Lights Will Guide You Home (Larry stylinson)

Chapter 20

Hello, you beautiful beautiful people. How are you all doing? I hope everyone's good and that life is treating you all well. I am sorry for not updating (if anyone cares?) But yeah, well, shit happens :/ I am not going to get into that now so yeah :) So, I wanted to write today. I just like NEEDED to. So enjoy? 

(Verse of the chapter- Arrogant boy, cause a scene like you're supposed to. They're better off without you. You're lucky if your memory remains.)

-Harry's POV- 

"You feel out of place because you do NOT belong here!"  The voice said and I couldn't help but agree.

I took no notice, whatsoever, of the conversations going on around me or rather I didn't want to? I had no interest in whatever they had to say. They weren't worth noticing, these money hungry  people. 

Niall's hand was in Liam's larger one and by the looks of it Niall was kind of squeezing Liam's hand or like holding on to it really tight. And Liam seemed to be enjoying it. Because behind hs serious 'work only' face he was trying to suppress a smile. Or may be I was just thinking too much. 

"Atleast someone loves Niall. Unlike you, Fag!"  What the actual fuck?

I chose to ignore it yet again because I simply didn't want them asking questions. 

We sat there for god knows how long becuase by the time we left, the boys who were usually their jolly selves after meetings, were cranky and hungry, in Niall's case.  As soon as we walked out of the the huge ass room we had the meeting in, Eleanor practically threw herself on Louis and claimed his lips. I was trying to get my mind to register the situation in front of me when Louis, just as enthusiastically, kissed back. It felt like the Earth had stopped revolving. It felt like the sun wasn't shining anymore. It felt like I was standing all alone in the middle of a thousand hurricanes. My legs refused to move. As much as I wanted to run away and hide myself forever, my legs had other ideas. I felt two arms on my shoulders and it felt like they were pushing me forward or like trying to get me to walk. It took all of my strength to turn around to see who it was. Zayn. Oh.  I let him push me and somehow my legs moved and in some three minutes we were in the car, where Paul was already waiting. I must have looked weird because at my sight Paul raised an eyebrow at Zayn who shrugged and shook his head in response. Paul opened the door for us and Zayn kind of helped me in.

Once we were seated he said, "I am so sorry you had to see that." I looked at him and worry dripped off of his face. "I dunno, Zayn. It wasn't your fault. Nevermind." I shrugged and turned around to look out the window. He must have sensed I didn't want to talk because he didn't say anything again. 

"He doesn't love you. AND OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE HOW HE KISSED HER?"  

"I fucking know, okay?" I hissed and Zayn turned out, "Sorry, did you say something?" he asked.

"Me? Nope." I dodged out. 

"They'll find out about me soon enough."

"YOU CAN'T HIDE ME FOR LONG, FAG!"  The voice continued to echo inside my head and I tried to ignore it. I failed. 

Just then Niall and Liam walked in. Niall was blushing furiously. oh god. Niall came and sat right in front of me. He looked at me sympathetically and patted my knee lightly before engaging himself in conversation with Liam. Liam wasn't even midly interested in Niall talking about football. He just stared at Niall with a goofy smile and inserted an occasional 'hmm' in between.  And then, much to my displeasure, Louis walked in with her strolling behind him, their hands laced. He took no notice of my existence and went to sit next to Liam. She sat beside him. He was still holding her hand so now it was in his lap and they were talking in hushed whispers. The car started moving and Paul asked, "Where to, lads?" And all of them simultaneously yelled back, "Burger King!". 

I turned away from them, placed my head on the window and closed my eyes, trying to block out everything. I was doing fine until like ten minutes later Eleanor's high pitched giggle forced me to crack open an eye and steal a glance. And that one glance fucked me up. Louis' hands were on both sides of her face, holding her tight. He was looking at her with so much love and adoration. And then he smiled before pressing his lips on hers. She smiled too. His left hand was now on her back, kind of pulling her closer. She tangled one of her hands in his hair and placed one on his shoulder. 

Why the fuck am I the only one noticing this? I looked around and everyone else had their eyes closed. 

I heard Louis whisper, "I love it when you smile." 

But I imagined my first kiss with him to go like that. Ofcourse that was way too unrealistic but seeing this shattered whatever remaining hopes I had of him ever being mine. 

"Stop fooling yourself, fag! He'll never love you. Nor will anyone else ever love you." Please stop!

"No. No! Look at him! Look at how much he loves her!" 

"He doesn't need you. The other boys don't need you either." PLEASE STOP!

"Oh no, fag, this is fun. You wait and watch." 

"He never even considered you a friend, yknow? You are way too pathetic to be anyone's friend really." 

"Whatever fun times you shared he was forcing himself. He never NEVER enjoyed it." 

"CAN YOU FUCK OFF?" I said out loud and my hand instanly went to cover my mouth, realizing how I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. 

"The fuck is your problem?" Louis asked angrily.

"I wasn'-" He cutted me off saying, "I don't want to hear it. Just, try not to interfere in my personal matters." He turned around then and went back to talking to her.

"I told you he hates you. Ha!"  The voice whispered in an evil tone. 

I couldn't believe it. Or him. How could he? Wasn't I, at the very least, supposed to be his best friend? Did we not share everything? Did we not tell the each other if to do it correctly if one of us was doing something wrong? Were not we best friends? Guess not. He hates me. He, the love of my fucking life, hates me. He HATES me. And goodness, hate is a strong word and he hates me. 

Because of the little furore Zayn had woken up and had scooted closer to me, which Louis had taken no notice of.  Zayn kind of squeezed my shoulder to try to comfort me, I guess. It didn't help. He then took out his phone, opened  'Notes' and wrote "I am so very sorry you have to go through all this. I wish I could help." I shook my head at him and whispered, "Not your fault, Z. Stop worrying!" He then typed, "I still am sorry though." And I nodded. And that was the end of our conversation, if you could call it that. Zayn squeezed my shoulder one last time before placing his headphones in his ears and closing his eyes. I turned to look out the window yet again. 

My arms itched. So did my thighs. And if you're wondering if I never let go of my habit, you're absolutely right. I didn't. I tried to cut it down a bit but never completely stopped. I pressed my thumb over one of my most recent cuts. I added pressure until I knew it was bleeding again. My arm was bandaged and I was wearing a full sleeved black shirt with a jacket over it so the bleeding being noticed was the least of my worries. The pain kind of got me through the car ride. 

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I will update soon. Promise. 

Enjoy! 

-MochaNutsLarry x