Black Pearl

Chapter 39

In the morning, I couldn't help but try to gauge each one of Leo's reactions and responses. Had I accidentally woken him up and not known it? Would he be angry, disgusted? I watched him from across the small fire as we cooked breakfast, Archer's men chatting about what they planned on doing with their day. Leo was smiling and laughing and eating as if everything was just as it had been yesterday. Surely, he would have had some kind of reaction if he had woken up, right?

When the concern ebbed away, I was left with a little bit of confusion. I didn't fully understand what had happened to my body. It hadn't felt like a choice after a few moments, more of a need. My body craved release, a feeling I experienced few and far between while living on the island and it had never been so desperate. Was my pleasure tied to Leo? Was that why it had been so intense? Could this pleasure be untied or was it permanent?

"Come on, I have a few things I want to show you today," Leo murmured, materializing beside me, his hand extended to help me off the log.

We started gradually, as if he were giving me time to wake up fully and digest the bacon and biscuits. It was all gentle hand to hand, mostly Leo showing me how to move out of holds like bear hugs from behind. And when his arms were wrapped around me, my breath would catch in my throat and I would think about last night, shuddering and shaking in his arms. 

"Are you okay?" he whispered into my hair, sensing my tension.

"Yes," I choked out. "It's not from fear."

I felt like I gave away nothing, only wanting to comfort him. And to continue. I would be willing to do almost anything as long as it meant that his arms would stay around me.

But, as if he knew what had happened last night, Leo let out a low noise in my ear. His arms tightened around me, then released me immediately when he noticed what he had done.

"Maybe we should do some work with swords. Add a little distance," he suggested and when I turned to face him I saw just how red his face was.

Horror and embarrassment was like a punch to the gut, so instant it was almost debilitating. The only thing I could think to do in that moment was apologize.

"You don't have to be sorry," he chuckled, but it sounded breathy and uneven. "I have survived worse. But we should probably restrain ourselves until we are able to have a conversation. For now, I have a two handed sword that I think you should try."

Maybe I should have forced the conversation to happen then, but I didn't have the strength. Pretending like nothing happened had been so much easier. 

The rest of the afternoon was spent learning how to handle a behemoth made of metal and ivory that required both hands and a stable core. When I swung it improperly, it was heavy enough to unbalance me and send me stumbling. Leo expertly demonstrated how to use it, showing me how to rest it over my shoulder, how to draw it out, and the most effective ways to wield it, but my attempts were feeble at best. Every time I criticized myself Leo grinned and told me how wonderful I was doing, but how could I be doing good if he blocked every thrust and swung with little bumps from his blade?

While I was sweating and panting, he was as fresh as he had been when he woke up.

"Take a break, read your lock picking book and I'll spar with James for a while," Leo suggested, taking the heavy sword from my shaking hands. "When I'm done, we can go riding. Pirate needs to stretch his legs."

I didn't have to be told twice. I scurried back to camp while James tossed Leo a much smaller lighter sword and the two of them got into it. Willow caught me before I could get very far and dragged me over to a small berry bush growing on the side of the steep cliffs that eventually gave way to the beach that we camped on. I kept one eye on the men but was pleased for find out that this berry bush was extremely hardy and easy to plant. Though it wasn't pretty to look at, it provided a fair amount of fruit and could grow into a large bramble.

Our mouths were stained purple by the time we ambled back towards the fire. James and Leo disengaged shortly after, putting their weapons aside and coming to join the rest of us lazing around, allowing the sun to warm our skin and the wind to graze our cheeks. 

"I don't know what you did to him, but next time don't let him take his frustrations out on me," James teased as the pair neared.

Leo stumbled a step, the laughter that filled the air suddenly dying. Green eyes flashed to me, wide and panicked.

And in that moment, I knew. I knew that this hadn't come from the tension in our morning session. I knew that he had woken up last night, he had felt me move, witnessed me shaking. 

I could have said something smart, something sassy to diffuse the situation as both Archer and Willow glanced at me. Willow seemed to be suppressing a grin while Archer only had a single eyebrow raised. But I just sat there, reddened over what everyone else thought and what I had actually subjected Leo to.

"Bold of you to speak to a future queen that way," Leo cut in, recovering faster than me. "While you recover from your humiliation, Ember and I are going to take the horses out."

I scrambled to his side, hoping that I could get away from the suddenly curious eyes. And once I was with him, his hand settled against the small of my back, I began panicking for an all new reason. Should I apologize to him? Should I try and explain myself? My god, I wasn't even sure that I could explain myself. I barely understood what happened. 

"Leo-"

"We don't have to talk about it."

"I'm sorry." I didn't know what I was apologizing for, but I knew that I should. I felt like I had violated him somehow. It had been unfair, I should have asked, should have said something.

"Maybe I haven't made it clear, but I am willing to be put through any...tests of mental strength. If this is how we approach our issue, then so be it. I will survive it all, I'm sure. The same can't be said for James, though. If he makes another comment like that, our battles will no longer be in good will."

I wanted to discuss it more. I wanted to tell him that it had been wonderful and wrong all at once. I even longed for my sisters in that moment. Sure, it would still be embarrassing to admit what I had done, but I wanted to cover my face and giggle with girls who were just as lost and as confused in this big world as I was. 

"So we are okay?" I whispered while watching Leo tighten up the girth.

"We are more than okay. I know that you are afraid, but knowing that I am not the issue is comforting in itself. And I will never, ever complain about having my wife up against me like that." He paused long enough to shoot me a grin, but I wasn't oblivious to the way his eyes got snagged on my mouth then dripped down to my breasts. He quickly turned back to the horse. "I would be lying if I said I didn't need a distraction though."

~~~Question of the Day~~~

What made you choose your job or education?