A Plus In Love

*JUST ANOTHER COURTROOM*

    “What? Johnny, No. Besides the fact that I’m in no condition to be anyone's Wife, I’m in love with Giles.” He looked like I had just broken his favorite toy truck. “I love you Johnny, but not the same way. You have been through a lot, really quickly and I think.” I didn’t know what I thought.  He grabbed one side of my neck. 

    “It’s the only way I have a chance at getting Ruby. I have to give her a home. I can only do that with you. I know you and St. Clair are into each other or whatever. It wouldn’t be like that. I just need to get custody of Ruby then we can get it take care of.” This was why he was so quiet. I thought he was preoccupied with his mother’s death. He was working this out.  He was focused on Ruby, maybe as a way to avoid grieving.

    “Johnny, hey, it’s late. It’s been a long, really  shitty day. Let’s go back, get a shower and snuggle with Ruby, Ok?” He nodded and we walked back. I made him take a shower first and I tried to call Giles. He didn’t answer, so I sent a text message and laid with Ruby while she watched her bedtime cartoons.  I tried calling again when I got out of the shower and left a voicemail this time. 

    Ruby was almost asleep when I came out but she fussed until I laid down and she twisted her fingers up in my hair. She had Johnny’s pinky in her other hand, and it only took a few minutes for her to start to sweetly snore.  I watched her for a while, chest rising and falling. Lashing fluttering. I had to fight the tears. I had to fight my thoughts. I was not a monster whos body killed her child. I could not do anything to stop it. It was not my fault. 

    “Lil,” Johnny’s voice caught me off guard. He reached over and stroked my cheek softly. “We’re here” I gave him a small smile before snuggling closer to Ruby. The day started to creep into my muscles, pulling sleep over me.  I felt another small tug on the ends of my hair just as I fell asleep. 

    I was just  lost in a dark haze of sleep when a whimper pulled me back awake. Ruby was softly crying in Johnny’s arms. He was hastily throwing a bag together. It took my fuzzy mind a few minutes to get together what was happening. 

    “What the hell are you doing?” I tried to keep my voice down, but I was rapidly getting furious with him. “Where are you going to go with a toddler? How far do you think you're going to get without money, Johnathan Neil! !” He was doing his best to not look at me. 

    “I’ll figure it out, Lily. I’ll do what I have to do to keep us together.” His voice was low but harsh. He never spoke to me like that. “I don’t care what I have to do.” I knew he was feeling desperate. I had felt it before, but I had someone there for me.

    “What are you going to do when they pick you up? And they will. They will take her away. I know you feel like everything is falling down around you, Johnny. It’s not. We are here. I’m here.”  He stopped for a moment. Then he turned to me. 

    “Are you going to change your mind about marrying me?” I shook my head. “Then we are leaving.” I stood in front of the doorway. Ruby reached for me. “Move.” She started to cry when he wouldn’t let her come to me. “Lily” 

    “Johnny. I will scream. I’ll call the cops. You know this isn’t going to end well” He sighed. 

    “I already have the keys to your Dad’s car, I have cash I’ve been saving from work. I’ll lock you in the bathroom. I promise you’ll never see us again.” He was serious. Johnny's face was hard and blank. I’d seen that look before, on my brother’s face.  It didn’t matter what I said. His mind was set and I wasn’t going to be able to change it. 

    “What if I said I would consider…..legal processes” 

    “What?”