"Secrets are Made to be Kept" Osamu Dazai x Reader x Chuuya

My Life Starting Over

"How could you ever forgive me for something like that?" I said, my hands were in fists against his chest, and kept my eyes on the ground, avoiding contact with his. He moved his hands gently upon my face, and wiped the tears from my cheek, and bent down on his knees to look at me. "It wasn't all you, and I understand that now. I know now my actions caused the reaction from you, so who am I to blame?"

My eyes were tied to his, his soft brown stare gave me comfort, although I knew in the end what he was doing now was just a way of manipulation, I knew there were still words that were aching to leave his mouth that would erase everything he's already said. I stayed staring, desperate for the next phrase. "However darling," there it was, the words I longed to hear for.

"How could I have not reacted that way, seeing you there with Chuuya like that? You know how much I hate him." The corner of my lips turned upward, and I gave a smug expression. Dazai stared into my eyes, a slight frown, a dangerous one. His eyes became narrow and his brown eyes grew impatient.

"You can come back and get me as soon as you figure out where you stand in my life," I said smiling. Dazai was quick to grip my shoulder as I turned to walk away. "Is that so?" he said. "Fine, then come and find me once you realize how little I care about my worth in your life, and how much I value you alone, regardless of how much you do for me."

"Manipulative bastard." I say crossing my arms. "I think you've been spending a little too much time with Chuuya." he said laughing. Chuuya, His name danced around in my head, and this time I couldn't rid of it. That stupid hat-wearing, wine obsessed ginger. I couldn't help but miss him, his words were always so soft-spoken and true, It broke me the way I saw him that night.

Dazai seemed to notice I was in deep thought and tapped lightly on my shoulder. "Did I miss something?" he asked, concerned. "Oh, no, not at all, it's nothing!" I said with a big smile, attempting to paint over the fact that I had missed Chuuya.

"Hey, Dazai?" I said now locking my eyes with his. He looked at me for a second as if waiting for me to finish my sentence. "Oh, uh well, I think I might stay another night in the place I have been staying at, if that's alright." I turned my eyes to the ground next to where he stood.

"Oh? Why is that?" he said, jerking his head slightly to the side. To be completely honest, I don't even know why I wanted to. I just wanted to be alone for a little while longer. "Uh- my stuff is there so I figured I might as well stay there and then collect my things in the morning as soon as I wake up."

"No need to worry about that, I can help you gather your things and move them back into my place." he continues on in a rush. "But- wouldn't that be a struggle?" I said trying to get the point across that I wasn't ready to go back with him.

"Not at all, I can gather your clothes into a bag and carry it and then you just grab anything that I missed," he said, obviously not understanding. "But Dazai-" I began, but he had already started walking his way towards the motel. Awesome. I sighed and followed slowly behind.

We walked a couple more blocks before he stood at the door waiting for me to catch up to open the door. As soon as I got close enough, Dazai grabbed my hand and pulled me quickly to the door impatiently, but with a smile.

I searched my pocket in front of him. "I must have dropped it back where we were at, why don't you go back and-" I was interrupted. "No worries, I always keep some hair pins in my coat pocket. I can pick the lock on the door," he said keeping a smile stitched onto his pale face.

I frowned. I guess I couldn't get out of it now, besides we were already here anyway. Dazai leaned over and put his ear closely to the lock as he shoved the pins in the keyhole. He moved his hands slightly until he heard a soft "tick" sound, as he liked to say.

"Aha! Got it! Aren't I just the best?" he said, gleaming with joy. Not gonna lie, It was sorta cute to see Dazai excited, it was really one of the first times i'd seen him like this. A smile slowly crept onto my face with me being unaware. Dazai turned to me as soon as the door opened. "What are you so smiley about huh?" he said, suddenly his smile fell.

"Oh, me? Nothing." I said, quickly my emotions dialed back down. Dazai walked around me and rested his hands on my shoulders, pulling his lips close to my ear. A rosy color aroused my cheeks. He was looking at me from the corner of his eye, with an amused smirk growing onto his face. I turned my head ever so slightly so the side, away from his face.

"What's the problem, y/n? Is something the matter?" he said, interrogating me. I clenched my jaw. "No, nothing at all, let's get my things." I pulled away from him quickly and immediately went into the bathroom to gather all my smaller items.

By the time I had come out of the bathroom, it had been nearly 5 minutes. Dazai stood next to my clothes, freshly folded into a neat pile. "Oh- wow that was really fast," I said, half interested in how he did it so quickly. Dazai smiled and said "Yeah, I know. Are you ready?"

** I would like to apologize for the lack of updates lately for those who didn't see my announcement. I started school in person again and that includes working everyday. I haven't had much time on my hands anymore, and when I do I usually get unmotivated or distracted. Also, I am aware this doesn't have much of a story line, I've gotten few e-mail's telling me to follow a specific story line or plot, which keep in mine this is my first, FIRST* fan-fiction ever, I'm practicing and improving as I go. Anyway, thank you so much for the amount of patience from all of you and I sincerely appreciate you guys. Much love. <3