Obey

Chapter 18

November 3, 2020

Hoseok's POV

Knowing I was going to see her today brought up a lot of unwanted memories. The last time I saw her I had her in my arms and I felt like a god. I enjoyed making her mine every time I wanted and watching her go crazy for me was the best moments of my life. I couldn't keep my hands away from her not even when we were at work. I have always controlled every single thing in my life. Even the smallest details, but being around her threw all that out the window. Having her close made it very difficult to control myself. Sometimes I questioned myself on what was happening to me but I couldn't come up with an answer. I just craved her body, her smell, her touch every time I would see her. So many times I tried to act like she didn't bother me and I knew it gave her mixed signals but I just didn't know what to do or how to handle that overwhelming feeling.

Unfortunately the last time we talked all that ended. She ended it. Every time I remember that call anger fills my blood. I didn't think we would last forever but I was hoping I could get my fill of her until it eventually had to end. I knew from the beginning she was not the girl for me. She is not fit for this life and I can't give her anything else. At this point of my career I cant just think about her. I have a lot of people counting on my decisions and I cant let them down. She wants a normal life and that would never be me. I see my hyungs and their girls and I know they try really hard to give them a life as normal as possible, but when you have to hide the family you are slowly building normal is not the right word. I could never ask her to hide for me. I could never ask her to stay for me. But knowing I would never have her again pissed me off. I was not mad at her even though I know thats how it looked. I was mad at myself for falling that hard over her knowing this shit would not last. Thats why when she called and told me we needed to break this up I didn't argue and barely spoke. I held my tongue in lieu of just screaming in to the phone "don't you fucking leave me".

Work has kept me busy with recording and writing and I haven't allowed myself to think about her. I blocked all feelings of desire for her. All this time it has worked but since Jimin gave me the news today I haven't been able to get her out of my mind. Instead of worrying about my big brother having surgery I thought about how good it would feel to kiss her again. I remembered her smell, the feel of her skin, the softness of her hair. I spent most of the day in a zombie state only replaying the same image in my mind again and again. How good she looked under me.

I was in the hospital with Yoongi and Ara since the very beginning. The hospital only allowed two people to stay with him before he headed to surgery and I volunteered to go with Ara. The other guys joined us as soon as Yoongi was out of surgery and their girls joined us. We were all worried but seeing him as soon as he came out was a big relief. Once we were in the room we were all able to relax. Less than 30 minutes after the guys arrived I heard the door open again and I instantly knew who it was. I was determined to not look up from my phone but something in me made me look up. Initially I was in shock of actually having her in front of me but after that passed I was able to really look at her. For some reason she looked smaller than the last time I saw her. On top of that she didn't seem to be herself. I tried to look back down at my phone and ignore her as much as possible but when Jimin pointed out that her face was bruised I felt my head jolt up. I scanned her face and as soon as I noticed the big bruise I almost punched the wall behind me. My hand took a life of its own and I tighten my grip on my innocent phone. In that moment I could have broken it in one move. All that anger intensified when Ara mentioned Kang's name. He had hit her accidentally with a ball and all I could think was, of course she had been with Kang. She probably sees him everyday and they spend all their time together. I wanted to get up and walk away but I couldn't. I had to stay and pretend I didn't care. I had to pretend that knowing she had been with Kang didn't bother me. That thinking she is his already didn't boil my blood.