literally froze i just stood there looking at him unable to move. i didn't even know if i was breathing obviously i must have but i did not feel myself move at all. He obviously saw the fear in my eyes and he smirked at me and he lifted his hand up and i thought is he going to hit me and i heard this scream this girls scream and before i knew it i realised that scream was coming from me and i was crying while pete stood laughing at me

" fuck off Pete before the whole school knows what you did"

" i didn't do a thing she ran into me"

" well cant you see how frightened she is so go"

He walked off quite proud that he had such a effect on me

" hey love your ok"

I looked up and saw Pauls hazel soft eyes staring at me his face full of concern

" im sorry im such a idiot it was just the first i saw him "

" your not a idiot love now come on and join us "

I walked down and sat at the table and sat beside Paul and i was opposite to John

" so whats the plans this weekend macca" Johns voice filled my ears and i looked up to look at him and felt my heart beat faster

" dunno my folks are away if yas wanna come to mine and have a party"

" oh macca lad can count on you to hold a party" John cheered

" you up for it love" Geo asked me

" damn right i am. i am in need to 2 things"

" whats that love" Paul asked

" music and alcohol and plenty of both"

I could see John smirk and i felt something i hadn't felt in a while i felt hope for us

This very tall beautiful blonde girl walked towards our table and sat herself down next to John and i was confused. maybe she has the wrong table or has mistook john for someone else but when i looked back towards them and saw them two kissing i knew she was not mistaken John has replaced me already and i wanted to die right there in the cafeteria. At this moment i hated JOHN WINSTEIN LENNON