Limitations in Observations / Dreamnotfound

The First That Matters

   "I'm assuming you don't want to sleep in the basement?" Dream pulls away slightly.

   "God no." With that he takes my hand and we go to his room.

   It's exactly as I remember it. Except when I look at his desk the picture nor the frame are longer there. As I take in his room all over again he throws an oversized sleep shirt at me. I start to head to the bathroom to change in there, but Dream took his shirt off right there. Let me just say wow. When I got caught staring I took my shirt off that smelled rancid with dried sweat and dried blood that I didn't notice. Dream rolled his eyes and continued to undress to his boxers. I put the big shirt on and undid my pants as well. Dream was already laying down on his side of the bed. I crawl into mine and face the same as I did the only other night. I close my eyes but before drifting into sleep I feel two long strong arms grab my waist and pull me closer to the warm body. Shouldn't I hate this? At first I kind of welcomed the embrace, but now that I'm thinking about it I want to scoot away. I don't want to sound cliché, but I feel as if we have moved to fast. As if I have moved to fast. I don't even think it's been a week since I was kidnapped and threatened to be murdered. Instead of snuggling into him I turn around. My eyes have adjusted to the darkness but I see his eyes looking at my face. He leans over and turns a lamp on on his night stand.

   "You okay?" Hes lying on his back now and looking at me.

   "No. I'm conflicted." I hide the lower half of my face under the blanket.

   "Why?" His eye contact is making me nervous.

   "I shouldn't be this comfortable with you. I shouldn't have done" my voice starts breaking, "things I did. You should kill m-"

   "Stop. Why do you feel as if you shouldn't be this comfortable with me?" He turns on his side to face me. I think he tried to look comforting, but it just made the shadows from the light make him look threatening.

   "Because you kidnapped me, and had the intent you were going to-" I've slammed my eyes shut.

   "I don't have that intent anymore. I did do that. I'm sorry, but you are in control of how you feel about that now. If I could change how we met I would. Okay?" I nod. He is not making me feel better. "Do you regret what you did today?" His voice sounds intimidating with this question.

   "Yes." Me saying this gave Dream some sort of reaction, but I continued, "I don't know why I felt so strongly to protect you. I just had to. I did anything I could to do so. I shouldn't have. I helped" loud gasp keep breaking my sentence and Dream's eyebrows furrow and now he looks more sympathetic, "kill someone to help you. You probably would've been fine, but that man should have been judged by someone else. Not us." I finish curling in on myself.

   I feel him hug me and again my first reaction is to sink into it, but it's not right. I push at his bare chest. When I look up at him he seems hurt.

   "But at the same time." My breaths slow down. "I want to do it all over again. Not just to help you, but to be with you." I continue to gasp. My shame rises.

   "You just pushed me away?" I feel awful for confusing him.

   "That's why I'm conflicted." I uncurl out of myself and scoot closer to Dream who is lying down facing me, "I like you Dream. I like you a lot, but the things you do. The things you make me want to do. They ruin me." Me and Dreams face are inches away.

   "What's wrong with being ruined?" He placed his hand on my chin and as I look in his eyes he looks at my lips.

   "It's hard to deal with." I stopped crying, but I'm still breathless.

   "You're strong. You know you can get through this right?" He finishes his sentence by remaking the eye contact.

   "Yes." My hand finds Dreams cheek.

   "Then let me ruin you." Finally our lips smash together. I'm not sure who it was who closed the distance, but it was passionate.

   My hands track up his hair and he tilts his head to deepen our connection. In the moment I gasp and Dream seizes the opportunity to go farther. He grabs my leg and pulls me on top of him. I have him in a straddle as he holds onto the back of my knees. Sometimes his hands drift upwards. When they do he tries to pull me down onto him and I let him. I want it too. I want him. Sometimes when he pulls he bucks.

   It's unimaginable what I'm feeling with him. I have to touch his hair and his cheeks anything to feel as if I have more control. I like feeling as if I have the control, but I have none. Not because he controls me, but because he is my lack of control. I touch him and any thought or doubt I had before is gone. My only thought while with him is more. More touch. More friction. More love.

   When the kiss started and it was just our lips it felt as electricity was pulsed through a single wire. I felt connected and powerful with him. Then when it went further I felt as if we were electricity as if anything were to touch us it would shock. It would kill.

   It's when I'm with him or thinking about him I feel as if I could kill. As if it was easy.

   All of me liked this. I felt so loss, so even I was shocked when I got up off of him and just sat in the corner with my head in my hands running my fingers through my hair.