Hey man how are you ?
I'm here to (try to)help you to survive as an transgender male in our society . How to choose a name, how to deal with dysphoria ... Yeah , we are gonna have fun !
At your service !
So, I already did a chapter about names, but it was, in fact, a list of name that I gave you. Here, I would like to give tips about how to chose a name.
I struggled to find a name for a very long time, in fact, years. I found it only recently, but you know, this is not a race!
The first thing is of course to take your time. Don't put pressure on yourself, stressed, it is more difficult to take desicion.
So
[ In this exemples, I am going to write the family name of the exemples, for you to situe them, but of course, here, the goal is to find a first name.]
1) How to find it? In fact here, I listed the way you can eventually find your name, I'm sure others exists, but here you got the one i know!
° Take it from a person you admire. It can be an astronaut, a singer, a painter... For example, Leonardo Dicaprio was given this name because of Leonardo Da Vinci. (well, he is not trans but you see). Just make sure this isn't a fleeting admiration. Imagine naming yourself after a person you may hate or not consider later!
exemples) Neil Armstrong (astronaut); Paul Cézanne (painter); William Shakespeare(playwright, poet);Elvis Presley (singer, actor); Gustave Courbet (painter).
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
you, struggling to find a name (also the painting "le désespéré" by Gustave Courbet") Sorry I really like this painting, had to put it somewhere.)
____________________
°Take it from a character. This character can be from a novel, a film, or whatever you want. Here again, make sure that this character is not just a thing you like temporaly. I mean, it can still work of course, but what it emphazise would not have sense anymore.
exemples) Arthur Dent (from the hitch hiker's guide to the galaxy written by Douglas Adams), Jack Skellington from the nigtmare before christmas by Tim Burton) (does it count? Just me wanting to be a skeletton?). Or more classic: Jean Valjean from les Misérables by Victor Hugo.
____________________
°Take it from a member of your family you love/loved. There may eventually be a person of your family that passed away (or not) and you like a lot, that helped you, and you admire. It can also work for second names. (That can be complicated in some family in fact, in mine, no man is really admirable, so, I decided that if I can when I'll change it that I'll keep my second name that is from my grand grand mother, even thought it's feminine)
exemples) I don't really know your family, but it can be your uncle, your grand father, a cousin...
____________________
°Baby names sites are your friends. In fact, by surfing on baby names sites, you can find names that you like, you can search in different category, like if you want a retro name, a short name... That can be pretty cool.
____________________
°Ask your parent(s)/tutor(s) how they would have named you if you have been assigned the right gender at birth. Usually, parents think about the name of their babie before even knowing their gender. This is quite often that they chosed a male name and a female name. You can so ask them what masculine name they were thinking about. Of course, it sometimes don't work. My parents said to me that they were sure I will be a girl, so they never thought about male name... But if you insist, maybe you'll realised they had ideas in fact, like my mother told me.
the Do and Don't
Don't force yourself to keep a name if you realise it finally don't fit. There's no obligation to keep the same name if you realise it isn't the one. In fact, you should be autorizhed to experiment. Personnaly, I went by a lot lot of names. (When I realised I was a guy, the first idea I had was Alexandre/Alexander. I called myself like that for a while, but then changed my mind, again, again and again. If no one call you the name you want to try, you can't really be sure.)
Do feel free to experiment, like I said above.
Do a list if you have many names idea and can't choose.
Don't let other people impose you a name. You can ask what they think, if they have ideas, but this is not their due to tell you what your fricking name is.
Do think about the future: Will that name fit when you will be 30, 50, 80 years old?
Do let yourself time. It is completely normal to not reconize yourself in a name you are not used to.
AN IMPORTANT THING: Chose a name you like, but not a name you love with all your heart. Why? Well, with time, the love for this name may vanish, and it will maybe not fit anymore. Of course, this is just a tips. You are free to do whatever you want, but it was just to remember that the attachment to a name can be temporary.
How to know if this is the good name?
Here are some way to tell if a name you like, and would appreciate as yours could really be yours.
° The Strabuck test: Okay, so, personnaly, I never tried that. Because I'm a crippling ball of anxiety and I don't want to go to a place full of people, and heard my name (even if it's actually really cool if it's my real name) be yelled. But I heard it so many times, I just couldn't not put it. Basically, for the ones who may not know it, Starbucks ask for your name to put it on your drink. Telling your name to someone and hear it may be a good way to see how you feel about it.
°In fact, just try be called like that: Try it! On real life with people you trust, on the internet if you can't afford friends (am I speaking for myself here? Maybe), everywhere!
° Write sentence about yourself mentionning that name. Like, if you choosed the name Logan, try to write at the 3rd personna, like : "Logan is a short guy, his dark hair are covering his green almond eyes..." I don't know, really just write about yourself with that name.
°sign with this name: Even if it's to delete it right after. Like, if you are at school and have to put your name on a copie, try putting this name, the name you think is your name. Well, of course if you are not out and don't feel to come out now, hide it, but I really find it is a great way to tell? It actually helped me a lot, so I put this tips here, yup.
°Present yourself as that name in face of a mirror: Yeah, I know, it's a little silly. But it could actually help you. Like : "Hey, I am [y/n]!". Saying it can also be a useful trick!
What to do if I can't find one/ stay on a name?
first, DON'T PANIC! It is totally okay! Finding your own name is kind of a big deal, and taking your time is perfectly fine. You are not the only one trying one million names, you are not the only one that is taking very long to decide!
Some people find it really quickly, and that's fine! Some have name that they "feel", some had an idea, some don't really care and just actually want a male name , and some are less fast, take more time: All of these experiences are perfectly okay! Everyone is different.
Maybe try to focus on names you like: Usually, names you like came back again and again during your research. Write them down, the one that won'tstop to keep coming back, and try to focus on these.
____________________
Well, I think that's all about how to chose your name!
Come on man, now go clear your mind from all those billion of baby names internet research and relax. You'll find, don't worry.
