A Plus In Love

*EVERYBODY'S BACK*

Was this all my fault? Had I brought this all to pass with one decision? In that moment when I decided that I wanted Melanie to suffer, had I stired my own cosmic fate? I didn’t know how else to describe what had happened since that day. But I hadn’t been vicious, I hadn’t been cruel. Sure, I had made sure that she got her feelings hurt.  But did that really equal this? Losing a child, losing Lily. Losing pieces of myself. Would things have been so different if I had said no. 

    I most likely would have dated other girls, would Lily have  been one? Melanie said I paid her attention . I didn’t know what that meant. I looked at her for sure, but I looked at other girls too. I didn’t speak to her that often, and we weren’t friends. But Melanie was always so particular about Lily. Maybe that’s why I said yes. I knew the fact that I was working with her would upset Melanie. 

    I never expected to have something real with Lily. But when she turned away from me that first day and she smiled at Jackson, jealousy burned through me. I never felt that and I didn’t like it. I should have stopped it there. If I had stopped it there, maybe I wouldn’t be where I am right now. Maybe we would have never known. I’m not sure which is better. 

    “Excuse me, space cadet, can I help you? ” A tall older man sat at the window opening beside a locked door. .I had been waiting ten minutes for someone to acknowledge my existence.  He didn’t look like he was in the mood to be helpful. 

    “Sorry, got a lot on my mind. I'm here to see Mr St. Clair.” I spoke into a hole cut into reinforced glass. I handed him the papers for my visit just at the bottom of the pane. .  He looked them over before a buzzing sound, and the click of the door unlocking. I walked through to a common area. Other patients were there with their families. It was a sparse room with a large open space.  To one side there were tables and a large television. There was theater style seating  directly in front of the screen. Then large plastic chairs you could push around. I looked over the room twice before finding my father in a corner, with a book.  Each step brought more and more anxiety.  When I was right in front of him, the urge to run was so strong I had to bite it down. “Father.” 

    He looked up from the book. His normally hazy eyes were clear, but sunken. His skin looked like it was just hanging off his skull. Grey was more predominant in his beard than black. He was thin, a wispy version of himself.  He pressed his lips together and sat the book down. Jules Vernon. 

    “I thought you might be interested to know that you have a grandchild on the way.” He scoffed. 

    “So you're going to marry that fat girl then? Did you come for my blessing? You don’t have it” He reached for his book. I slammed my fist down on top of it. His eyes shot up to mine. He almost dared to have some kind of look in his eye. 

    “I don’t give a fuck about your anything. Her name is Lily. I’ll marry her tomorrow if she’ll have me, but we aren’t having a baby. Your other son is.” His eyes widened. I was sure that his expression would give him away. That I’d know without him telling me. But his face was full of surprise. That could mean many things. “Did you know? Did you cheat on my mother?”  He swallowed hard, shaking his head. He worked his fingers through his hair. 

    “No. I did not know that I had another son.” He took a deep breath. His knee started to jiggle off to the side.  “ I didn’t cheat on your mother, Giles, it was  with her.  I was with another woman when I met your mother. We were supposed to get married. Our families had pushed us together for years and we finally stopped fighting them.” He looked out the window before continuing. “I had only been with your mother a few times when you…”  I pulled out a chair to sit down. It was heavy, like there was sand in the bottom. “I did the right thing. I married your mother.”