in which joelle d'amore is completing her final semester of university in the grand city of los angeles, california. when she finds herself in the presence of harry styles, a piercing man with dangerous agendas, she is permeated with fear. she saw s...
TRIGGER WARNING: vulgar language and brief mentions of child abuse and PTSD ahead.
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Chapter 13
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Heartbreak. We all go through it at some point in our lives, but it varies in the case of extremity. Some of us experience it harder while others not as much. It's up to us how we choose to deal with it; either to rise in resilience or to live forever in delusion.
I've already experienced the worst kind of heartbreak anybody could ever feel, I think.
I held the hand of the man I've grown to adore until his last dying breath. Having to watch the doctors unplug my granddad from the machines that helped him breathe, had been the most painful sight. Having to be the one to allow it, had been the most difficult decision I've ever made. The last breath. The final huff and the sound of a flatline still haunt me when I think about it.
I could've resented my mom for not letting me grow up around him. I could've kept him hooked onto the machines for the slightest chance he could come back.
Instead, I recovered. I grieved his loss and now I've come to accept fucked up fate. If I survived that, I could survive this.
I've been betrayed by the two people I had considered to be the most important in my life. Though, August's betrayal is hurting more than Matthew's. Boys come and go, but sisters—as she would claim us to be—are supposed to be forever.
I can't shake the hurt as I let it all out on the graveled ground beneath me. I want to rise, I do, but I still cannot fathom it all.
How could they?
I wipe at my tears with the palm of my hands the moment I hear the spring door open. After a sniffle, I look up to find Louis. I watch as he lights a fresh cigarette.
"Shit, what are you crying about?" He asks. It isn't long before he sits in a crisscross on the dirty ground across from me.
"Um," I begin when I hadn't expected the company. I sniffle once more and look away from his intense blue eyes. I look at the sleeves of his sweater tugged over his knuckles instead. "I found out that my... boyfriend and best friend have been sleeping with each other today."
Louis doesn't say anything, perhaps to take in my dramatic situation. He then turns his cigarette over and offers it to me by holding it up.
I look at the stick and then at him. "Oh, I don't-"
"Don't knock it till you try it." He grins.
I'm unsure as to why I'm suddenly tempted to have a smoke when it has never appealed to me before. Is it as blissful as they say? I think I've inhaled enough second-hand smoke in my life to master the bad habit. What could go wrong?
