Tips for trans guys

Detransition and how to know

Hello. Let's talk about detransition. [ Spoilers, I'm not talking about my detransition, because I'm not detransitionning in any way. Just felt like this was an important subject.]

So. I know this is a subject that is a little scary for some, particulary if you are doubting yourself and all. I just think this is necessary. Myself, I was very afraid when I saw detransition videos and articles, afraid I was doing an error and I would never be able to come back...

So, for the ones who don't know, what s detransition? Well, sometimes, people transition, socially and/or medically, because they think they are transgender. But these people then realize they are cisgender, and "reverse" their transition. 

First of all, this is important to know that it is okay; Detransition is okay. The important is to be who you are, and you should be authorized to do what makes you comfortable.

People detransition for a lot of reasons, and one of the reason I've seen the most was because of misoginy. Let's be real, society is a place that sucks for women: There is sexism, stereotypes (that are in fact also sexism), women are less payed than men in a lot of works, they are sexualized, infantilized... Well, society doesn't make you want to be a woman. I've watched some girls that detransitionned to hear their experiences: They weren't feeling okay about being women, they wee ashamed, some others were lesbians, ect...

An important reason for detransition is also transphobia. Transphobia from your family, the whole world that tells you being trans is bad. Some people because of that have to leave their house, quit their job... And are unable sometimes to continue paying HRT or future surgeries. Due to this transphobia, some people detranstion, because they can't face it all. Face all the rejection and difficulties that come with being transgender. To quote LyalLunaire (that corrected me on that, thanks a lot) :  "The main reason for detransitioning (In my memory it was about 97% of the people detransitioning, detransition going from 1 to 5 % of people who transitioned) is transphobia. Imagine you are transitioning (it happens more often for transfem people bc they're more likely to be harassed) and because they are transphobic your parents stop giving you money which you need for college, so you put your transition on hold until you can be independant. Or you live in the US and you simply can't pay your Hrt".

(Thanks Lyall, hope it's okay quoting you (and I hope I did it good I'm bad with that)

I'll tell you something: If you realize you are not trans, don't force yourself to "stay" because that's where you have a community and support. Don't be afraid to change back your pronoms, to let your hair grow again if that's what you want to. As much as you shouldn't force yourself to "stay cis" or ofrce bad pronoms on you. Detransition is okay, really.

Now, you probably are very afraid of it. I can understand, this is kind of scary. Questionning myself on wherever I was really trans or not until 3 a.m, only thinking about it... i think a lot of people can relate.

So, I made what I searched for a very long time. A sort of "quizz" to see if you are trans or most likely not. You know I don't have the answers. Nobody but you have them. This is just for you to see a little more clearly what's in your head.

1) Imagine you in 5 years. You are in the best house you could wish for. It can be the one you already live in, or any other. Visualize you doing something, like cooking or something. Do you see yourself? Then tell me: What gender were you? What did you looked like? 

So here, the thing is to see if you visualize yourself as a guy or not. Personnaly, I can't imagine myself in any other way (it was all blurry in my head before coming to a realization).( But if you see yourself as how you currently look, it can be explain by the fact you don't know how you could look like as a transitionned guy, or because you are to used to your present version.)

2) The famous question: There is a button, here, just in front of you. If you press this button, you'll transform in the male version of yourself, and this is the only thing that'll change. If your parents are asseholes, they'll stay asseholes, if you are unpopular, you'll stay impopular.. Basically, everything is exactly the same, at the exception that you have all the secondary and primary sex characteristics of a cis guy (low voice, flat chest, d*ck), and that everyone call you by he/him pronoms and your real name. If you press the button, you can never go back. Would you press this button? Or not?

3) If society was reversed, and that was not women who were (the most) sexualized, victims of hate crimes, rape, cliché and everything, but men, would you still identify as a guy? Imagine to yourself a society where in adds, you can see half naked men, in most movies, there is only one male character that just serves a love interest, a society where men have to perfume themself, be pretty, and everything. Would you still want to transition? To be recognized as a guy?

4) If that was AMAB (assignated male at birth) that carried the babies/could get pregnant and not AFAB (assignated female at birth), would you still identify as a guy? 

5) (For people that transitionned only to be straight because of internalized homophobia/or people that transitionned to be "gay" because of fetichism (this is in my opinion a very small percent of people, because like, being trans is not easy):  Once again, a button story. This time, there's two buttons:  The red button will, if you press it, transform you into a cis guy (so, like the first button, low voice, flat chest...). Nothing more will change, except that now, you'll be attracted to a different gender from the one (question for straight/gay (like, only attracted to one gender)) you were before. Guys that liked guys now love girls and guys that liked girls now love guys. The other button, the green one, will not change your appearance or anything. But if you press it, your sexuality will change. People liking girls now love guys and vice versa. So now tell me: Do you press the red button? The green button? Or neither of them? (you can't press the two, you smart kids).

6) You are given the possibility to shapshift (it's a very magic world okay): You can now change your body as you wish it to be, for anything: Do you change appearance often or do you keep the same? Most importantly, what gender to you change into? And if you alternates between severals genders, why and at when moments are you wich one?

7) Imagine that ONCE AGAIN you are able to change your primary and secondary sex characters (become a cis guy). I'll say this time it is due to eating cake, because there's already too many buttons: So, there's a little cake, a magical one of course. If you eat this cake, you'll become a cis guy (so like, yeah, your voice lower, flat chest..). Nothing else changes. And when I say nothing else, I say really nothing else: You are still obligated to shave your legs and all to be "politically correct", are still pressured to have a baby, to be with a man, to dress feminine. (But you are a cis guy). Then, if you turn your head, you'll see there also is a little beverage. If you drink it, you'll stay as you already are. But now, you are treated "like a guy" (like, stereotyped.) You are expected to be manly, to like girls, ect... What do you choose? (You can choose to not take any thing, but not the two things).

So yeah, that was my questions. I hope they are okay. If you can't figure out an answer, it is perfectly fine: Gender is hella confusing. Give yourself time, and be honest with yourself.  I say it a lot, but you don't have to do things to fit in a box, you have to do things that makes you comfortable and happy.

If you realize you are in fact, not trans, don't panic: I understand that it is scary, that you may feel like you don't know who you are anymore, you feel like you betrayed the trans community, ect... It's okay honey, just breathe, don't panic:  You did nothing wrong, and all is going to be perfectly fine. It is healthy to explore your gender and sexuality, and even if you realize you took a wrong way, it's okay: Now you know more about you, about what you like, who you are...

By the way, if someone is truggling with that, and feel like they are stuck pretending ot anything (I read for example the story of a girl who lived that, it seemed particulary horrible), I'm here if you need. I don't judge anyone, if you need to vent or simply hear the right pronoms.

That's all for today guys, take care of you.