"Secrets are Made to be Kept" Osamu Dazai x Reader x Chuuya

Changing for Myself

If you'd like to, play the song above throughout the chapter :)

I woke up earlier than I usually would, and the first thing I did was check my phone. There weren't any new messages, but when I clicked on Chuuya's it had said "Read 1:34am." I sighed. As much as I hated to admit it, I really had hoped he would at least say something, anything.

A couple of days had passed and I still hadn't heard a thing from Chuuya or in that matter, Dazai. I wasn't gonna lie, I did feel bad for my actions, but Chuuya shouldn't have yelled at me the way he did either, and then continue on to get drunk afterward. It honestly pisses me off a lot, and he knows I hate it.

I'm still not sure of when I plan on going back to the Mafia, or the agency. I don't really want to go back, I don't want to see either of them. I was only doing what I had to, to protect Chuuya and myself. Chuuya doesn't really have a real reason to be angry at me anyway, he should have known I was just doing it for both of our sake.

I finally pushed myself out of bed and walked over to the bathroom. There was a single toothbrush wrapped in a plastic cover along with a small tube of mint toothpaste. I opened the plastic around the toothbrush and took the foil cover off of the toothpaste opening and put it on the toothbrush. I went to put it under the water but when I moved the handle, not even a single drop of water fell out.

I sighed and just put the toothbrush in my mouth without bothering with the sink. I stared at myself in the mirror, my soft (h/c) hair fell gently down my lower back and over my eyes. My eyes shifted over to the scissors which were just barely visible in the cracked open drawer.

I pulled the drawer open and took out the scissors, after I finished brushing my teeth. I pulled my hair straight in front of me and snipped it all off to my shoulders, and from there I kept making it shorter. At that point my hair looked almost identical to Junichiro's haircut, except there was no part between my bangs, they just fell forward over my eyes.

I took another look in the mirror and smiled, not only will looking like this make Dazai, nor Chuuya recognize me, but it makes me feel better about myself, it felt normal. I left the scissors on the counter and pushed the hair that had fallen onto the floor aside into a plastic bag, which I threw away.

I walked out of the small motel room and started walking around the small city. The air was warm but the wind that pushed past was chilly, it was almost perfect out. There were very little clouds in the sky and the sun shined through all the narrow streets and allies. This morning seemed more crowded than yesterday with Chuuya, there were more people out and talking to one another.

Every building I passed seemed to have several people inside. I crossed the street to a nicer clothing store, obviously in need of some new ones. As I opened the door, the smell of gingerbread and coffee welcomed me. It was fairly bright in the shop, multiple windows on a majority of the walls, and warm yellow lights.

There were two younger ladies sitting behind the cash register together showing some shirts and shoes to each other. I walked in and started looking around at the clothes. Most of the shirts were more oversized for me, but they sure as hell were comfy. I picked a couple plain t-shirts out in different colors and tried them on with jeans and cargo-pants.

After I finished trying everything I had picked out on, I went over to the cash register where the two ladies were chatting to each other. I laid my things down on the counter and a blond-haired woman turned her glance up to me and smiled. "Hello! What can I help you with today?" The sunlight bounced upon her silver eyes creating a beautiful glow to her expression. "H-Hello, I'd just like to get these things please." I said, keeping a warming smile glued to my face.

"Alright! Let me just total that price up for you quickly!" she said sweetly as she carefully removed the hangers from each shirt, separating them into a bag. She seemed to be good at her job, as it only took a few seconds for her to get everything packed into a small bag. "That'll be $37.54!" I took a small tan bag out of my pocket and opened it to exactly $40 left, and handed it to her. She sorted the money in the slots and handed me the leftover changc.

"Thank you!" I took the bag from the counter and put the extra money back into my pocket before walking back out the doors. Directly across the street from me stood Dazai, with a single red rose in his hand. I stared him in the eyes with disbelief, why would he come back?

"I'm sorry, forgive me." His soft spoken words wrapped around me like a warm blanket, a warm blanket that couldn't quite reach all the way around me, that left that one exposed part of my body cold. The bright light illuminating from the sun made the tears descending from my face look like crystals.

I wasn't crying only for the reason I had missed seeing his face, but for the reason that I felt awful for my actions and words, and how he could ever forgive me and come back, but he did, he came back. "I'm so- I'm so sorry." I said softly under my voice. I walked over slowly to him, and rested my head against his chest. "I didn't mean anything I said, I'm so sorry, I mean it I swear."

I felt his arms wrap around me and he leaned his head next to mine. 

"It's okay, my dear Belladonna. Please don't cry. Did you cut your hair? I almost didn't recognize you."

GUYS! I am so so sorry for not updating I lost motivation for a while and I feel so bad. I was planning on updating this for the last two weeks but never got to it and i've been super busy. I promise I will try to be more active!! I'm planning on finishing two chapters this weekend to make up for it and post in the same day.