"Be Still, Just for Me" {Bakugo x Reader}

An Empty Home

Songs for this chapter:
"Dancing with your Ghost" by Sasha Sloan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qzc_aX8c8g4

"Pink in the Night" by Mitski
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-B5yr2zyY0

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Empty. Air, void, nothing. Your body lurched forward on the couch when the sturdy warmth you desperately latched onto suddenly disappeared, but you caught yourself before you slipped off the cushion with a hollow gasp. Eyes wet and throat clenched as if caught in a noose, you looked around in anguish.

"Katsuki...?" But no one answered back. The man you were in love with, the man who you confessed to at the last possible moment was gone and was never going to return. "K-Katsuki...?" A plea unheard. Whatever forces, quirk or otherwise, brought him to you had finally turned their backs, leaving you cold and terribly alone.

You choked out a sob as you brought up a shaking hand to cover your mouth full of clattering teeth as an ache in your chest wound its way between your ribs and pulled, threatening to crack them like delicate glass. It hurt and you shut your eyes to the twisting agony as warm tears streamed down your face and under your clinging fingers. Barely able to breathe, you wailed through painful hiccups as the uncomfortable noise of a shredded heart filled your tiny apartment.

He was gone, well and truly gone. You'd selfishly prayed that the quirk didn't work, that you'd have just one more day together... but Kirishima's note had apparently been right down to the very minute. "P-please... please Katsuki, come b-back..." Just for a moment, just for you.

Minutes passed as you screwed your eyes shut and cried on the couch, heaving while burying your face in one of the pillows before you gasped and sat upright with a startling thought. You hopped off the couch in a rush, nearly tripping around the corner, before running into your room and sliding across the floor. You bent down and palmed around under your bed, searching, until your fingers trailed across fabric. The pillow slid as you yanked and stared down with wild and red-rimmed eyes.

The pillowcase was no longer white and blank, but was now adorned with the same image of Katsuki that you remembered from before he arrived. But this wasn't him, just an illustration, and now, staring down at it, you felt an uncomfortable rejection bubble up in the pit of your twisting stomach. His face was all wrong and he looked far too cartoonish compared to his real life counterpart. It was a sham, an imposter, a fake made by someone who didn't know him at all.

He was just a character, after all. A fantasy in this world you lived in... to everyone but you, and that knowledge weighed on you so heavily that invisible water bubbled up in your throat and choked out all the remaining air as you sat back on your feet and weakly pushed the pillow back under your bed. Looking at it now made you feel ill.

You could never tell anyone about who Katsuki really was because they'd never believe you. No one would be able to understand why you couldn't keep in contact with him or attempt a long distance relationship. Looking at merch, watching the anime, or reading the manga would never be the same if you could still stomach any of it at all. Your world had returned to how it was supposed to be: quirkless.

Wrapping your arms around yourself and biting your lip while salty tears slid into the corner of your mouth was about all you could manage in that moment. You'd been heartbroken before, had experienced the hurt of lost love... but this was different, a breakup forced upon both of you by an inevitable circumstance neither of you could prevent. You'd whispered that you loved him, words you memorized in a moment of isolation the day before while you watched a video explaining different ways to say "I love you" in Japanese. Katsuki... didn't say it back. It was stupid to wait until literally seconds before the clock ticked down, but you just didn't feel brave enough to admit it until there was no going back. Had he wanted to say it, but was ripped from your arms a second too soon? Or did he not feel the same or as strongly as you?