𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐄 | 𝟏𝟖+

21 || confessions

alexa, play scars by boy epic

DAY 21

        James was perched outside on the bench, Steve sitting close beside of him, as he watched Amelia in the distance as she attempted to balance herself on a rock wall near the treeline. He absorbed the feeling of the breeze against his skin as he admired this side of her, the laid back side, the not-so-professional side. Her dark hair fell in waves today down to the middle of her back, her cheeks rosy from the cold wind outside. Her blue and light pink patterned jacket that was over her white turtleneck, her form-fitting jeans, her cute little white boots. Amelia belonged in an art museum. 

        "You care about her." 

        Steve's low voice broke James away from his quiet observance, making him glance over to meet his dubious blue eyes. He knew that look. 

        "No, I don't," James muttered, biting at the inside of his cheek. 

         "Why do you watch her like that, then?" Rogers questioned with a faint smirk playing along his lips, his head cocked sideways as he awaited an answer. 

        James' jaw clenched in annoyance at Steve's prodding. This Steve was slightly different from the Steve he remembered - more blunt, more confident. What was it with everyone and their high level of arrogance around here? The scrawny, short boy he knew from his childhood would never walk around with this much self-awareness. 

        "Jealous?" Bucky raised his left eyebrow. 

        "No, Buck," Steve said calmly, resting his hands in his lap, looking down at the ground as he spoke. "I like that she brings out something better in you." 

        "Me too." 

        Steve basked in the silence for a while, surveying Buck as he continued to watch Rose climb on the rock wall. There was no doubt in his mind that Bucky cared for Amelia - the way his jaw muscles would tighten every time her foot would slip on the rock before catching herself, or the way his breathing mellowed out whenever his eyes were on her. Steve knew because he reacted the same way, too. 

         There would never be a chance for him and Amelia, she made the clear time and time again, and Steve had ultimately come to terms with that. 

         "Listen," Rogers broke the silence after a while, turning slightly on the bench so he could better face his friend. "I want to apologize for ever treating you like you were the bad guy." 

         "I was, Steve," James winced faintly. "Maybe I still am." 

         "You needed your friend. I wasn't there like I should have been," Steve's voice fell into a whisper. "You're not a bad guy." 

         James' brow furrowed profoundly as he tried to process Rogers' words. Even if he had everyone telling him that he wasn't the bad guy, somehow, he would always feel like he was. There was too much history as the Winter Soldier stacked against him. 

          He longed to break free from the horrors that followed him around constantly.

        "I feel like one sometimes." 

        "A bad guy wouldn't sit here worrying about whether or not he was one," Steve urged strongly, leaning back against the bench. "He wouldn't care."

        Bucky peered over at Steve with humor dancing around in his eyes. "Did Amelia tell you that?" he teased quietly. 

        "No, believe it or not, I actually came up with that myself." Steve was smiling now, a sight Bucky hadn't seen in quite some time. 

         James thought back to the first time Steve ever told him he wanted to enlist in the Army. The cheesy, widespread smile that appeared on his cheeks, just like it did now, after he finished spilling his master plan. Even if Buck had thought it was a stupid idea, he had to admit that he felt a certain joy seeing his friend be so passionate about something. 

         It was much better than seeing the look on Steve's face every time he remembered falling off the train. 

        "It's okay, Steve," James sighed after a few moments, letting his shoulders relax as he took another deep breath. 

        Rogers glanced over at him in astonishment, his eyes full of concern and contentment that his friend was managing to have an entire conversation with him without screaming or cussing or being mean in the slightest. Bucky was just talking to him. 

        "I wouldn't have wanted to be my friend either."

         Steve reached over and placed his hand on Buck's shoulder firmly, squeezing it for a few seconds - he couldn't help it. He was beginning to think that there wouldn't come a time again where they would be able to sit down and talk to each other like they used to. The thought made tears sting in his eyes, luckily the wind helped dry them quickly before they fell and made him look like the biggest wimp alive. 

        He knew he would never live that one down. 

         "I missed you, Buck."