Trials and Consequences of Love

Chapter 7

Hasley- More (Strictly for Emily's POV and I recommend that you listen to it -it'll be emotionally provoking, I think).

"I hate you for what you did, I hate you for being able to live, I hate you for not caring, I hate you for being you. I hate you for taking the thing I treasured most from me, I hate everything about you; I honestly just hate you" – "I Hate You" Tiona Harris.

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🦋Valentina-Rosa🦋

It's Thursday again already; it's funny how time flies. The wind has been picking up lately maybe we'll finally get some rain.

"Thank you" I smile at the guy holding the door open for me; my black heeled ankle boots click against the green and white linoleum floor as I walk into the little pizza shop. I scan the pastel green wrought iron chairs and white marble tables for Emily. It doesn't take long for me to spot her waving at me from a table for two at the very end of the room. I walk towards the table that sits against a crocodile green wall displaying the steps in making pizza, "In Pizza We Crust!" written in bold at the top of the wall.

"Mama if you wanted us to wear matching outfits you could've just said that" I smile at her when I get to the table; pointing to my white long sleeve top tucked into my thigh-length black and white checkered skirt, a small split on the left side. She stands to greet me showcasing her thigh-length long sleeve black and white overall dress a small split on the left side.

"I just grabbed the simplest thing I could find in my closet" she smiles hugging me lightly.

A waitress comes by to take our order and Emily looks from the menu to me "Give us a couple more moments to decide?" I smile at the waitress and she nods walking away.

"He does it to you too doesn't he?" I ask her softly.

"Does what?" she asks confusion written all over her face.

"Order for you, try to control everything that you do?" I ask her, flipping the pastel green menu over.

There's so much green in this place it's going to drive me crazy.

Honestly.

"He does," she says her voice low.

"It's overwhelming, isn't it? So much so that even when you're not around him you feel as if he'll reprimand you for making a bad decision or a decision, he simply isn't fond of whether it be good or bad" I ask playing with the end of my skirt.

She only nods in agreement probably too afraid to say anything "It's okay, I've been there so I understand but you have to remember that you come first, always and you should do whatever you want especially when he's not around" I smile at her softly.

"I don't know what rules he sets out for you but if he knew I was here buying pizza, he'd probably throw me and the pizza across the room; but I don't care about all that anymore I only have one life to live. I can't continue to be his pawn forever" I tell her and she smiles lightly.

Every word I said to her is true, these past few weeks made me realize that love is a real thing and what Carson and I have going on couldn't be further away from it. Carson is toxic and dealing with his toxicity for all these years has turned me into a person that, no matter how hard I try, I cannot be proud of and in no way is that good for me. I'll be graduating in less than a year, I'll be 23 before the end of the year. My life is about to begin and so I need to rid myself of Carson if I want to be free to live peacefully and happily.

I need to find who I am now and I need to work on that version of myself. I'm tired of keeping secrets from my friends and I'm tired of being strong, I want to break down and cry about this situation even if it's just once. I want to be able to be there for me, I want to be able to look at myself and appreciate my existence, I'm tired of feeling useless, I'm tired of feeling like I am worth nothing. I wasted the best of my years, the best of myself on Carson, I wasted who I was and who I am on him, and the person that I am about to become wants nothing to do with him.