Immortal Love Book #2. Evil

27. "Not myself"

I woke up, sweaty and shaking beyond my control. For only one second, I thought maybe it had all been a nightmare, but looking around that gray room brought me back to reality. I felt different like something had happened to me, and soon after waking up, I remembered what. I had died, again, and it hadn't felt particularly pleasant. I wasn't dead though, was I? I looked at my hands and felt my body with them, hoping to find something different. The stab wound in my chest was gone, and there was nothing more than traces of dry blood on my skin. My clothes were clean, which meant somebody had changed them.

I took a deep breath and tried to think straight. How was I alive? I thought about it for a minute before a very dark thought came into my mind. Was I a vampire? The feeling of panic that thought brought with itself made my knees start shaking. I couldn't be a vampire, could I? No, it was impossible, right? The more I thought about it the more it made sense, the more fear I felt. I had never given much thought to becoming a vampire, but it certainly wasn't in my immediate plans. I had only thought about it once, the first time Dennis told me he loved me I briefly felt that if he ever asked me to turn into a vampire to be with him forever, I didn't think I could say no. But this wasn't that situation, I wasn't ready for this. As the fear started to slowly turn into a panic attack, the door opened. I sat up on the bed as I watched Dennis walk into the room. He was wearing clean clothes and he looked better than before. I smiled at him softly. He smiled back.

"You scared me." he admitted. I sighed.

"It wasn't really in my hands." I said. Dennis gave me a sad smile. 

"Stella Newman, you are invisible." he said smiling. I smiled back. The door closed behind him and he took a couple of steps towards my bed like he didn't want to get too close. I frowned.

"Am I a vampire?" I asked. I had to get that question answered, it was the only thing in my mind. Dennis shook his head.

"No." he said. I sighed in relief. "Right after you passed out they let me give you some of my blood to heal your wound. " he explained. I frowned once again.

"They let you?" I asked. Dennis took another step towards me.

"Yes, and if they hadn't, you would be a vampire because you had some of Alexander's blood in your system. " he said with a hint of sadness in his smile. It hurt him to imagine Alexander giving me his blood, and I understood why. Blood sharing was a very intimate thing, almost as intimate as you could get with a vampire, and now he wasn't the only one I had done it with. I didn't let the guilt overwhelm me. Dennis was here, in front of me, and I had to be thankful for that.

"I understand." I said. Dennis was so far away it was making me uneasy. Was he back to the phase where he thought he could snap and kill me at any point? I stood up, but Dennis took a step back.

"I have to tell you something." he said. I felt fear invade me again. I knew there had to be a catch. They wouldn't just leave us alone in a room without something horrible happening. I took a step closer to him and this time he didn't move, he just looked down, like he was ashamed of something. I almost didn't want to hear what he had to say. I wanted a few more seconds of ignorant bliss, was that too much to ask? "The reason they let me save your life is that I promised them something." he said. I swallowed nervously.

"What?" I asked as I took another step towards him. He looked conflicted, and he felt angry and disappointed in himself. After drinking his blood earlier our connexon had gotten a little bit stronger.

"I won't be myself anymore, for a while." he said cryptically. I frowned. What was he talking about?

"What do you mean?" I asked as I took a couple of more steps closer to him. We were now only a short distance apart, and the closer I got to him, the more anguish I could feel coming from him.

"I just want you to forgive me in advance for all the horrible things I might do." he said. I was getting more and more confused. I walked closer to him and I held his face with my hand, making him look at me. He sighed.

"Why would you do horrible things?" I asked. I wondered why he couldn't just say what he had promised them.

"I'll turn my emotions off." he said. I felt a little shocked at first, but then it made sense. If their plan was to make every vampire stop feeling, then Dennis was a great one to start with. "Vampires feel things a lot more intensely sometimes, and that's why we have the ability to stop feeling if we want to." he explained. I had learned that from Alexander, so he didn't know I already knew what it entailed. One of the things I loved most about Dennis was his humanity, his ability to love and be loved as if he were human, despite not being one, and I didn't want to lose it. But the thought of him dying caused much more pain than him not feeling anymore, so maybe it could be worse. "I won't be myself anymore." he said.

"But it's not permanent, right?" I asked. I let the hand that was holding his face fall to his shoulder.

"I've never done it before." he admitted. My eyes opened a little wider. Sometimes I forgot how new Dennis actually was to the vampire scenery compared to other vampires. "Alexander said it would be hard to get out of it, but that I could eventually." he said. I nodded. There was hope, not everything was lost.

"Well, we'll get through it." I said. Dennis looked down, and I noticed he didn't think we could get through it. "What is it?" I asked.

"I could do or say anything to you, so I want you to stay away, okay?" he asked.

"You'll need help to go back to being yourself, I want to help you." I said. Dennis shook his head.

"I don't even know if we'll get out of here." he said. I noticed the green light in the camera watching over us. I couldn't tell him about our plan to get out with the cameras on.

I wanted to tell him so badly. I wanted to kiss his pain away and tell him everything would be okay, but I couldn't. I couldn't say a word that showed I had hope, because they would realize I had a way to get out of here. I took a deep breath and looked at Dennis' beautiful blue eyes.

"I wish..." I didn't know what to say, so I tried to communicate with Dennis without words. Maybe our connection was so strong I could let him know we could get out of here, without actually telling him. I came closer to him and closed my eyes.

"Stella, I don't have much time." he said. I opened my eyes abruptly. "They'll come to take me any minute now, and I just need to know that you'll be okay." he said. No, they couldn't take him. I shook my head. "Stella." he put his hand on my neck and made me look at him. His eyes were darker than usual, maybe due to the poor lighting in that room. "They won't kill you as long as do what they say, so don't be afraid." he said, trying to calm me down.

"Dennis, I won't give up on you." I said. Dennis smiled, but it was a sad smile.

"I wouldn't expect any less from you." he said, and then kissed me on the lips. It was a short and sad kiss. His lips pressed up against mine for only a second, and then he pulled away and looked at me with his hypnotizing gaze. "I love you." he said. I sighed, holding back my tears.

"I love you." I said. Dennis planted another kiss on my lips, and then turned around and walked towards the door. It opened, and he left. I didn't go after him, despite my entire body telling me to, because I knew what would happen. 

I laid down on my bed and tried not to think about Dennis, but it was impossible. The more I thought about him, the angrier I got. They had used me to make him do what they wanted, and I wouldn't let them get away with it. If they wanted a fight, they'd get one.

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