Tips for trans guys

Guys, something is happening

So.

Yeah, not a tips again, it's just a thing, an important thing:

I came out to my mother (again), and this time, since it has been several years and all, she is encouraging me to come out to the whole family and start seing someone that can diagnostic me gender dysphoria and give me testosterone!!

Apparently, my parents told it to my little brother some months ago (without me knowing it) and he was just like "ok, I don't really care btw." (he doesn't care in a good way I love him so much).

For my father, it is gonna be more complicated, because my mother told me that he was in a really important denial and he is from "the old school", very closed minded... (Plus, my parents may divorce and my father said that if my mother asked for divorce he will kill himself so it is kind of complicated to come out again with all that shit)

BUT

I just have to talk to my dad. And if he say yes to see a specialist in all that gender stuff, I win. But now I am really scared, all my insecurities come back: I kind of had in mind I will have to wait so long before that, and finally, it is now!! The "am I really trans?!" keep coming back in my head just at the moment I can finally move...

I am scared to talk to my dad also. In fact, I am just scared to be near him. He really hurt/manipulate my mother you know, and I am not brave enough to talk back when he say anything at all.

But, things are changing: After our talk, I learned a lot of choose to my mother, and now, to avoid misgendering me but also to avoid to out me right now, she use gender neutral pronouns and word related. I feel really more comfortable about being around my family now I know they accept it. Well, most of them. But I'm kind of... embarassed?! I don't know, like, they know I'm a "guy in a girl's body" and it feel akward that they seems to know how I feel about it... It's not really clear, I know... 

And now more than ever I am like... What if I don't like the changes that testosterone offer ?! I mean, yeah, I totally want and I am sure of that at 1000% that I want a more masculine jawline, my body shape to be masculine, my voice to broke, my chest to be flat without a binder, pilosity and all but it is just fucking scary?!

BREF. All of that to say that... I will continue this book, but with all of that in my mind, there is two options:

Either I concentrate myself on the talk I have to have with my father (and after, all the other member of my family, ha ha ha, yay..)

Or I will be so stressed that I will do twelve chapter a day to keep my mind busy doing something.

Really, I don't know. What is sure is that I still have a loooooot of things to say ! Yay!

Well, the next chapter is going to be something useful, I promise. 

Take care of you guys!