Limitations in Observations / Dreamnotfound

Who to Choose?

    Dream came through the door with a sigh. He locked it and made his way to the living room where me and Sapnap were conversing. He's obviously confused as he looks between us.

   "Welcome home honey." Sapnap is the first one to speak up in a joke.

   "Hi." He puts his fingers on his chin, "So quick question. Why is he up here" he points his finger up in front of his face, "and not down there?" He slows his speaking and points his finger down. Is he mad at me?

   Before I could defend myself Sapnap started "Well ya know since he helped me I thought it would-"

   "Wait. Helped you? What do you mean helped you?" He's using an awful lot of hand gestures to interpret his confusion.

   "Well I could've done all of it by myself, but who knows how long that would've took plus he wanted to help-" Sapnap was almost done with his sentence, but Dream was so lost he just had to interrupt.

"Wanted?" He's starting to shout. I nod at him. "Why?"

"I felt bad. I owed it to you. I just have been thinking quite a lot and I do want to help you Dream. I want to help both of you." I thought about leaving the last part out but I did this with Sap. I don't feel the same way towards him I feel with Dream. Wait. How do I feel towards Dream and why does it feel more intense. I shake this thought from my head.

"Thank you?" He's still suspicious of me.

"You have every right to not believe me, and more, but I mean it. I didn't yell when I heard the cop, and I didn't do anything when we-" It just now hit me. I helped killed someone. Someone who deserved it more than me, but someone who could change just like Dream. My loss of words also puts Sapnap on edge and he stands up and keeps his eyes on me. Why'd I do that? Why'd I hurt someone just to protect someone worse? What is wrong with me? What makes me truly happy?

"Yeah. I know you've given him plenty of chance, but he really proved himself today. I wish you were here to see it so you didn't have to lock him in the basement again. I'm going to head out, but if you need anything I'm only a call away." I heard all of this but I just stared at the ground. He didn't say bye or anything so I still decided not to speak.

I've already been through this. The me or Dream? I chose me. I chose what I wanted. I choose me. So why am I conflicted? I don't want to admit it to myself, but I have to. Dream is part of me. Just being around him for these short couple of days has changed me. The only way I can choose myself is if I choose him too. I can only be happy for me if he's with me. It's a lot to take in and I continue my gaze to the ground.

The cushion next to me sinks. There's only 1 person it could be. I've just admitted all of this to myself. There's 1. No way I could admit it to him and 2. No way I can look at him and not blush right now. Now all of my thoughts are on him. I need to think of something else. Cats? Robert is a very-

"I know it sounds like I didn't mean it a minute ago, but thank you for getting me out of that situation." Shit. What am I supposed to say to him now.

"Well I didn't do it alone." I look to my right where air accompanies me instead of him.

"Sapnap knows I appreciate him. I told him thank you as well. Him and I have been through a lot together. He's like my brother. I don't know where I'd be without him. Probably in hand cuffs still." I can tell he's fidgeting. It's awkward. Why can't I just look at him. I'm starting to close in on myself and resume my gaze lower.

"Are you okay?" I ask as I sit with my hands intertwined in my lap. My fingers pushing on each other. My shoulders are risen. I'm so tense. I feel like I'm going to mess something up again.

"Yeah. Are you?" I feel him scoot closer to me. He's probably trying to comfort me, but it's made me more anxious.

I nod ferociously. My eyes are screwed shut and I don't dare move. I can't mess up again. I can't hurt him again. I feel an arm go around my back and I shiver. I push my hands against each other harder just wanting to feel the friction. This action is cut off by 2 large hands pulling them apart with no force. I would give in to any way he touched and pulled me. With one arm around me his head is right by my ear. I hear him breathe deeply and unintentionally I breathe with him. I lean my head back to hear his breaths more. My shoulders slowly relax and I'm just sitting their in my murderers embrace. It's calm and relaxing.

"Now I believe you." He whispers breaking the silence.

"How did you do this to me?" I whisper back. My head is on his chest at a hard left. I can feel his eyelashes flutter open on my forehead.

"I just did what felt right. I hope you do the same." So I do what feels right. I open my eyes and make eye contact with him.

I notice a small freckle under his right eye. It fits him perfectly. His eyelids cover his eyes perfectly as he looks down on me. The yellowish color is an explosion around a black hole. They're inescapable. He has long eyelashes that contrast his eyes. I get so lost in thought admiring him that it's only when we hear 3 rushed doorbell rings we both snap out of our trance.