Black Pearl

Chapter 27

Seeing my sisters in their new gowns, fighting over limited pairs of shoes, knowing that they couldn't even imagine the flavor of sweet rolls, I knew what I had to do. But knowing what needed to be done didn't mean that it alleviated the sick, sinking feeling in my stomach that arrived as we departed the island. 

Leo must have sensed this or was still recovering from my spat last night because he gave me all the space I needed as we journeyed back home.

I spent many of the days leading up to my wedding locked away in my room. This time it was self-imposed.

Just the day before a ship was scheduled to return to my island to pick up a small group for the wedding, Leo barged into my bedroom. He had visited me a couple of times since I had returned, always asking if I wanted to go on some kind of adventure. I waved him off each time. Sometimes Jacob came instead, but he always dragged a blushing Maisy away the moment I declined.

Today was different.

"Oh, I'm alright," I assured with a small smile when Leo told me his usual offer.

"No, you're coming with me. We are going for a walk, no refusals," he insisted.

"Can't you wait until after we are married to order me about? And before I know it, a ship is going to be retuning with five of my sisters. Can't I have one more day of peace, please?"

"You've done nothing but lay around your room since you returned. A walk in the sunlight will not kill you. Besides, I need your input on some things."

I rolled my eyes but set aside the book I had been reading- there were too many big words I didn't understand anyway. I would get to stretch my legs a little bit, point to the flowers that I wanted or stand still while someone poked pins into fabric. Then I would be returned to my room, where I would think endlessly about my impending doom. Leo would be appeased and I would be allowed to spiral in peace.

I didn't humor Leo with pretending to be curious about where we were going. I clasped my hands together behind my back, kept a perfect posture and strode beside him silently. He didn't seem too bothered by this and only spoke after he opened an ornate door in a secluded hallway, leading to a room filled with books.

"I was picking out books for your sisters since you said they have been taught how to read, but I wasn't sure what would appeal to them," he explained. 

I was still struggling to pick my jaw up as we walked into the room. How was it possible that there were this many books in one home, for one family? Surely, there were enough books in here for every family in the city to take a dozen. I thought of all the nights that me and my sisters spent staring at the moon, hoping and praying for something, anything to do. We wanted so badly to know a world bigger than ours.

"So I have selected a couple of books about plant sciences. I want them to be able to eat something other than that wretched seaweed. I thought about giving them history books because I always liked them, but I'm not sure they will care for them. Do you have any suggestions?"

The damn ink spread through me, thick and consuming. I turned up my nose slightly and sniffed. "You know, there are things those girls need more than novels. I'm sure it's a kind gesture, but the reality is that-"

"I know, I know. We only have a couple days until the wedding, but I saw how they lived and-"

"It wasn't up to your standards?" I challenged. "I know that we live differently, but we have survived amazingly well considering we fled."

Leo should have crumpled under my venom. Or he should have behaved like a typical human man and threatened to punish me for speaking out of turn. But he just sighed and ran a hand through his blond hair. Somehow that was worse than either. 

"Ember, this isn't coming from a malicious place. Just because your kind has managed this long with so little doesn't mean they need to continue on like this."

"Your kind is the reason for this," I accused.

I wanted to be grateful, I really did. I thought about the roles being reversed and River declining to help the rest of us, even when there was more than enough to go around. I would hate her. I would want to yank on her hair and scream in her face because we were suffering. And I loved giving my sisters the dresses and shoes, loved listening to them all shriek and rejoice.

But I wanted to be the one to give it. I wanted to be the someone who brought them all of the wonders of the world. I wanted to be the someone to save them.

Or maybe I just wanted to be someone. I just wanted to be more than the powerless siren. More than the girl who froze when faced with bandits. I wanted someone to look forward to seeing me, even if it was only because I brought them unattainable gifts.

"I would really love to understand your thoughts right now," Leo sighed. "But if you don't want to take them anything, then we won't. It's your decision."

Part of me wanted to stick to my stubbornness. Another part of me shattered, thinking about being hungry, cold, and wet. 

"No, please, I'm sorry," I sputtered. "Fairytales, my sisters and I loved them. Well, it's all we really had, but they are faded and damaged now. And the ones that are in good condition have been memorized, I'm sure."

"Alright, we can work with that," he said. There wasn't the usually carelessness in his voice, but at least he wasn't denying me. "I'll add Robin Hood, Cendrillon, and I think La Belle et al Bete has been translated too."

"Could we maybe put some dresses on the ship as well," I added softly. "And shoes, they are in desperate need of shoes."

"I know, I'm already having dresses made," he replied. "I also had Maisy buy some shoes. My men are in town getting some supplies that will help keep the structure of the castle in place until we can return and give it the help it needs." He took a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck. "Listen, I know we started off badly. I wasn't good to you and that's entirely my fault. But you're going to be my wife. We are going to make it through this life together."

I opened my mouth to say something. I wasn't sure exactly what. Maybe I would tell him that I heard him talking about me like I was a brood mare in the stables, waiting to be bred. Maybe I would tell him that humans terrified me, that being tied to this awful race made me sick. Or maybe I would finally break and admit that I liked having him by my side, that I was grateful for all of his gifts, for scooping me out of the mud and keeping me safe.

It all seemed like too much and too little. 

I clamped my mouth shut and spun on my heel. I was out of the book room before he could say another word.

~~~Question of the Day~~~

If you could go back in time and talk to yourself, what advice would you give?