Notes

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I had been thinking about the note.

"Maybe I'll write more."

Part of me hoped that she didn't. It just reminded me that she wasn't here. But the other part told me that she did.

A few days later I found another one.

Hey y/n

It's me again. I decided that I was gonna write more letters. Seems to calm me down. We escaped the maze! A lot of us didn't make it but both me and Harriet are alive. After you left everything started going wrong. Starting with a boy. I know. His name was aris. We got separated a while back. Not sure where he is but he seemed like a nice guy. He asked about you a lot when we were back in the glen. I think it was because me and Harriet were still grieving and he was just wondering why. I told him as much as I could bare. I told him about when we went swimming and how you almost died. I miss when we were together. Me you and Harriet. She's like the annoying older sister who teases us. Thank god for her. She was my main comfort. I ended up telling her about how we confessed our feelings to each other. She just said "I know." And walked away. I feel like she was watching our every move or something. It's been hard. She and I both really miss you. The night you got trapped in the maze she told me that you were like a sister to her. Beth gave us a hard time. As usual. Not her fault I guess. She's been a jerk ever since she got stung. As has everyone else like her. Anyways I have to go now.

Love Sonya.

It was about a week till I found another one.

Dear y/n

Today Vince put me and Harriet on guard duty. We just watched to see if anyone comes up through the canyon. He says we've both proven to be good shots with guns and very useful. I don't feel very useful. It seems like we aren't getting anywhere. It's even worse when a group of people came and we had to turn them away. That's what happened today. They all very clearly had caught the flare and were slowly going crazy. One of them looked similar to you. Same hair and eyes. At first I thought she was you but I found that it wasn't possible and her name was Fiona. Then I thought maybe a sister. But I don't think so. Either way I don't think you would have liked to meet her since she was going to die anyways. I hate to think that this is normal but I've gotten used to the idea that people are dying. Nothing we can do to stop it. I think Harriet noticed how similar she looked to you too. She glanced at me a lot when we were talking to the group. She helped me afterwards. It hurt to think that I may never find you. That Fiona was probably the closest I was gonna get to ever finding you. Just someone similar. But never quite you.

Sonya.

I didn't find anymore after that but everyone seemed to make my heart shatter over and over. I didn't even look for any more of them.

I decided to go up and sit on the roof again.

I thought about our plans to find Sonya. We had come up with some sturdy plans but we didn't know if we could find the correct time. Thomas was getting impatient and I could tell he wanted to take action. I did too. But I knew that we can't rush into anything. That runs the risk of making it even worse.

I heard tortoise walking over and he put his head in my lap. I put my arm around him and let myself relax a little bit.

Deep breath in.

Exhale.

I closed my eyes and let the breeze flow around me.

A bird chirped despite the setting sun. It was The one that I could never remember the name of. The one that reminded me of sonyas laugh. That sweet song of her face lighting up like it did whenever she smiled. I closed my eyes and imagined her sitting beside me.

I would hold her hand and put my head on her shoulder. And she would hum a song to me. And then she would put her head on top of mine and fall asleep and I would have to take her to bed. And she would make that face she did when she slept. So peaceful as if she knew everything was ok.

I wanted to feel like that.

Feel like everything was gonna be ok.

I wanted her to feel like that again.

Most of all I wanted to shove my foot up wickeds ass for taking her away from me. And then take it out and stomp all over them.

My destructive side was kicking in.

I opened my eyes when I heard footsteps. Tortoise lifted his head off me and looked at her. It was Harriet.

"Hey." She sighed and sat beside me giving tortoise an ear scratch.

"Hi." I said back.

We sat in silence for a few minutes.

"I found these." I said and pulled all three notes out of my pocket.

She took them out of my hand gently and read them slowly. I put my head back and closed my eyes and let her read in peace without me watching.

I heard a sniffle and a quaking breath.

My eyes opened and I looked over at her.

She had her head in her hands and her shoulders were shaking and I could see her mouth pulled into a grimace.

The sight of her physically hurt to look at and I instantly turned to face her side and hugged her to me.

She let out some quiet sobs.

"First it was you and now it's her." She whispered and I thought about how she had by far gone through so much more than She wanted to admit. Whether or not she wanted to feel it she needed help and so I pulled her into my lap and traced her face and pulled her hair out of her face trying to comfort her.

She trembled in my arms and tears slid down my face looking at her. I suddenly felt guilty for being selfish and not taking the time to listen to her as she had for me.

But Harriet never said anything.

Instead she helped me.

Instead of getting angry at me for being a bad friend and not considering that she was hurting too and trying, really trying to help her she helped me and was patient. And while I was hurting she helped me.

So it was about time I helped her I think.

I didn't talk. I just held her. Made her feel ok. I thought of how aris said she liked it when me and Sonya sang so I hummed a song.

It seemed to make her cry even harder so I stopped.

"Please don't stop." She said. I nodded and bit my lip holding back more tears.

I sung more. I pushed through the pain of knowing it was only me singing and Sonya was not with us making it ten times prettier. Right now I didn't matter. Harriet was hurting and I needed to make her feel ok.

I held her and sang. Trying to make her feel better until she stopped crying and her face rested a little bit. I knew all to well how her head would be aching after crying so hard.

"Thank you." She said.

I sighed. "and Thank you... You were helping me and I never thought to help you." I said and squeezed my eyes closed and let my ashamed tears fall.

"It's alright. I was just waiting for my turn." She smiled.

What did I ever do to deserve friends like her?

Omg I feel so bad right now.

HARRIET! MY BABY! DONT CRY!

Anyways. 😢 we're gonna get Sonya back soon so no more sadness.

Trying to keep up on this story so sorry once again if I miss a day.

Thanks for all the support and stuff!

Y'all are the best

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