A Plus In Love

*PAIN IS MY FAVORITE COLOR*

    While I was waiting in a room for the emergency room doctor to come in my phone buzzed. I ignored it at first, thinking it was my mom, who was sitting in the car with Eve. But then it just kept going off. I turned it over, ready to throw it against the wall. But her face was there.  

    “Baby?” She pulled a ragged breath. 

    “Giles McKellen St. Claire! What is wrong with you?  You punched a concrete wall?” Well at least she was talking to me. 

    “It wasn’t really on purpose. I was angry.” She was going to say something, but stopped herself. “I miss you.” She exhaled and I wanted to feel her breath on my skin. “I’m not good.” She whimpered. God. 

    “I know Giles. I miss you too.” She took a deep breath. “I’m hoping to come home soon, but if you keep this up you might not be there when I do.” I didn’t get a chance to respond as there was a knock on the door. 

    “Don’t hang up.” I laid the phone on my leg and the door opened. An old man with a grey beard came in and smiled at me. 

    “Hi I’m Dr. White. So we had a particularly hard impact?” I nod and he examines my hand. It's tender when he lightly presses around the joints and angry scrapes. “Well I want an x-ray to be sure, but I don’t think it’s broken. So sit tight, they will come get you for x-ray.” He left and I picked up the phone. She was still there. 

    “I’m glad it’s not broken, hopefully.” She sounded much more tired now. “I have my phone now, so we can talk to each other. They just gave me a sedative before I found out about your hand. I'll sleep for a while.” She yawned. “Text me what you know Ok?” I nod my head.

    “Yes. I love you, Lily.” I hear her smile. 

    “I love you too, Giles. Bye.” I listen to the line go dead and they take me for x-ray. No breaks, but tissue damage and brace. I get a prescription for painkillers and meet my mother in the car with Eve. We pick up the prescription and go home. I just lay down and hold my phone in my hand.  It was morning when I woke up and Lily had text me a few times. She had dinner, watched a stupid movie and went to bed for the night. 

“Giles” I yelled at the sudden noise. My mother jumped and Eve started to cry. I took her and rocked back and forth with her. “Sorry didn’t mean to scare you. But I have to show you something.”  She smiled in that forced way that she did when my father was drinking. “I think you need to read it.” She handed me. A large envelope, address to me, from a..law office. I looked up at my mother. I pulled the papers out and started reading. It only took me a few seconds to get the gist. 

“Seriously? She attacked me and now I’m being petitioned for a paternity test?” There was a bunch of legal bullshit, but I had to submit my DNA to determine the father of the child of one Ms Melanie Hanley. There was already an appointment set up for me.  “Do I have to do this?” 

“The papers say she is wanting to put the baby up for adoption. She has found a family, but they want all assurances. So.”  Anger boiled up inside of me. 

“So I don’t get a choice about one baby, and my choice is being taken away on another?” I knew this baby wasn’t mine, but to not even be asked. To be told. I ripped up the papers and left for the track. I ran around and around, feeling the burning in my legs, my core and my chest. It burned like the pain of losing our child. Like the pain of seeing Lily lose your spark after. I ran until my body wouldn’t go anymore. 

I slammed into the ground and drew in painful breathes. I wanted to hold Lily. I wanted to go away from here. Just be gone. I laid on my back staring at the sky until my muscles stopped pulsing. I didn’t know what to feel or what to do. I sat in my car and called Lily. She picked up after one ring.