The Melody of Pip Winter

19: The Well-Tempered Clavier

Shame didn't kick in for a while.
Even the stories that soaked the air and the ink that stained existence wasn't enough to distract Pip from the rebellion he had given into. This was not a moral thing to be doing; sitting at an oak desk with a boy who draws better worlds and soils his lungs with tobacco. This was a very stupid situation Pip had gotten himself into. What were they learning at school that day? What punishment would be waiting for him? The dreaded questions were endless, he should feel worse than this. He shouldn't even slightly be enjoying this.

"Don't worry, fish." Leo spoke all too gracefully.

Pip couldn't help but wonder what chords his song would be played in, what melody the words would absorb, if his song happened to have lyrics. Despite the scale of syllables Pip did worry.

"I still have a question." Pip uttered.

Minor keys trickled in Leo's eyes for a moment before he was back to his beaming self in a split second. Pip's hand felt bare but he tried to ignore this factor.

"Go ahead." Leo spoke neutrally.

Pip's eyes glanced over the entirety of the library. Eventually he had to look back towards Leo, he couldn't pry his gaze off the boy for too long.

"Annie said Murphy found you, I guess I want to know what that means, if that's alright?" Pip said quickly before he could chicken out.

The words had left scorch marks in his throat and the burn still tangled his insides. Leo did not move and his expression did not change. Fear clung to the hairs on Pip's skin and earthquakes started to spill from his fingers.

"Murphy found me in some alley the circumstances not all that great and he took me in." Leo fidgeted with his fingers.

Pip desperately wanted to ravel his fingers around the boys in hope of easing him but of course he did not do that. Instead, Pip hugged him with a warm glance.

"I want to tell you the whole story just not yet, just like your stuff." Leo smiled.

The sun shone in Pip's chest, the rays didn't burn but instead warmed every fibre of him. He didn't feel so guilty in that moment but maybe he should have.

"Would you want to hear it, my stuff?" Pip asked, his voice hushed to test if Leo could hear him, to hope that he didn't hear him.

Leo's soft features shifted closer.

"I want to hear whatever you want to tell me." Leo smiled, a real beautiful smile.

Cities of water eased from their violent and destructive forces. Pip was eased and that was enough to make his lips sew a smile. Flaming coals were removed from his chest the only pain that lingered was the truth that he kept in memories instead of words. The truth he thought.

"I think I do." Pip whispered, looking to his fingers.

He heard Leo shuffle.

"What do you mean?" Leo asked softly.

Fire did not burn, wounds didn't bleed, not inside Pip. He was filled with a dull ache but for the first time it felt like it might heal.

"I want to tell you, I want to tell you everything." He finally lifted his head.

Leo coiled his fingers around Pip's long and calloused ones. The action filled Pip's lungs with too much air and tousled his skin with surges of ecstasy. The high only lasted a moment before he felt the low. It wasn't a dread it was nerves, the type of nerves which told him he was doing the right thing. It was selfish to let Leo support him when he didn't know how terrible Pip truly was.

"I don't think you'll want to see me after this." Pip choked.

Leo did not smile, his eyes clouded with a strange haze.

"Seems unlikely." The boy said, his voice tinged with a rough agony.

Pip shook his head in dismissal. Part of him hoped Leo wouldn't leave after the truth came out but maybe it would be for the best. Some mistakes were forgivable some were a point of no return.

"Pip I promise I'm not going anywhere." Leo squeezed his hand.

His hand warmed and Pip hoped the explosion in his mind wasn't leaking through his skin. Pip didn't want this to end. He didn't want the conversations that distracted him from his thoughts or the warmth that held him every time they were together to disappear. He wanted every memory to remain a reality instead of it to bleed into his mind as just another dream he wasn't fast enough to catch. Pip knew to break this bliss before he could act so selfishly.

"I won't hold you to that." Pip told the boy.

Colour sprouted on Leo's cheeks and Pip wanted to stare forever but that would be insane wouldn't it. Instead of admiring the boy like he wanted to he would destroy everything that made him hope.

"I killed my dad."