A Plus In Love

*THERAPY*

    “Where did you go just now Lily?” The voice of Dr. Watson brought me back to the present. I couldn’t remember the question she asked me, however. 

    “Um…blank, I think” She wrote something in her small leather bound notepad. I had gone through four therapist before finding Dr. Watson. She felt like she actually cared. It probably helped that she was fairly close to my age. I hadn’t asked her, but my guess was she was twenty-five or so.  She had kind eyes and a lovely face. 

    “Ok, let's try again. Where do you see yourself in five years? Where do you want to be?” I had no idea. I couldn’t see the next month, much less five years from now. I just focused on the minute in front of me lately. 

    “Well Ruby will be seven and in school, so I’ll have more ti..” 

    “No. That’s not what I meant. I want to know where you, yourself, Lily, see yourself. Where do you wanna be? Without thinking of anyone else.” Ha, I hadn’t done that since I first got together with Giles. Hey, I hadn’t done that since I’d been with Giles. That probably wasn’t a good thing.  “Take your time.” Before Giles, I wanted to go to college, get my degree in Mental Health, and help people like my brother. 

    “In five years, hopefully, I’ll have a degree and working to help people with similar issues to the ones my family has experienced. I think having gone through it will be beneficial to my patients.  I want to do something meaningful as well. Not just help make some corporations wealthier.” That all seemed so far away now. Almost out of reach. 

    “That sounds like a wonderful goal. I know I find it very filling, I think you will too.” A bell dinged and my session was over. “Well that is a pretty good stopping point. See you Thursday.”  Giles and Ruby were in the waiting room when I came out. Ruby was asleep on his shoulder. Usually this sight made me smile, such a sweet picture. But today, it made me realize that I had put myself on a different path than the one I had just described. 

    I could of course take online classes, why not add more time and stress to my day. Now that I was staying home with Ruby, I was in charge of the house.  My mom would help when she got home, but she was working more now. So was my dad, Johnny and Ruby moved in with us. They had bought Laura’s house and it needed repairs. Since Johnny was living at my house, Giles basically was too.  Jockeying the two of them was a full time job on it own.

    Giles did get a part time job, he was coaching the kids for the summer at the Community center. So I at least had a brief break in the afternoon. Ruby usually napped and I cleaned. Or started dinner, or folded laundry. I didn’t have two seconds to myself and everything had been a blur since we got home. 

    “Hey” Giles touched my thigh. We were already in the car going down the road. “Did you hear anything I just said?” I shook my head. 

    “Sorry, therapy was eventful. What did you need?” He looked at me  with concern in his eyes. 

    “Instead of cooking dinner, let's order pizza and watch a movie. Things have been crazy and we need to find time to slow down.” He was a smart one. 

    “Yeah.” . I was thinking everything needed to slow down. I was so overwhelmed with everything that I didn’t think about what a toll taking care of everything would really take on me. I love her, and taking care of her. But I spent half the day trying not to full on break down, because my own child would never be. 

    Johnny was home when we pulled up. He came out of the house when we got out of the car. Ruby squeals when she sees her big brother.  I get all the crap out of the car and we all go in. After dropping everything on the couch I went to my room for a shower. I needed just a few minutes alone to think. However, I no more than step in the hot spray of water when there is a knock on the door.