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alexa, play i feel like i'm drowning by two feet
DAY 5
Amelia was envious of James.
She watched as he stirred softly in his sleep on the grey couch in the living room. His head was resting on one of the fluffy, white accent pillows, his hair strewn out across his face, as his chest rose and fell in a calm rhythm. His ordinary arm relaxed on his chest while his metal arm hung off the edge of the cushion, his legs mimicked them.
His sleep was finally catching up with him after being awake practically all night. Amelia, however, was not so lucky. The harder she tried to fall asleep, the more she felt wide awake. Even the two cups of coffee she had this morning struggled to keep her from feeling tired.
So perhaps her lack of sleep was to blame for what she was about to do.
While James was passed out for the time being, she decided it was the perfect opportunity to have a peek into his room again to observe. She had to admit she was rather curious about his broken mirror and gloomy aesthetic. Tucking some of her hair behind her ear, she padded down the hallway and into his bedroom. A room could say a lot about the person who accompanied it.
For instance, his bed was neatly made, so that told Amelia that he wanted his safe spaces to be kept in order. The blackout curtains were more than likely to shut out any ounce of light to help him sleep better. She could only guess that the mirror was broken due to him possibly not liking the person he saw when he looked in it. The room was very clean and organized, and then there was the shattered glass. Something about it made her feel dreary.
Her extended fingers grazed over the items on top of his night stand next to his bed. Next to the lamp was a digital clock, along with a copy of Stranger in a Strange Land - which she thought was particularly interesting due to the fact that it was a book about a man from Mars who returns to Earth and feels out of place with the rest of the world. Maybe that was how Barnes felt - out of place.
She significantly noticed the black backpack that was next to the empty desk in the other corner of the room. Peeking over her shoulder to make sure he wasn't secretly watching her, she tiptoed over to the bag and unzipped it quietly. Her lips popped open softly at the contents inside, there had to be at least a dozen different notebooks stuffed into the bag.
She plopped down on the floor, crossing her legs, as she grabbed a red-colored journal and flicked through it.
1945
I don't remember much from this time. All I can picture is the moment I fell from train. I dream about it sometimes. Steve's face. The way he begged me to hold tighter onto the rail. The way he tried to grab my hand before I fell. I distinctly remember the sound of the rail snapping in half. In my dreams, that sound is amplified somehow, ringing so loud in my ears - just like my screams.
Amelia's fingers flew up to pick anxiously at her lip as she realized that all of these notebooks were his journals. Bits and pieces of his scattered life, written down on paper. It was then that she also realized that he was scared of losing his memory again, to Hydra. It made perfect sense to write anything he remembered down - so he wouldn't be losing it all over again each time.
1991
This was the year that I murdered Tony's parents. I wish that this was a memory that I couldn't get back. I vaguely recall that Hydra wanted more of the Super Soldier serum. I was sent out on a mission to retrieve it, but Howard and Maria were part of that mission. What kind of monster bashes in someone's skull in front of their wife?
Amelia slammed the journal shut, frightened to even read anymore. No wonder she could sense an animosity towards James from Tony, she had pondered what could possibly make him act as though it was personal to him. Now she would never forget.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
She rose to her feet swiftly at the sound of Bucky's thunderous voice, turning to see him standing in the doorway. His eyes traveled down her frame to the journal that was still resting in her hands.
"J-james," she couldn't control the shakiness in her voice as he stomped heavily towards her, smacking the notebook from her weak fingers.
He watched with concealed amusement as she stumbled backwards into the desk, grasping onto the side of it with her fingers. Whatever she saw inside the journal must have already had her freaked out, he had never seen her confidence falter this much. He enjoyed it.
"You really like disrespecting people's privacy, huh?"
"That was stupid of me to do," she confessed with a stronger voice this time. "I shouldn't have went through your things. I apologize."
He tilted his head to the side as a smirk formed on his lips. "Let's go take a look in your room now, shall we?"
She was surprised at the lack of anger soaring through him right now, instead he seemed to be more in the mood to mock her. In order to keep up with his pace as he made his way to her room, she had to walk-run to follow closely behind.
"Ahh," he sighed happily, spotting her journal that was placed out in the open on her desk and scooping it up without hesitation. "You already have it out for me and everything. Good girl."
She impassively stood with her arms behind her back, her fingers entangling together as his eyes skimmed over the words written about him in her notebook. She found it difficult to be nervous in this moment because all she could focus on was the apparent humor written across his face - not rage.
"You do realize that you could gather everything you need about me on, what is it, Giggle?"
She mashed her lips together to keep from smiling as she scratched the back of her neck as coolly as she could. "Google."
"Is something funny?" he questioned seriously now.
"No, I-" she shook her head, racking her brain for an answer. "You're not angry."
She watched his jaw muscles clenching tightly as he processed her words. When she thought there was no way for her to feel more intrigued by him, he did something to pique her interest. She didn't want to get her hopes up and jump to any conclusions, but there had to be a good reason why he didn't get angry with her.
"Don't worry. I'm still going to make you wish you never came here."
