Trials and Consequences of Love

Chapter 21

Vanish – Giveon.

"Saying things I don't mean, to the one that means the world to me, you see what I mean? Saying things I don't mean. Girl, you mean the world to me, yes, you do. I know, I'm sorry; I can be a hypocrite. I got stuff to work on, you got stuff to work on; but, we're gonna make it work. I love you." – "Vanish" Giveon

Btw, this is just a filler but it's an important one.

There's also a little time-lapse in this chapter nothing big though just like two weeks (or however long exams last for you) and the two events that take place in this chapter are unrelated but I didn't see the sense in wasting two chapters on two fillers -of the same nature- that I could've just combined.

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✨Kyle✨

"Kyle Andrés Hernández put the bottle down and go to bed"

Alia's voice rings through my head as I stumble into bed; there's no point trying to fall asleep now, we have to be up in two hours to go to our exams but I just need to be by her side for as long as I can. It's five in the morning and I haven't slept a wink. Insomnia has long been a problem for me, the only way for me to get a decent amount of sleep is for me to get so drunk or high I have no choice but to pass out; but Alia doesn't like it when I drink and I don't smoke anymore so I just walk around feeling like a zombie most of the time.

Alia is the best thing that has happened to me in years; she's too good for me if you ask me. I'll never be able to understand why she puts up with me; my own parents didn't want me why should she?

She's selfless and she keeps me in check and Lord knows I'd be lying if I didn't say she's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. We're not explicitly together and I've never been this happy about anything in my entire life, she deserves more than I can ever give to her and as selfish as I am, I know that I need to let her go.

I want her to be happy and I know she's miserable with me; of course, if I ask her, she'll say she's as happy as she has ever been but I know her and I know that, that would have been a lie. Love should never be an excuse for unhappiness and I've been stringing her along for more than a year, knowing that I have no intentions of changing.

The meaning of love is everchanging, but as sure as I am that love does not mean not having to say you're sorry; I am sure that love does not mean sacrificing your sanity just to keep another happy.

Alia is fierce and she wears her heart on her sleeve; she's not quiet about what she loves and she's passionate about love. She loves first and asks questions later; she never judges and no matter who you are she is going to make sure that you're okay. She puts everyone else before her and she often forgets to take the time to take care of herself but she never misses the opportunity to take care of someone else. I don't know what it does for her but it seems to make her happy and frankly her happiness is the only thing that matters.

She deserves someone that can do for her what she does for others; she deserves to be loved; she deserves to be treasured. She deserves all the happiness that the world has to offer and I can't give that to her. I don't know how to take care of her; hell, I don't even know how to take care of myself. She needs somebody that can make her feel right -emotionally- after a long day but I always seem to add to her stress. I can't be there for her in ways that she needs me, only in the ways that she wants me and I don't know if that's enough for her but I know it shouldn't be.

Her being with me should be embarrassing for her, she can do so much better yet she's here in my bed trying to love me. I hate that she's stuck on me, I hate that she refuses to go; it's like the more I mess up the more she wants to be around me. She seems to be blinded by me and I don't think I'm okay with that; I need her to see that she can do so much better than a person like me.