Hey man how are you ?
I'm here to (try to)help you to survive as an transgender male in our society . How to choose a name, how to deal with dysphoria ... Yeah , we are gonna have fun !
At your service !
I just had a talk with my parents. Again, yes. But like, this time, they listened.
WARNING: contains some of my ideous drawing because I was stressed and that's how I deal with stress. (And I'm still evacuating all of this so this text won't be coherent)
You may think I was brave and all, because I'm 17 now, and I'm so confident and everything... Well, not exactly ? I was so fcking stressed... At the point where I decided to copy an entiere manga. Normally, I'll draw some characters, or so... NO, A LITTERAL BOOK HERE.
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(Enjoy this atrocity. I did it like an ass, didn't even make a draft..)
Finally, the moment came. We got in the car, and my dad started driving as I was awkardly staring at the window. They asked me "what did you wanted to talk about?" And I was just like : "ignore they talked, you are alone in the desert..." I remained mute for what, TWENTY DAMN MINUTES... And finally, I said "I wanted to talk about gender".
Seems a little bit wacky. But in my family, when I say that, they know what I mean. It's like "ho yeah, that old stuff." Out of the blue, I told them I wanted to see a specialised psychiatrist (that can lead me to hormones). When they asked if I had done reaserch about that, I pulled out of my pocket two adresses and numbers of specialised gender psy.
They told me they aren't against it, that they just don't understand. We talked for one hour about gender and everything. My father was relived I had no plan of surgery. I guess I don't really need it. I mean, I have bottom dysphoria, but I can endure it if the rest change for the better. And since I'm not even an A cup (like, my chest), testosterone will simply make it disappear. But my father now think that and I quote : "With testosterone, you'll erase most of your feminine characteristics, such as periods and chest, but you aren't interested in gaining that much masculine characterisics, put apart three hairs on your chin (and a low voice added my mom), so your goal is to become an androgyne. ?" Meanwhile I was like:
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I think they are supportive, because they are not against it. They are just misinformed and worried, wich I can understand. They said they are okay with me taking hormones, but they are scared that I am taking the wrong decision. They search a way to explain why I became like that, and feel like they failed as parents. But as my father said "We loved you since the first time we saw you, and as long as you are happy, we're happy."
We talked about my name. My father told me he vetoed the name "Raoul", and I did too. (sorry for all the Raouls out there). I like the name Orion of course, and I'll tell them I had this idea, but I want to let them choose. Choosing my own feels kind of scary, I mean its for my whole life and all... And I want to feel like I stay their child.
They told me they'll call the two gender psychiatrist (don't know the exact name) tomorrow to set an appoitment, and then I can finally be on my way to get hormonal transition.
So yeah
I'm going to have an appointment for that
That can lead me to hormones
Hopefully not in three years
Well, that was the news of the day. Take care of you guys
(and don't worry, the next chapter will be actually useful, I just needed to vent this somewhere).
