Obey

Chapter 5

June 14,2020

All my mornings are practically the same since we moved to Korea. My grandparents house is small and I share a room with my little brother. It has become a routine to get my brother ready each morning and it's my way of helping my mom. I am always up at 6am since most days practice starts at 8am. The days I don't have practice I am still up at that time. Jun Jun is my alarm and once 5:59am hits he is on my back shaking me to wake up. Jun Jun has always been a morning person which is very opposite to myself. I love my bed and my fluffy lavender comforter. I always wish I could have a few more minutes but with how busy I am it never happens. My grandparents are usually up at this time and my mom joins them most mornings. My grandma and mom always take care of breakfast while I keep Jun Jun entertained which its not hard at all. Jun Jun is a pretty calm child and he could play on the floor with his toys all day. My mom always says that she got lucky with Jun Jun and myself. I was also a quiet kid and I rarely cried.

Unfortunately my dad stopped joining us for breakfast weeks ago and I don't know when he will ever do it again. I know it upsets the rest of the family and breakfast has not been the same since this started happening. My grandpa really tries his best to connect with Jun and I and I think he feels guilty about his son not having the strength to be a father right now. I don't think its just my grandpa who feels like that. My grandma obsesses over our health and nutrition and is always trying to over feed us. But the funny thing is that, it's not just Jun and I but also my mom. Since the very beginning of my parents relationship my grandparents have loved my mom and have welcome her into their life as another daughter. My mom is from a small town and she moved to Seoul for art school. She had to leave her family behind and my grandparents knew this. I think thats one of the reasons they felt overprotective of her which my mom's parents always appreciated. I am lucky both sides of my family like each other and there is no issues between them. It makes family reunion the best part of the year.

This morning is no different to the many others. Today is Sunday which means I am free from practice and my plan is to spend most of the morning home with my family. This afternoon I have been invited to Ara's place to watch a BTS online concert. I was unsure if I should go but she insisted multiple times and I felt wrong saying no. I don't know how it will go if I see Jhope. Specially knowing that Ara is staying at their shared apartment and I could run into Jhope or any of the other members at any time. I don't think I am ready to meet any more after what happened. I am hoping to only stay for the live concert and get out of there before anyone comes home. I hope Ara doesn't take it personally and she understands that I am just shy and I don't know how to act in front of such important people.

But now is not the time to think about all this. Now is the time to play with my Jun Jun and enjoy being in my pjs and watching cartoons with my favorite 3 year old. My age and attitude outside of this house does not reflect who I really am. I am a full kid at heart and I refuse to grow up. My home is my safe place and Sundays are my days to be who I am and my parents and grandparents seem to understand. They know how responsible and hard working I am in my daily life and when I choose to act the same age as my brother they don't vet an eye. They treat me like I'm really 3 years old and spoils us rotten. Of course this only lasts one day out of the week and they all seem to enjoy it as much as I do. Obviously I don't go to the extreme. I still take care of my daily chores and I help in the house as much as I can but they know that TV time with Jun Jun is my time.

Jun is starting to talk a lot more now and watching any show with him is more entertaining than the show itself. He has a way of adding hilarious commentary to anything and I enjoy seeing his eyes light up every time he thinks of something to say. I made ourself a small snack after breakfast and Jun Jun and I take are usual seats on the floor in front of the TV to watch our favorite show.