𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐄 | 𝟏𝟖+

37 || fourth session

alexa, play god given by nuvlices

DAY 37

        "We should have a session, if you're feeling up to it today."

        James' somber, blue eyes glanced up at Amelia's figure perched in his bedroom doorway with her arms crossed in front of her chest. The clothing on her body made her look undoubtedly beautiful - the purple, flower patterned dress that fell right to the middle of her thigh, the purple cardigan over top, the way her waves sculpted her round cheeks as they fell around her shoulders - but given the circumstances, he found it immensely difficult to focus. 

        And even so, he reluctantly bobbed his head up and down in agreement. James had struggled so hard to push his feelings of fear and dread back down into the hole they emerged from, to no avail. He was dumbstruck on where to go from here - how should he make his sadness go away? What would make him feel at ease? 

        He didn't know the answers. 

        As Amelia walked hesitantly into the room, James attempted to climb out of his bed so he could prepare himself for a session in the living room as usual, but was interrupted by her petite hands softly pushing him back down into the mattress again. 

        "We can do it here," she assured him gently, her hands lingering on him for a few moments before stepping over to his desk to drag his chair over towards the bed. 

        "Okay."

        Amelia settled into the white desk chair, her notebook resting in her hands that were limp in her lap, as she coolly asked, "How are you feeling today?" 

        James' blue orbs flickered up to her hazel ones, almost sneeringly, as if she should already know the answer to her question, but they calmed as he took a couple moments to stare at her. "Helpless." 

        "Can you go into more detail about what makes you feel this way?" 

        James pondered the purpose of these questions, why Amelia felt the need to ask them at all, but sighed as he reminded himself that it was all part of the process. If it had been anyone else interrogating him about how he felt right now, he wouldn't nearly have as much patience. It took every last ounce of strength inside of him today to be patient with Amelia, for her. 

        "I feel helpless because no matter how much I or anyone else tries, it doesn't matter, they still come back for me and they win every time," he finally grumbled, staring down at the strained veins popping out in his normal arm. 

        "The precautions that are being taken now haven't been taken before," Amelia pointed out calmly, her eyes never straying from watching his every reaction. "How can you be so sure that they won't help this time around, if it comes to it?" 

        James briefly readjusted his position on the bed, swallowing loudly, before he sucked in a deep breath and responded, "I guess I can't be sure, but it's hard to feel any other way at the moment."         

        Starting to completely shut down about the subject, Amelia jotted down in her notebook. 

        "There are positives in this situation," she enunciated slowly. "You and I both know that, so I have to ask you - what do you think those positives are?" 

        "I don't think there are any." 

        Amelia would be lying if she said that his words didn't feel like a jab straight to the chest. The stinging pain that ached inside of her sternum now was uncomfortable, making her cross her leg over her knee nonchalantly, as she attempted to hide the fact that it affected her at all. 

        "I'm going to ask you again," Amelia replied firmly this time. "What are the positives in this scenario?" 

        James' eyes peeked up at Amelia once more, noticing her blatant assertiveness now - he must have hurt her feelings. The nostrils of her cute nose flared just slightly as she waited for his response while she chewed at the inside of her cheek. He felt the tiniest bit sorry for taking his mood out on her, but he wasn't sure how to stop at this point. 

        "What good are they going to do?" 

        "Give you hope," Amelia answered rather quickly. 

        "Why try to have any hope when it's going to be destroyed in the end?"

        She relaxed in her chair now, leaning against the back of it, as her head tilted to the side in annoyance at his obvious disinterest in opening up. "You seem pretty certain that the only way this ends is badly." 

        "Good observation." 

         Amelia could almost physically feel the wall that James was putting up, the barrier he was beginning to create between the two of them. It was clear that he didn't want anything to do with this session and quite frankly, she was getting absolutely no where with him - expect maybe for a couple steps in the wrong direction. 

        "I understand why you're hesitant to trust the process now," she avowed, flicking her hair back over her shoulder. "But I encourage you to try and dwell on the positivities in your life, not the negative." 

        "As soon as I do that, those positivities will be ripped away from me." 

        "Only if you let them," she couldn't help but snap back at him. 

        James' jaw clenched tightly, clamping his mouth shut before he said something he would definitely end up regretting. He could tell he had already struck a nerve with Amelia, hurting her feelings and saying anything else would just dig his massive hole a little bit deeper. He didn't want to hurt her feelings. 

        "We can stop here today," Amelia concluded abruptly, shutting her notebook closed. "It seems as though we aren't getting very far. Rest on it." 

        Before she, too, would say something she would regret to James, she decided to casually place the chair back in front of the desk as she fled the insurmountable tension of his bedroom.